The enduring gift of an elder

In African cultures, there is a concept loosely translated as ‘elder’ that does not have a perfect parallel in English. In two of the languages spoken in my native Togo, the word might be ‘grand frere’ in French or ‘fofo’ in Mina, but neither fully capture the concept’s richness. An elder is someone older and held in esteem in the community; although often referred to as ‘elder brother’ or ‘elder sister’, they are not necessarily a blood relation, but are within the circle of kinship shared by people from the same village or the same ethnic group.???

Most importantly, an elder is someone who possesses a potent combination of qualities that they apply on your behalf: confidante, advisor, benefactor, mentor, defender, and champion.???

In your lifetime, if you can find one person to serve as your elder, you are very fortunate indeed. You will have someone to advise you on difficult matters, to provide a more seasoned perspective, and to be your staunchest defender and protector. Your elder is a source of wisdom and guidance, an invaluable resource and ally who takes up your causes and shoulders your responsibilities as if they were their own.????

Strongest ally and toughest critic

But make no mistake, this elder is not an undiscerning cheerleader; they also demand much of you. They see your potential and will continually hold you to that standard. In the eyes of an elder, being your strongest ally may sometimes require being your toughest critic.???

In my life I have been fortunate to have several elders along the way. The first was my older brother Etienne, the eldest of my 10 siblings, who to this day continues to advise each of us on all matters of life. Early in my tech career at Ciena, Lucia Duggan stepped in as my elder sister, and later CEO Gary Smith became my mentor, providing lessons that continued to shape me as a leader years later. Along the way, several other leaders took on this role for periods of my life.?

But today I write in tribute to another elder, one whom I was fortunate to have in my life for 20 years. His name was Maurice Edorh, and we shared the special connection of two people who had ventured out in the world but traced their roots back to the same rural village.??

Maurice and I were introduced through family connections, but I think what bonded us was a powerful interest in building a better future for the people of Togo.? That led to a business partnership in 2004 as co-founders of Cajou Espoir, a fledging effort to develop a cashew processing business. At the time, I truly was the little brother—full of big dreams, but with no clue how to get things done in a country I hadn’t lived in since childhood.??

Taking up the dreams of another

Maurice became everything a young entrepreneur and his startup venture needed.? He took? my dream on as his own—serving as the eyes and ears on the ground, making the right introductions, coaching me on how to speak to dignitaries, spotting issues before they became problems, fixing problems before I even knew about them, and even cleaning up my missteps, typically quietly and behind the scenes.???

He did it all without expecting anything other than the comradeship of brothers. For the first 15 years of our business, Maurice refused to take a salary, choosing to put everything back into operations. When he finally agreed to be paid, he insisted on taking the same wage as an average worker, not the salary of a manager or COO.???

Throughout our partnership, Maurice was there providing what was needed at the time.? There were a few times when I was ready to give up; Maurice kept me going. At moments of? exhaustion, Maurice offered me strength. When I was lost or confused, he was a beacon. He was all the things an elder is, and for that reason, the business grew, my Togo development dream took shape, and I saw first-hand the tremendous impact an elder can have on the trajectory of another’s life.???

I was not the only beneficiary of Maurice’s guidance.? Already an accomplished man before our partnership, Maurice had been a college professor who had educated scores of students in business and management at the University of Lomé. The beneficiaries of his effort were in the thousands, but I was uniquely fortunate to have had him as my elder.???

Maurice passed away unexpectedly on Dec. 28, 2022, one year ago today. One day we were laughing and discussing our hopes and plans, and the next day he was gone. Since his passing, there have been many days I have found myself wishing to hear his counsel or laugh with him and speak about our dreams. There are also many days when I simply marvel at the great good luck I had in finding him.???

Gratitude and the gift of mentorship?

As I reflect on the past year, I hope most of you reading this have at least one elder in your life.? Take a moment during this season of gratitude to express your thanks to them. It doesn’t require anything fancy or formal, just a simple message from the heart letting them know how their support has sustained you. I wish I had told Maurice more often how much he meant to me and how grateful I was for his presence.?

I also hope you consider opportunities to serve as an elder yourself. Yes, you! While a bit of luck is involved in finding an elder, no such luck is required in BEING an elder. In fact, that is one of the great gifts of guiding a younger talent—it is important, it is rewarding, and it is available to everyone. Each of us, without exception, has it within our power to be a champion for someone else.???

If you have considered this idea but are waiting for the right time or are waiting to be asked, don’t wait! There is someone right now who can benefit from your expertise and advice. Be their Maurice—find them, listen intently to their dreams and plans, and commit to taking on one of their goals as if it were your own.??

I know you will be glad you made the first move. I am immensely grateful Maurice took that step with me, and I am honored to spread the legacy he left of investing in the success of another. I am confident he would join me in making this promise to you:? the investment you make to support the dreams of someone else will be one of the most rewarding and enriching experiences of your life.???