Enough is enough.

This isn’t the blog I wanted to write this week. This week I wanted to celebrate the achievements of women. I was going to blog about how we can all help more amazing women get recognised on Wikipedia and through the honours system, but then things changed.

The abduction and murder of Sarah Everard in South London by, it seems, a stranger is terrifying and tragic – and naturally my thoughts are with Sarah’s family and friends. I can’t imagine the shock and grief they are feeling.

The story has stirred up that fear all of us women carry when we leave the house after dark. The deluge of stories shared on social media over the last few days also shows that our wariness isn’t confined to when the sun goes down. Women and girls describe how they’ve been attacked, harassed, assaulted and followed at all times of the day and in all places – crowded parks as well empty streets, packed public transport as well as solitary runs or walks.

While stories like Sarah’s are rare, that’s no comfort. Knowing that we are far more likely to be attacked by someone we know than someone we don’t, according to ONS data, doesn’t help either.

A UN survey, published on Wednesday reported that 97% of 18-24 year olds have experienced sexual harassment, with 80% of them experiencing it in public spaces. So pretty much all of them then.

This will not be a surprise to any of us. Every woman has their stories of being cat-called, threatened, abused, or assaulted. We don’t know – can never know – when a ‘give us a smile, love’, ‘nice body or ‘pick those legs up’ comment is going to escalate into something worse. And why should we be forced into an unwanted interaction anyway?

We don’t know if the man walking behind us down the street at night happens to live nearby or is deliberately following us. Experience and intuition presume the worst and our bodies go into a heart-pounding, adrenaline-fueled, fight or flight mode accordingly. At night, our keys will already be between our knuckles, our route carefully chosen and our headphones kept low or non-existent with regular checking over the shoulder as we go.

We take the adjustments we feel we must make for granted. I celebrated my first after-work canal-side run of the year on Tuesday. I could run my favourite route because it was finally light enough at 5.30pm (I’m not a morning person). I didn’t reflect on the fact that it is a fear of violence from men that prevents me running where I want to run for nearly half the year, not a lack of sun.

And I’m sick of it.

My job means I spend a lot of time encouraging women and girls to get outside and get active – running, walking, cycling, yoga in the park, online hiit classes in the bandstand – whatever floats their boat and helps them feel happier, calmer or just more themselves. I extol the immediate emotional benefits –stress management, freedom, fun, doing something just for you. It can be tricky to square all that with the precautions I then feel I have to advise women to take. Can you really be carefree and careful at the same time?

I’m sick of that too.

Sport England’s insight for This Girl Can shows that personal safety after dark is a barrier to getting active for 21% of women across all age groups – it’s right up there with fear of judgement by others, and has been particularly difficult during a pandemic winter with leisure centres, gyms and facilities closed. Statistical reassurance that the very worst is unlikely to happen doesn’t help when everyday harassment is so normal we’re just resigned to it and believe that it’s up to us to change our behaviour, not the men who make us feel unsafe.

There’s no quick fix. If this latest tragedy is to finally be a turning point then men and women must look critically at all the things we are all doing and saying that normalise this culture, this way of living.

We must march and protest (when we can); we will continue to share stories, swap experiences and listen to the testimony of others. Will stop believe that what is normal is acceptable, or dismiss it as harmless banter and a bit of fun. We must get more women into positions of power to influence the policies and decisions impact our environment, our education, our safety and ou choices. We need to bring up girls with the confidence to challenge behaviour that makes them feel uncomfortable and boys with the confidence to respect women and challenge their friends if they don’t. We must push for equality in all areas and stop taking the unfairness as inevitable.

And we must continue to live our lives as we want to – going out, enjoying public spaces and feeling free. Run, walk, skip – whatever you want to do – getting active outside is an act of feminist activism.

Men - you’re part of this too – as the White Ribbon campaign makes clear. You’ll have read the advice about crossing the street if you find yourself walking down the road behind a woman in the evening, so do it. Be thoughtful about the impact your presence may have on someone who doesn’t know who you are (or even who does). Believe us when we tell you our stories (if we choose to do so) and accept our right to say we don’t like behaviour you may feel is just banter.

Don't waste our time with #notallmen know that – but we don't know which ones it is. Statistically it must be more than you think. If you hear or see friends harassing or intimidating women or making sexist jokes and comments then call it out, not because you’re a husband, son or father of daughters but simply because you’re a decent human being and this stuff has to stop. Enough is enough.