The end is where we start from: turning bad to good

Reposting this article I wrote several years ago as a message to the many people I have unexpectedly intersected with over the past week who are going through tough times...

Change happens, it’s a part of life. No matter how hard we work, how thoroughly we prepare, how many good things we do, how valuable our contributions may be or how well we fit in, the shadow of change can touch us. Unexpectantly. When it does, it can be devastating, dislocating, demotivating and, if we let it, damage our confidence and our inner psyche. Change is painful; is can be disenchanting and fill us with disillusionment when we realize that what was once a significant part of our life is gone and cannot be fixed.

When change comes, we can choose how to respond. We can try to refuse change, to not accept it, to fight it and procrastinate by wishing things were still as they were. Refusing change when it happens puts us in suspended reality, invites stagnation and can even precipitate a period of spiritual decay.

There are volumes written on the different phases of change, how we have to move through the chasm of anger and depression and then move to acceptance, to self-reflection and finally rebirth. This period of cathartic transition is defined by each of us, individually. There is a mixture of feelings: loss and sadness, certainly aloneness and isolation, emotional pain and fear. Depression and uncertainty. But on the other side, the opportunity that change presents can be a beautiful chance to redefine our very life, a new beginning.

The poet T.S. Elliot wrote ‘the end is where we start from’. How we deal with change, the decisions we make and the risks we take, will determine the course of our life for years to come. When we are summoned to answer the call of change, we can take stock and set a new course. Indeed, our character is not defined by how we act when things are going well; true character is defined by how we act when the going gets tough. We can reach down to find the courage to create a new future. We can. You can.

To do this, we need to leave the past behind, disown it and move on. Flush it, shoot it, bury it. Cast it aside like old clothes that no longer fit you. Anger is destructive and blocks us. Spend no time there. To create, it’s important to live in the present, not the past. Look ahead and consider what can be. Be present, in the present. Each of us has the privilege of being here on earth; I have so many friends who are gone, too soon. Family members. We owe it to them and more importantly to ourselves. We still have our gifts, either our intrinsic gifts or those we have created after years of education, hard work and experience. 

In our busy lives, we rarely take time to reflect and realize this, to appreciate it and to consider what opportunities they present. In fact, over time we can progressively, and without fully realizing it, accept compromises, sometimes uncomfortable compromises, due to the realities of life that put us in dissonance with our values, the things which are important to us and to which we hold dear.

Now is the time, its your chance to create a new you. What are you passionate about? Maybe you can put your strengths and assets together to create a new vision for your future that provides you things you never realized were missing. Or perhaps you did but didn’t act. Now you can. Maybe there are aspects of your life that have sat dormant and undeveloped. This is the perfect opportunity to reconnect to engage. Develop your new you.

Steve Jobs reminded us that our ‘time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.’

In a transition we often have many resources, many more resources, than are immediately apparent. In fact, sometimes our circumstances get in the way and we don’t fully utilize them. Perhaps the most important thing we can do in a period of change is to network. Well, what exactly is that you may wonder. It’s simply talking with people. Lots of people. This is not a time to withdraw and hibernate – you need to reach out and explore. Talk with your friends, with your friends' friends. Get introduced to new people. Re-discover old acquaintances. 

Networking and reading, reading reading reading, are two great paths to opening your horizons (check out ‘The Code of the Extraordinary Mind’ for a useful how-to). The more you do this, the more ideas you will be exposed to, which in turn can trigger more self-reflection. Some areas of interest will emerge and you can then try these on and talk about them with others to challenge and validate your thinking.

What was it you dreamed of when you were young. Where are you today. If they are different, perhaps now is the time. If they are same, but yet you have arrived at this juncture, you can reset your framework to provide a better alignment to get where you want to be. 

When bad things happen, there is a rupture in the framework through which we view our life. Turn bad into good. Learn from the past but don’t let it define you. Only you can do that. Seize the opportunity now to create your new future. 

Be inspired, be bold…be you.