ENJOYING THE MOMENT

Like most people, I get caught up in what I am doing and forget to enjoy the moment or the journey. We are all always in such a hurry to get to the destination that we forget to enjoy the scenery. This has become compounded by the world of electronic communication and instant response. If you don’t respond to an e-mail within minutes, people get upset. There is no time for contemplation. People are becoming more and more impatient about everything.

The problem with instant responses is that there is no room for error. There is also no room for real thought about what you are doing or the consequences. The older generation has a better perspective on this than the generation who has grown up with an electronic communication device in its hand.

In the old days of getting a pink message slip that someone had called and left this message or even getting a voice message before the days of e-mail and texting meant that you had some time to contemplate what you were going to say or in some cases even if you were going to respond.

I have said this in numerous lectures, “Never respond to anything when you are angry.” In the old days, I would never answer anything when I was angry until the next day. In today’s world, I absolutely never answer anything when I am angry. When I ask someone whether their answer would have been different the next day with some contemplation and cool logic, the answer is always, “yes”. There is no longer the option of tearing up a letter before it is sent.

The problem with anything sent, posted or tweeted is that it is instantaneous, permanent and worst of all, repetitive. The Internet also does not recognize sarcasm unless it is specifically stated as such. Such “funny” or “pointed” statements can and will be regarded as literal. This is potentially disastrous.

We are all going to do or say stupid things from time to time. It is inevitable because we are human. We are beings of emotion. We react to things either positively or negatively. We will come to regret these things that we do rashly. Living a life with few regrets is a good place to be.

It is not just in the electronic world that we have become so impatient. We went out for dinner one night to a local, but franchised, restaurant. There was a lineup and people were grousing about how long it was taking to be seated. When I asked how long they had been waiting, I was told five minutes.

Asian people understand living in the moment better when it comes to meals. My wife Elaine occasionally says to me that I live to eat but it’s not really the food it’s the company that provides both the spice and the substance. When an Asian family goes out to dinner it is a social experience. It is about the camaraderie and the warmth of sharing each other’s company and the food is the means. Watch one day when you are eating out at the interaction of an Asian family. They are enjoying the journey.

This is also shared by many other cultures like the Italians, Greeks, and many more. It is seems that many of us get drawn into the tornado of “time is money” and forget that money cannot buy everything and time not savored is time lost.

Elaine has continually told me to relax and enjoy the scenery. When I traveled for business it was a routine: home to airport, airport to hotel, hotel to meetings, meetings to hotel, hotel to airport, airport to home. People hear of some of the places around the world that I do business and they ask how I enjoyed the country and I don’t really know.

When Elaine started to travel with me on some of these business trips I was “forced” to spend more time there and actually began to see what I had been missing by being in such a hurry with blinders on.

I had been passing life by and not understanding what I was doing. I wasn’t experiencing life.

On the porch we would sit in the same position all the time. We would go to the corner of the porch where Summer could see anyone approaching on the sidewalk from the south and the north. I would move one of the chairs closer to the rail so that I could put my legs up and Summer would sit by my side with her head leaning on the rail. When we first sat down, Summer would remind me from time to time that my job was to pat her head and scratch her back and not to sit there and drink my coffee.

And so we sat, doing nothing. Well, Summer just sat there as I scratched her back. It was almost zen. My mind was completely at rest. The thoughts and worries of the day seemed to disappear. Sitting with Summer put me at peace.

We all get so caught up in our “troubles” and challenges that we lose perspective. If we took a coffee break from the world even for a few minutes we would see with clearer vision.

I had forgotten how to relax.

I was so caught up in what needed to happen or what might happen tomorrow or in an hour that I was not living in the moment. I certainly wasn’t enjoying the journey. I didn’t appreciate what I did have. I was focused on what might go wrong.

There are so many things that we worry about that when they occur are never as bad as we think they will be or even occur at all. No wonder we burn ourselves out. We are using fuel while the engine is idling. It’s actually worse than that, as we sit in the car we are revving the engine.

The main lesson that I learned from Summer is:

“Just sitting with a friend and enjoying each other’s company is good in itself.”

But we just don’t sit there. When someone comes down or up the road, Summer gives that activity her total attention. It is her job to watch the world as it passes by our home. People rush by on their way home from the commuter trains. Others will jog by. Some walk their dogs.

Summer doesn’t need to comment on the passersby or their activities. She just watches.

Sometimes we just need to take a break and watch the rest of the world rush around. When we do we realize that many of our activities are not crucial. We find perspective. If we look inside ourselves enough we can find peace.

When I used to fish with the kids when they were young, it didn’t matter if we caught anything. The best part of fishing was the companionship. The silent communication while we sat with our lines in the water. When we did speak we had a chance to talk about things that mattered to us. What mattered the most was the peace. There was no outside interference. It was our time. Each afternoon spent idyllically with fishing lines in the river was special. Those are the times we remember years later.

When we take time out from the chaos that normally surrounds us we somehow become better equipped to cope when we jump back in.

When I sit on my porch with Summer I feel that we have stepped back in time when families used to sit on their porches and wave hello to their neighbors as they walked by. I almost expect to see Atticus Finch and Scout and Jim walk by. It’s the peace in our minds that allows us to deal with the outside world.

Summer and I don’t catch fish and our conversations are one sided but we enjoy sitting with each other and watching the world walk by.

REPRINTED FROM THE NIKKEI VOICE November 2013 Issue.