Enough is Enough (Time to converse)

Two days ago I facilitated a discussion with 10 boys between the ages of 10-13 about George Floyd, Amy Cooper and subsequent protests. My colleague’s son, Jojo Yawson, said “the police broke the social contract with society and people are just angry”. He further said that “there should be a number that society can call, similar to 911, when the police are behaving badly”.  Sage words from a 10 yr old.

I normally don’t share personal things like this. But I can no longer stay silent. The following incidents are my recollection of two encounters my family and I have had. 

#1

Approximately four years ago, my wife and I attended our nephews wedding. We traveled in two different cars because I went straight from work to the event. 

 My wife and mother-in-law left our three children with a wonderful family who offered to watch them in the adjacent town, West Orange, NJ. 

 At approximately 1:00 am, we picked up our children and were returning home. We had only recently moved to New Jersey, and had to rely on the Waze App for directions home. On the way home, my wife was driving in the car ahead of me. Then all of a sudden, four police cars came upon us.  My wife (driving with my 80 yr old Mother-in-law and 9 yr old daughter) was pulled over. I was driving in the car behind and with my two sons (9 yr old and 7 yr old). I had a front row view of what took place. The two officers approached both the driver side (my wife) and passenger side (my 80 yr old mother-in-law) and both unbuckled their guns. 

I sat in dismay with my sons who were awakened by the flashing lights. My 9 yr old said “Daddy, do something! Mommy did nothing. Can you just tell the police please?”

I was shaking and replied “If I exit the car, I may be shot”. I looked at my son and started crying as I helplessly watched what should have taken 2 min to resolve, take close to 20 minutes. My wife explained we lived 1 mile away and were following the Waze App. 

Again, it was 1:00 am in a residential neighborhood with four police cars lights flashing for a wrong left turn. One would have thought that after my wife explained the situation and showed her Policeman's Benevolent Association card and license, we would be allowed to leave. Yet, we sat there by the road side for 20 agonizing minutes haunted by fear for our lives.

#2

In the winter of 2018, my wife and I were awakened by a series of texts. We checked our phones and one of our neighbors had indicated there were strangers in our neighborhood.

I looked out my bathroom window and saw the police cars in front of my house. My instinct was to go check out what was going on. I put on my bath robe and headed down the stairs to my front door. I was about to open the door and inquire “Officer, how can I help you?”

Before my hand touched the door knob, my wife yelled. “Jason, don’t $&@ go outside - you will get shot”.  

I relayed this story to both my black and white friends and unanimously they said my wife was correct to warn me. 

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So here I am now, a husband, father, and business person. And I relate 100% to the racial profiling that I have personally experienced.  When events like this happen, it is easy to dismiss them as isolated incidents.

This is not about “pulling a race card”.

It is about telling the truth, facing the truth however uncomfortable it makes you feel.  

It is about knowing that whenever you tell your kids they can do or be anything in life, you pause a little because you know there are other things as vicious as natural disasters that can impact their futures only because they happen to be born a certain color.  And nothing you can do or say can change the truth of their racial and ethnic heritage.

It is about the sense of helplessness you feel when you are confronted by racism, which is ultimately born out of hate and ignorance. It is about feeling that this fight against racism continues to share a lot in common with a game of whack-a-mole, where changes in policy just close one loophole and open up another, where the core of the issue—hate for an another human being based on arbitrary expressions of human genes—remains unchanged.  

I want to invite a constructive conversation amongst adults, similar to the one I facilitated with the young boys two days ago. We all have a perspective that can be shared in a productive forum. I humbly offer myself to be part of that conversation.