Enacting Positive and Lasting Life Change

           For whatever the reason may be, the word and idea of ‘change’ is not something that we as individuals seem to enjoy or embrace very readily. We as human beings are most certainly creatures of habit and thus, are not always eager to make changes and adjustments to our regular, everyday habits – even when it may be more than necessary to do so. As the old saying goes however, “the only constantly in life is change.” Change, whether it be to our relationships, careers, or selves, is an aspect of life that always has been, and likely always will be, a major player in our lives as individuals; so we might as well get used to it and better yet, learn how to master the art of change.

           When discussing ‘change’ and further, what it ultimately takes to enact lasting, long term ‘change,’ for the sake of this article, we’ll be examining this phenomenon from the perspective of the individual. I have had several individuals (friends, colleagues, relative strangers) approach me or tell me, as I am sure I have promised friends and colleagues in the past, that they are committed to, ready for, and in need of change in their lives and yet, time after time, that change they so readily discuss and seem ready to embrace, ceases to arrive. They continue along in their old habits and ways, even if those old habits and ways are deleterious to their overall well-being, and ultimately end up back exactly where they began: downtrodden, disheartened, and desperate for a change.

           On that note, the idea of ‘enacting lasting positive life changes’ is one that has intrigued me personally for some time and has subsequently fueled my desire to do the work I currently do. Whether it be through the form of years of weekly 50-minute talk therapy sessions, a powerful 45 minute keynote presentation, or just a simple 5 minute interaction with the correct phrasing that flips the switch within an individual, enacting positive and LASTING life changes in another’s life is a skillset that only a few brave, intelligent, and highly admirable individuals seem to be able to calmly performs in this existence (the names Dr. Richard Halgin and Tony Robbins instantly jump to the forefront of my mind). How can we as individuals personally begin that process of change, however? If we know in our heart of heart that things need to change in our lives for the better, whether it be to revive a withering relationship, save a career, or simply for our own personal well-being, how do we even begin that change process and what needs to be present in order for us to prompt such major life changes?

           One of the first factors I believe needs to be present in order for change to be enacted is a personal understanding and awareness of the fact that change is necessary, a further understanding of what is causing such an impetus for change, and ultimately, why we as individuals so desperately need such change(s) in our lives. As the old saying goes, ‘the first step to fixing a problem is recognizing that one exists.’ This first, crucial step, mandates that, to the best of our abilities, we bypass our egos and further admit to the flaws and faults we as individuals possess. We must be able to personally admit to ourselves: “X or Y is an issue in my life, personality, and/or identity and it needs to change.” This is by no means easy. Not only can it often be difficult to see our own personal flaws in life, but it can be equally difficult for us to personally admit to the fact that these flaws and personality characteristics within ourselves are causing us distress and need to be addressed. Once we admit and identify our personal problems in need of change, we can then begin the process of further understanding what it takes to actually enact lasting life change.

           In addition to us identifying that some sort of positive and lasting change needs to take place in our lives, I personally believe that it can be extremely beneficial and motivating when we are given a powerful enough REASON to change. As the founder of Onnit, the ultimate human optimization company, Aubrey Marcus commonly states that “people are motivated by one of two things in life: inspiration or desperation.” In this section, I want us to focus and home in on that second component: desperation. We briefly touched on this component earlier in this piece when we discussed the fact that we change in life when we have a reason to change – when we are DESPERATE for a change. Whether it be to save a dying relationship, redirect a dead-end career, or to finally climb our way out of the depths of depression and back to a state of consistent happiness and contentment, we need a powerful REASON to begin the long and arduous process of enacting last positive change in life. In summary, there must be a powerful enough impetus, reason, or driving force for us to be driven to change our lives, personalities, and identities for the better and for the long run.

           Finally, when we ultimately elect to change our lives for the better and foreseeable futures, we must be firmly committed to not only enacting such change but more importantly, to putting in the work to properly SUSTAIN such lasting and permanent positive life changes. In the words of Denzel Washington in his 2017 NAACP Image Awards Acceptance Speech “without commitment you’ll never start, but more importantly without CONSISTENCY you’ll never finish.” Committing to the process of self-improvement and enacting a positive lasting life change is not a onetime, one off event. Self-improvement, very much like happiness in life, is a never-ending hunt and pursuit. If we want to change our ways of going out every weekend and drinking, we can’t not go out one weekend and call it a change. We have to commit to not going out one weekend, then the weekend after that, and the weekend following that one, so on and so forth. It is a difficult pursuit and journey to make that certainly takes a wholehearted commitment. With that being said, it is often a very necessary evil we must commit to and stay consistent to if we wish our lives to change for the better and for good.

           To change. To change one’s relationship, career, personality, identity, or life as a whole for the better and for good is a difficult, long, often frightening endeavor for many of us. Change however, is often the only constant in this crazy existence we call life. Whether we like it or not, our external world around us, and subsequently our internal worlds, are always changing. Whether it be a change in our jobs, a forced change in our closest and intimate relationships, or a simple change in the weather – change is truly one of the only constants in this existence. The question then becomes, how do we deal with the myriad of change we will ultimately be faced with in our lives? Will we allow change to dictate and control our lives? Or will we consciously elect to master the process and art of change in our lives, taking full accountability for the changes life will throw our way as we elect instead to master the art of permanent, long lasting, and positive life change?

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