The end of faculty tough love

A colleague told me that while he was making rounds in the ICU with a group of medical students and residents, one of them asked when they were going to take a coffee break.

How many times has someone asked to pick your brain, only to get grumpy when you didn't tell them what they wanted to hear or you suggested they stop swiveling in their chair or doing other things that were distracting during a Zoom call?

According to the?Merriam-Webster dictionary, tough love is “love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner (as through discipline), especially to promote responsible behavior.

The phrase “tough love” is thought to have been coined by Bill Milliken in his 1968 book of the same title. Since then, there have been countless books and articles written using that same name, with plenty of opinions on the merits of tough love and how (and if) it should be applied.

Practicing tough love is not about being rude or alienating friends or loved ones. Yet, when people we care about engage in unsafe habits or practices, it often becomes necessary to adopt a more serious approach to helping them grow. Some people mistakenly believe that tough love only affects the people who are being restricted. This is not the case. In fact, tough love can be just as hard on the person giving it as the one who is receiving it.

The business speak for tough love is radical candor.

Since the rules of the medical education and training road have changed, tough love is tough on those who try to give it, like advisors, consultants, medical school faculty and residency training attendings.

The repercussions of giving too much touch love to mentees, students or trainees are:

1. It takes the fun out of teaching
2. You are reported to the office of professionalism
3. You are criticized on social media
4. You are reported to the vice chancellor for diversity, equity, and inclusion
5. You are labeled as being out of touch with younger generational expectations
6. You get sued
7. You contribute to grade inflation
8. You have to be more tolerant of substandard performance
9. You are verbally or physically assaulted
10. You have to decide whether to walk the picket line in sympathy when students and residents go on strike

You will need to learn another way to tell someone their baby is ugly.

Town-gown gaps persist.

One thing they have in common, though, is overcoming the increasing barriers to rediscovering the joy of medicine. These days saying "I appreciate you" seems to be one way to close the gaps.

Arlen Meyers, MD, MBA is the President of the Society of Physician Entrepreneurs on Substack