Is it enough?

There was a video doing the rounds the other day. It showed Nagarjuna, a famous actor walking through an airport with his bodyguards. A slightly built disabled young man approaches with excitement on seeing the star. The star appears not to have seen him but the bodyguard pushes him off roughly and the young man is heaved back several steps before he almost falls to the ground. I did not see the bodyguard help him back up.

Those were the facts as I saw them in the video. I then saw posts on LinkedIn thanking the actor for returning to the airport after a few days to apologize and interact with the young man who was the victim of this traumatic experience. Indeed, it was gracious of the actor to make such a gesture. Maybe out of the goodness of his heart. Maybe because social media does put pressure on celebrities. Either way, a person being kind to someone else because their employee manhandled them is not something to glorify – it's simply the right thing to do.

Another post from the same author said inclusion is hard and such acts need to be praised. I agree – inclusion is hard when prejudice is rampant, inclusion is hard when those who need to be included as well as their parents are happy with the least amount of attention/accommodation/support because all their lives they have known only exclusion, inclusion is hard when the pervading belief is that the disabled are always inferior and therefore deserve less.

Last year I had a similar experience in Kochi. My son, Mr. P was physically pushed out of an elevator by a middle-aged bully. He was agitated. He wouldn’t calm down and for the first time in his life, he was beyond angry. He’s normally a happy and very loving young man. But he was vibrating with annoyance. I had to ask my cousin and his family to come over so we could all comfort him.

The next day I asked for CCTV footage and the event unfolded exactly as Mr. P had described. I got the association to call the man in question. He was boorish and unapologetic. He even shouted at us. I waited till he was done. He refused to apologize. We informed the police and sent them the video. They called the man up. He came scurrying home to apologize. Even my son could see that it was not a sincere act. Mr. P said no. He wouldn’t accept his apology. After a while, I told Mr. P that it would be nice to forgive that man if he promised to never do this again. But that the choice was his. I believed Mr. P had the right to feel upset, to forgive or not forgive. The decision should be his. No one had the right to tell him it was ok to be pushed. Because it wasn’t.

Maybe it was because of that incident that I am extra sensitive when people think any tolerable act against a disabled person is ok as long as it is followed by an apology. It isn’t. Put your son/daughter/loved one in that person’s shoes. Now tell me – is it ok? Is an apology enough? My son doesn’t think so. Neither do I. But, if heartfelt, an apology can be a good place to start.