Enough is Never Enough! Are You Contributing to Someone Else's Imposter Syndrome?

I was told I wasn't good enough, but I just chose not to listen. - Khalid

You're not pretty enough. You're not athletic enough. You're not skinny enough. You're not Black enough. You're not Latina enough? You're not white enough. You're not....pick the quantifier! YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

e-nough (i?n?f)

• as much or as many as required (determiner)
• as much or as many of something as required. (pronoun)
• to the required degree or extent (used after an adjective, adverb, or verb).

Today's issue is a sharp critique of this concept of enough. I explore:

1. What is required to be enough?
2. How do we as humans begin to pivot our mindsets about enough-ness?
3. How can those of us pushed into an imposter corner respond?

So what is REQUIRED to be ENOUGH?

I have been thinking a lot about how sometimes we are the culprits of forcing those around us into an imposter corner. Our lack of self awareness as human beings leads to trollish comments - maybe unconscious, maybe conscious! Case in point? Actress Jenna Ortega (AKA Wednesday Adams on Netflix). Let me set the stage for those of you who haven't fallen for the click bait.

Actress Anya Taylor-Joy (Queen's Gambit and Furiosa), who grew up in Buenos Aires, Argentina, introduced her husband, in Spanish, to singer Rosalia and actresses Rachel Zegler (West Side Story and Hunger Games) and Jenna Ortega. Ortega responded in English which led to a flurry of inappropriate trolling on-line calling her a "fake Latina!"

Ortega was born in California to Mexican and Puerto Rican parents who just didn't teach her English. And guess what? She's not alone! Unlike the rest of planet Earth, where learning multiple languages is seen as a positive, that is not the case in the US.

In an interview with Vanity Fair, Ortega addressed the controversy.

I think there’s a part of me that carries a bit of shame. For a second I was almost nervous to speak about my family’s background because…I feel like I was made to feel like it wasn’t…[valid]. But also, something that I’m learning is…it’s not my job to carry the weight of everybody who’s ever had that experience. - Jenna Ortega

So I go back to the original question. What is required to be enough? When it comes to our identities, who gets to make the decision? The census bureau? God, I hope not! They have gotten it wrong for decades. The bully next door? Definitely not!

Of course the best response is me, myself and I. I grew up in a Dominican household and I consider myself Dominicana. But I am also very tied to my home town. Anyone who knows me, knows I am proud to be from the Bronx, born and raised. When I tell other Bronxites what neighborhood I was raised in, I have gotten comments like oh that's not the real Bronx. Thank God I am pretty self-confident because everyone has an opinion on how I should identify! It is so silly.

I go to the Dominican Republic and I am NOT Dominican enough. My Spanish is perfectly fine in NYC. In DR, it's ok but after a week it's called good! I meet new people in NYC and I often get "you don't look Dominican!" So tell me, what does Dominican look like? But let's move on.

How do we as humans begin to pivot our mindsets about enough-ness?

The first step is self-awareness. We need to question and adjust our emotional intelligence once and for all. See people beneath the surface. Celebrate what make's you unique and different but be open to the possibility that people have more in common with you than you may imagine!

I once worked with someone who is half Mexican and half German but completely presented as white. Their mother, who spoke fluent Spanish, refused to teach any of her children Spanish for fear of how they would be treated and discriminated against throughout their lives. This person got a lot of flack about hyphenating their father's anglo name with their mother's Spanish last name, accused of doing it only to get the job at a Hispanic-Serving Institution. Admittedly, I was confused too. But once you connect with others and learn their stories, you begin to shift your mindset about how multi-dimensional human beings are no matter their race or ethnicity. I learned a valuable lesson!

According to a 2023 research report from the Pew Research Center, Spanish is the most commonly spoken non-English language in the United States, with close to 40 million Latinos speaking Spanish at home. However, the research also shows that Spanish-language abilities among Latinos fade across immigrant generations. 75% of U.S. Latinos report being able to carry on a conversation in Spanish pretty well or very well. A much smaller majority (57%) of all U.S.-born Latinos report the same.

Bottom line? SHUT UP. It is NEVER your place to tell anyone they are not enough! We are so ignorant to the history of people that we make so many assumptions about who people are and what they may or may not know. I love it when someone who identifies as Latinx but presents as white or black breaks out into perfect Spanish because everyone around them, including those of us who "look" Hispanic have these surprised looks on our faces! We need to stop this. We need to be asking better questions to connect with others rather than making presumptive statements and accusations about who others are. It is not for us to identify someone!

How can those of us pushed into an imposter corner respond?

This is a sensitive and complex topic that many people struggle with. There's no single "right" way to respond because experiences vary greatly, but here are some thoughtful approaches to consider.

1. Recognize that ethnicity is complex and personal. There's no single way to be "ethnic enough."
2. Reflect on your own identity and what it means to you, rather than trying to meet others' expectations. Focus on your own sense of self rather than trying to gain others' approval.
3. Understand that accusations often stem from stereotypes or narrow views of cultural identity, i.e ignorance. These don't define you.
4. If the accusations come from within your community, recognize there may be complex historical factors at play. Explore and connect with your heritage in ways meaningful to you, not to prove anything to others.
5. If the accusations come from anonymous on-line trolls, delete them, ignore them, do whatever you must to remind yourself that those folks have their own sad issues that have brought them to trying to make others feel less than from behind an anonymous handle and screen!

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. - bell hooks