End the Epidemic of Unaddressed Childhood Grief

Over 5.3 million children under the age of 18 in the United States are currently bereaved due to the death of a parent or sibling. COVID has contributed an additional 160,000 bereaved children to that number nationwide. Time magazine’s Dec. 9th article “Children, Coping With Loss, Are Pandemic’s ‘Forgotten Grievers’” states there is currently an epidemic of bereaved children due to COVID.?While this thankfully shines a spotlight on children who are grieving; sadly, children have always been the forgotten mourners and the epidemic has always been with us. ??

Over twenty years ago I wrote the following: “There is an epidemic of grief among children today as a result of death, separation, divorce, abandonment, violence, terrorism and wars, parental incarceration, and other family losses. Each year in the U.S. more than 1 million families are shattered by divorce and 1 in 14 children in the U.S. will experience the death of a parent or sibling before they reach the age of 18.”

As a children’s grief support professional and founder of two grief support centers for families I was happy to see coverage of the very serious issue of childhood bereavement in the New York Times and Time Magazine and many other publications. Children whose parents or primary caregiver died of COVID absolutely need our support.?But so do children whose parent died of cancer or a heart attack, or homicide or suicide, or serious illness or accident.?

Children coping with loss due to the death of a parent or sibling are children at-risk. They are more at risk for poor performance in school, depression, substance abuse, future health challenges, suicide and simply not living their lives fully and joyfully. Children are at greater risk than adults because they do not yet have the coping skills or life experience to deal with the painful feelings that accompany loss because they are still growing cognitively, psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally. The death of a parent is a trauma for a child but it doesn’t have to leave them traumatized if they get support.??

COVID did not create an epidemic of grieving children. We already had that. But again, what COVID has done is to shine a light on the topic just like after 9/11. The question now is what are we doing about it?

The single most important factor for resilience and coping with loss in children is the active involvement of at least one caring adult in the child’s life. ?But there’s the catch.?When a child’s parent or primary caregiver dies the single most important factor in their doing well has just died and the surviving parent is also traumatized and may not be able to focus on the child’s needs.??

This is where you come in.?Yes, you.?When a child has a loss, especially the death of a parent, your job is to show up and pay attention to them – the silent kid in the corner, the one acting out on the playground, the once outgoing kid who is now withdrawn.?Let them know their loss matters, that you see them, and that you are there. ?Your job is to listen, to help provide access to places like Imagine which is one of the over 500 free children’s grief support centers in the U.S., and to help them develop coping tools like mindfulness, journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or getting out in nature. ??

When my father died 48 years ago, I was 14; there was no awareness or support available when a child had a parent die.?My brother and I lost years of our lives to bottled up grief. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Every single adult who knows a child can help.?Knock on the door of their heart. Be their loving listener. Let them know their loss matters. For more information, support, and education visit Imagine at www.imaginenj.org or visit the National Alliance for Children’s Grief at www.childrengrieve.org.

By Mary L. Robinson, MA, CT

CNN Hero and Founder, Imagine, A Center for Coping with Loss

In Private Practice in Madison, NJ for those coping with grief, loss and life challenges