At the End of the Day

How can we learn to grieve well? If so, what might that look like?

Lis Whybrow Coaching for life, for death and all the messy bits in between

Grief is a challenging and complex, often strong and overwhelming, emotion related to different types of loss, such as the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or other significant life changes. While I can offer some general guidance and support, it's important to note that, although I am an end of life and grief coach, each person is so very different and has their own unique grief journey.

"Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom." - Rumi

Here are some general suggestions that may help you cope with your grief and give you insight as to how you might support someone who may be grieving:

1: Allow yourself to grieve

Maybe the first thing is to recognise that grief is a natural response to loss. In the words of the late Queen "Grief is the price we pay for love." It's so important therefore to give yourself permission to experience and express your emotions. That means it's okay , and perfectly normal, to feel sad, angry, or confused during this time and these feelings and emotions need to be expressed as you work through your grieving.

2: Seek Support

Grief can feel incredibly lonely and isolating. It is a path that only you can take towards healing and hope.

However, family, friends, or even support groups can all provide a listening ear and empathetic support. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others who have experienced similar loss can be comforting and helpful as you navigate your own grief path. Only the person grieving will know when they are ready to share deeply with others. No one can predict how long that will take.

3. Practice Self Care

It’s always important to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, but especially so when you are grieving. It is easy to get caught up in all the things that need to be done following the death of a loved one and forget the need to do even the simplest of things for yourself. This even includes stuff like cooking and shopping. Make sure you try and eat well even when you don't much feel like it. Self care also will likely involve you in engaging in activities that bring you comfort and solace, and might include exercise, meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature.

4.Set Realistic Expectations of yourself and others

Grieving takes time and cannot be rushed: there is no set timeline for healing. You will doubtless have to learn to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate your grief. It may at times feel like you will always feel weighed down with the pain and heartache. At other times it may be that you feel you are doing well, only to be knocked sideways and feel back to square one. Similarly, others around you may not be the help you had hoped they might be or seem to drift away after the initial attention they gave you. It may be that new people appear who are able to support and help you that you never expected.

5. Consider Professional Help

If you find that you feel stuck in your grief or your grief becomes overwhelming and all-consuming and interferes with your daily functioning, it may be beneficial to seek specialist guidance. This might involve asking your GP to recommend a specialist counsellor or therapist, it may be you could join a support group in person or online, it might be you simply need time one on one with a grief coach. They can provide specialised support and strategies to help you navigate through your grief journey. Remember, everyone's grief is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another.

6. And finally....

It's important to find coping strategies that resonate with you and provide the support you need during this challenging time. But you don’t need to do it alone. There is help and support out there, people willing to travel alongside you in your grief journey and help you see things differently and approach your future with hope and healing.

At the End of the Day none of us can escape grief but we can help ourselves by knowing a little more of what we might expect along the way and learn to be a bit kinder to ourselves if we are on that road, and to others we may know who are on that painful and unpredictable journey.

If you feel a one to one or even group session might help you or someone you know on their grief journey please do get in touch.