The End of the Broken Heart.........

I have never warmed to Endings, unlike beginnings which I LOVE, an ending leaves me feeling sad, anxious, and it's been known in the past for me to avoid an ending.

And yes endings happen in our lives and are inevitable.?From the grand ending of death, through to the micro endings of a day or a season.

As many of you reading this are aware I have been experiencing my own ending of a serious relationship and it has been a long slow burn.?18 months since I heard the words that I was no longer loved. I have wallowed in my emotions, sat in the slime pit of misery, bawled my eyes out, gratefully received hugs from friends (and strangers), read messages of support, and sat with it all and processed it.

You might be wondering why it’s taken 18 months? Well, dating a Frenchman, plus covid, plus Macron’s dislike of the Brits, and my need to get to my beloved mountains to ski all added up to me only being able to get back to Méribel in the last two weeks to collect my stuff.

In the weeks leading up to my departure to the mountains I was aware this would be an ending and I wanted to honour and mark it.?I packed up my journal, tea, oracle cards, and tissues.?I wasn’t exactly sure what was going to happen or what I would do but knew I was going to do something.

Within the context of gatherings and workshops, Priya Parker describes endings like sunsets (they occur every 24 hours) yet as humans we are surprised when they happen, rarely prepare for them, and sometimes try to skip over them.?All of these behaviours are often due to our own discomfort with the thought of something ending and maybe because we are avoiding pain.

Priya Parker talks about there being two parts to ending well.

Step one is to go inwards to make meaning.

We take time to connect with the content one last time.?Reading our notes, looking at posters on the wall, self-reflection, and talking with others.

·???????Ask yourself what you noticed?

·???????Your personal learnings?

·???????What does it mean to me?

·???????My lightbulb moments……

Step two is separation and re-entry into our own world.?Consideration is given to how we leave the space, the gathering, or the workshop and re-enter everyday life.

·???????What of this world will I take with me?

·???????What of this journey will I keep and use?

·???????What do I choose to leave behind?

·???????How will I take what I have learned and use it in my future world?

And with an ending of a workshop or a gathering I think there are things we can do to support us to move forward when a relationship or friendship ends.

Sitting on chairlifts gives you a unique perspective of the world, quiet time to think and reflect so I noodled out the questions above in relation to my past love.

I sat for tea with my wonderful friend and teacher, Laura Beckingham.?This daily and weekly ritual calmed me, gave me space to be still, be witnessed, and be held.

Journaling helped me to get my thoughts and emotions out of my head and down onto paper, multiple baths helped dissolve the tears, and conversations with friends let me know I was loved.

It was quite a couple of weeks and I used up all the tissues! However knowing the emotions were going to come up helped, having ways to sit with it all definitely helped, and knowing friends were at the end of the phone was a big comfort.

As I sit at Geneva Airport writing this I am feeling ok.?

As Patrick Cowden would ask “How are you, really?”.??

And really I am ok.?I know I am over the hump and moving through to closing this 7 year chapter of my life.?I do have many learnings (for another blog), the weight of sadness in my heart is getting lighter and easier to carry.

There is a calm feeling shifting through me and I think I am getting curious about what the next beginning will be………………..?