Not enough hours in the day? Avoid this trap!

Here are some comments I hear from my clients. Which of these comments resonates the most for you: ?

• There are never enough hours in the day for you to get your work done.
• You would love some time to do leader-like things, but never seem to get any.
• You wrap up your day with the same to-do list as the day started with, plus some extras.
• You are constantly fighting fires.
• You jump in to help your team because you know they are at risk of burnout (as are you).
• You see people's frustration, and want to help, so you step up when they ask for your help.
• When issues are presented and you're asked to help, you might think, "If not me, who?"

If you answered, yes, to one of those bullets, then you have likely fallen into the trap of the ASKhole? spin.

?What is the ASKhole? spin?

You fall into the ASKhole? spin if you take on the issues or challenges others bring to you, even though you know they are not going to be super pleased with the response or the outcome.? Even worse - the person probably already knows the answer or outcome.

When you fall into the ASKhole? spin, you are setting yourself up to be blamed and scapegoated.

Let’s look at an example of the ASKhole? spin from my consulting work with leaders:

?The ASKhole? spin in real life:

?Context: An organization is facing some tough financial decisions. Volumes have been low for a while now, and the organization has asked everyone, at every level, to think of ways they can help the organization save costs.

?Employee asks the leader:?I would like to talk to you about getting a raise. I feel like I deserve it. I have been working a lot of extra time, I am doing more roles than I used to do, and I’m definitely doing a bunch of stuff outside of my job description.

?Leader responds:?I would love it if I could give you a raise, but the financial situation of the organization right now makes it impossible for me to do that.?I wish it were different because I see you working really hard. [the leader has fallen into the spin by giving this response]

Employee response:?So are you saying that I can never get a raise now?

Leader responds:?I’m not saying never.?I don’t know when things will change, but it’s not possible right now, unfortunately.

The employee leaves discouraged, possibly talks negatively to their colleagues, the leader feels frustrated because their hands are tied. This is a lose-lose situation.

Two simple strategies to avoid the trap of the ASKhole? spin:

1. Actively listen - this strategy helps slow the employee down, assess where they might be hung up, and gives them space to think through the answer or outcome
2. Ask open-ended questions - this strategy helps the employee hear themselves, slow down to think and positions the leader to praise the employee for their understanding.

Replay! Avoiding the ASKhole? spin in real life

Context: An organization is facing some tough financial decisions. Volumes have been low for a while now, and the organization has asked everyone, at every level, to think of ways they can help the organization save costs.

Employee asks the leader:?I would like to talk to you about getting a raise. I feel like I deserve it. I have been working a lot of extra time, I am doing more roles than I used to do, and I’m definitely doing a bunch of stuff outside of my job description.

Leader (active listening): Sounds like you recognize how valuable you are on the team, working extra and taking on more responsibilities.

Employee: Ya, and that's why I feel like I deserve a raise.

Leader (active listening + asks a question):?There's no question - you have been working super hard, contributing to the team and putting in much more than your job description outlines.?Let's talk through your understanding of why a raise hasn't happened.

Employee:?What do you mean?

Leader (active listening + question):?Well, there's no question that you are a valuable member of the team. What might be some reasons that the organization hasn't given you, and others, a raise?

Employee: What? Are you talking about how there's no money? That stuff with the CFO asking us to find ways to cut corners?

Leader:?Your understanding about the financial challenges we are facing right now shows what a loyal employee you are, thinking of the bigger picture.?How does that financial predicament impact our ability to hand our raises?

Employee:?The company makes money.?I can’t believe they wouldn’t have something – even a dollar an hour would make a big difference for me.?

Leader:?True, the company has revenues coming in. What is your understanding about where the financial problems lie?

Employee: Well, I have heard that we aren't as busy as we have been in the past. Covid, I guess, has changed all of that.

Leader: You're right. Volumes is a the challenge. Sounds like you get how the volume impacts the financial situation, which also impacts people getting raises. Since we have talked through those logistics, I wonder if we can get a little more specific and discuss weighs on you the most at work right now.

From here, the conversation between leader and employee continues.

What people bring to the table initially is rarely the real conversation.

In leader's day-to-day rush to fit it all in, it is hard to resist the trap of the ASKhole? spin.

Why?

Because leaders care. You care. You want to help.

Ironically, helping may be setting you up to be the ASKhole? and creating more frustration for the employee.

Slow down, actively listen, and ask great questions to get at the real conversation that needs to happen.

Simple is hard.

Check out this video for more information:

Let's set up a time to help you apply these simple skills so that you are not an ASKhole?.

Kerri

Kerri is a keynote speaker, trainer, leadership coach, helps teams thrive and and facilitates leadership round table groups.

She is comfortable facilitating messy conversations, shifting mindsets and holding leaders accountable to shine like the North Star.

Kerri has published in peer-reviewed books and is currently working on a book capturing the inspirational stories of leaders and how they statistically measure their growth.

Check out her YouTube channel, for more leadership and communication tips.