End 2024 Reflection - Finding Meaning in Life- Gratitude (Inspired by the book “Being Mortal”)

I considered different titles for the last article of the year, such as something classic, like "Redefining 2024 in Marketing & Branding," "Lessons from a New Kathy," or even "My LinkedIn Journey Wrap-Up."

The changes that happened this year are tremendous, but there are too many to cover. So, I have been thinking about the "ONE THING" I ever wanted to write about.

Then I came across the book Being Mortal. It's been famous for quite some time, but I avoided it because I thought it was pretty mainstream. It turned out it was soul-shifting.

This book not only reminded me of being a mortal revolutionized from Homosapien, but also that we are the mortals who are emotional.

Disclaimer: While inspired by Atul Gawande's "Being Mortal," these reflections are deeply personal and intertwined with my own experiences and understanding. The fate of aging is not dark; if we understand the later stage of life, the situation, and its potential outcomes, we will be happy by asking tough questions and having difficult conversations until the very last moment.

?(All quoting from the book in italics)

My Family

When I turned 21, my mom was 58; my dad was 61; this year, they are 71 and 74, respectively.

My dad has been grappling with heart issues after years of minor health challenges. My mom, though healthier, is not immune to the inevitabilities of aging.

As wanderers, we often struggle to be by the side of the family at a distance. However, we are all very independent, which sometimes makes me wonder: Are we overly independent as a family?

The question of independence and interdependence tugs at me every day. ??

What do Mortals do?

1.????? Make decisions every day

We choose from small tasks like brushing our teeth or drinking coffee to major decisions such as buying a property or having surgery.

2.????? Want to have control of life

We all want to feel like we're taking charge of our own lives. My choice, not yours.

3.????? Want to have free will

The author says, "Wants are fickle."

While desires emerge from needs, I call them yearning. However, we often confuse desires with needs, chasing the fleeting while ignoring the meaningful. Frankfurt's Volitions' second-order desires—a desire for a desire—remind us of the importance of reflecting on what truly matters.

Above all else, mortals, aka WE, want to be happy. ??

BUT we can't fight against the fate of aging. Aging (or sometimes less fortunate events) will slowly take these away.

And this is what makes us Mortal when

• Change happens = the mid-way

Studies find that as people age, they interact with fewer people and concentrate more on spending time with family and established friends. They focus on being rather than doing and on the present more than the future.

• The definition of home intensified.

We haven't, though, because we find it hard to believe that anything better is possible for when we are so weakened and frail that managing without help is no longer feasible. We haven't had the imagination for it.

• The fragility hits one (gradually), and the passing is due not mainly to one reason—comorbidities/ individual problems, but collective problems.

Deterioration of the cutaneous mechanoreceptors in the pads of the fingers produces loss of sensitivity to touch. Loss of motor neurons produces loss of dexterity. Handwriting degrades. Hand speed and vibration sense decline. Using a standard mobile phone, with its tiny buttons and touch screen display, becomes increasingly unmanageable.

• The older you grow, the more you feel like a baby in the cradle—being told what to do or not do.

She also told my father he needed to do just two main things… Eat the medicine regularly and do not attempt to get around without help.

The Paradoxes?

1. The tension between interdependence and connection as a family

Glorifying some story of a ninety-seven-year-old who runs marathons created an expectation of age independently and gracefully.

Freedom of choice that makes us proud and self-sufficient, aka quality of life, often overrides the need for connection.

Think again, the three generations household.

2. The continuum of care

I can't help but acknowledge that in medicine and public health, care has transformed, and perceptions have shifted. However, aging doesn't change; it's a norm.

So, can emerging care homes or villages answer what's more important to patients and older adults at the end of their lives? Are they caring for what people care about?

3. Challenges being a caregiver

We were up against the unfixable. But we were desperate to believe that we weren't up against the unmanageable.

This hit me hard, especially as an interviewer/ author for the untold stories about caregiver challenges. It is a constant challenge.

4. Perceptions of doctors differ between different specialties, so there are three types of doctors: Dr. Informative, who shares facts and figures; Dr. Know-Best; and Dr. Interpretative with more empathy.

To a geriatrician, though, it is a medical problem. People can't stop the aging of their bodies and minds, but there are ways to make it more manageable and to avert at least some of the worst effects.?

Questions or Truths?

1. What is medicine for?

The advancement of medicine is to prolong and delay while suffering or relief is a faint line between when our body will function until it stops functioning.

2. The shifting of priorities based on the prediction of the length of living

People with serious illnesses have priorities besides simply prolonging their lives. Surveys find that their top concerns include avoiding suffering, strengthening relationships with family and friends, being mentally aware, not burdening others, and achieving a sense that their lives are complete.

3. Has the healthcare system really failed to meet these needs?

Some say our current healthcare system fails to meet essential needs, and its consequences go beyond financial costs. The real question is how to create a healthcare system that helps people achieve what matters most at the end of their lives. But is it only justifiable when it serves the larger aims of a person's life?

Is knowledge become merely education when emotions intertwine with the end of life?        

Final Thoughts

The question of independence and interdependence was no longer a question.

I began to rethink my approach to gratitude.

Instead of imagining our last 24 hours, let's connect with those around us who might be experiencing their last 24 hours. This shift raises other questions:

• Would we show more gratitude?
• Would we express our love more often?
• Would we appreciate the small moments more deeply?

The answer: Yes. ?        

As I enter 2025, this reflection serves as both a wake-up call and an empowerment.

Be (more) grateful. ??        

Being mortal isn't a limitation to fear but a reality that can enrich our appreciation for life and make us more grateful and more gracious in facing challenges, fate, relationships, and hope.

Understanding our mortality doesn't have to darken our outlook. Instead, it brightens up what truly matters, connecting with people we love and helping us live more fully until our final moments.

See? The key lies not in fighting against the inevitable but in embracing each chapter of our unique story with empathy, understanding, and care in the present moment.

With gratitude, let's laugh lots, eat well, sleep well, read more, and be happy in 2025. ??

?

Peace out ?,

Kathy Low from 2024

(Coming soon! Launching a monthly newsletter in 2025!) ??

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Reference:

Kindle: https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Atul-Gawande-ebook/dp/B00KM46CSS/

Frankfurt's Volitions: https://philosophy.tamucc.edu/notes/frankfurts-theory

Elder Care support in different countries:

Singapore: https://ntuchealth.sg/elderly-care

Germany: https://familienportal.de/familienportal/lebenslagen/alter/staatliche-leistungen

Malaysia: https://www.malaysia.gov.my/portal/content/27753