Enhance your superpowers: listening part 1

Tips that will help you harness the superpower of listening, leading to more meaningful and productive interactions.

Be your authentic self

The best tip is to bring your most authentic self to the table. What is required to have an open mind and open heart?

For me it takes having a good night rest, swimming 45 minutes alone and walking in the early morning, and then spend some time in the garden, taking a salt bath and play some music while having only some fresh fruit as breakfast. That is the most ideal start of the morning and I will await the coachee or trainees and welcome them. My mind and heart are open, and my ego is minimized to: "this is not about me. This is about having the commitment to hear the other speak."

Sometimes when I was not as well-prepared in the content as my perfectionist-self would want to be, I would tell my self: calm down. Take time for your self. Even a few minutes to just send all thoughts away, instead of fighting to study some last points, create a better presentation,....

The most important tip: if all else fails, bring your authentic self to the table!

18 pro tips

1. Active Feedback

Show you’re listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and using verbal affirmations like “I see” or “Interesting.” From personal experience the positive open body language and a genuine smile is extremely helpful in almost any situation.

2. Reflect and Paraphrase

Summarize what the other person has said in your own words. This shows you’re engaged and ensures you understood correctly.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions | Utilize appreciative inquiry

Encourage the speaker to elaborate by asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Be willing to ask a question even if you think you almost understand it clearly.

4. Mindful Breathing

Practice deep, slow breathing to stay calm and focused. This helps you be present and attentive during the conversation.

5. Take Notes on a sheet of paper, a journal or a whiteboard

Don't use your mobile or computer to take notes. There can be exceptions such as when using a LCD projector to beam the results. However this will not deepen the interaction. Minimize the use of all electronic equipment to the bare minimum.

Jotting down key points can help you remember and show that you value what the speaker is saying.

Using a whiteboard will also help the speaker see his own ideas come to life. Being able to visualize with symbols will enhance the conversation to another level.

6. Set a Listening Goal

Before a conversation, set a goal for yourself to learn at least one new thing about the person or topic. This can help you stay motivated to listen.

Another type of goal to set is to choose one item on this list to improve your self. This is also helpful to measure your progress in listening skills.

7. Create a Comfortable Environment for your self and for the other (s)

Ensure the setting is conducive to listening, with minimal distractions and comfortable seating. This is the first step to strengthen your self in listening. The next step is to create an environment especially focused on the other person. Especially if you're an Empowerment Architect, a trainer, coach or supervisor, create an environment for the attendee to be as comfortable as possible. What will make this person feel appreciated?

8. Empathize

Some people are naturally empathic and others find it very difficult to "feel" the other person. Try to understand the speaker’s feelings and perspective especially if you know for yourself that it does not come naturally. Empathy can deepen your connection and improve your listening.

Practicing Empathetic Listening is about trying to understand the reality of the person, This means asking a number of questions to understand the situation better. If the thought "I cannot relate a single bit", then it's time for a number of open ended questions: What was happening? Where were you? How was this different?

Try to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and understand their perspective and emotions. The less you understand, the more you need to become a detective to understand the situation.

9. Stay Curious

Approach conversations with curiosity and an open mind, rather than preconceived notions or judgments.

10. Practice Patience

Give the speaker time to express their thoughts without rushing them. Sometimes pauses are needed for deeper insights to emerge. Increase your level to endure these pauses.

Allow for longer pauses, measuring how long you can wait before asking a follow-up question or making a statement. Aim for 15 seconds, then 30 seconds, and even up to a minute

11. Interrupting Less

Start recognizing how often you interrupt a speaker. When you feel the urge to interrupt, have a glass of water and take a sip without swallowing. This forces you to listen further before speaking.

12. Device-Free Focus

Put all your devices at least 2 meters away. Eight minutes of absolute attention is more valuable than 30 minutes of divided attention.

13. Invite Thoughtful Responses

When asking a question, encourage the speaker to take their time by saying, “Take a minute to think about it.” Then sit back, take notes, or get a coffee to give them space.

14. Physical Cues

Maintain an open posture, facing the speaker directly. This non-verbal communication signals that you are engaged and attentive.

15. Avoid Rehearsing Your Response!

Focus on what the speaker is saying instead of planning your reply. This helps you stay present and understand their message better.

Train your self to move from "listening to reply" to listening for deeper understanding

16. Summarize Key Points

After the conversation, summarize the main points to ensure you’ve captured the essence of what was said.

17. Use Minimal Encouragers

Phrases like “Go on,” “Tell me more,” or “What happened next?” can encourage the speaker to continue sharing without interrupting the flow of their thoughts.

18. Regularly Check Your Understanding

Periodically check in with the speaker to confirm that you’ve understood their points correctly, using phrases like “So is it correct that what I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like you’re saying…” "how well do I understand..."

Your path: be patient in this learning journey

There is a lot to learn in listening. I have been conducting workshops for tens of thousands, including training trainers, coaches, and leaders whereby listening is one of the key aspects that returns in ALL sessions. The most difficult part is experiencing the growth process yourself. After more than 30 years, this remains one of the most challenging skills to master. Choose specific moments to enhance listening skills, as maintaining composure when caught off-guard is far more difficult. Teaching someone the art of listening starts by being a great listener yourself.

Improving this skill may be the most challenging endeavor. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge that there will be situations where you do not listen well.

Ray

= An experienced bad listener striving to become a better listener every day =