Although the topic is still somewhat taboo, our jobs take up the majority of our waking hours. We often spend more time at work than we do with our loved ones and friends.
Another factor is that we have no control over the types of people we encounter at any company. Therefore, the only thing we can control is our own behavior. If we’re lucky, we may only face such situations briefly in our lives. However, it is very common to experience them, regardless of the industry or level of expertise. The best we can do is grow, learn to keep our identity and dignity intact, and protect ourselves while detaching from such influences as much as possible.
Through my 15+ years of work experience, I’ve dealt with various intensities of such situations. People are not as unique as they think, and patterns never lie. Here are some of the rules that have helped me (though not foolproof):
- Set Clear Boundaries Early On: Most toxic colleagues will try to get close to you shortly after you start. Be friendly, but politely decline any advances. Be selective about whom you add to your social media accounts. If you’ve already added them, feel free to remove them. Toxic colleagues with too much time on their hands will fabricate stories about you regardless of how close you are to them. Avoid giving them reasons to appear credible by keeping your distance.
- You Were Hired to Do a Job: You were not hired to be everyone’s best friend. Be professional and friendly, but you are not obligated to do more than that to keep your position. If you find yourself in a toxic environment, consider leaving sooner rather than later. Your private life and well-being will suffer if you allow the wrong people into your life.
- Stay Away from Unhappy Colleagues: Avoid colleagues who continuously complain about the company. Most office bullies feed on negativity, and if none exists, they’ll create it. Just because they’re unhappy doesn’t mean they should bring everyone else down. Don’t listen to them. Focus on your own work and experience. Negative attention is still attention—ignore them.
- Stay Out of the Gossip Circles: This point follows the previous one. Don’t believe gossip, even if it seems true, because there’s often no evidence. Office bullies use true but unrelated information to build credibility so that when they spread rumors, they seem more believable. Usually, you can identify this by noticing how gossipers exaggerate positive attributes within their toxic groups while doing the opposite when speaking of colleagues outside of their circle. It’s always a group.
- Document and Protect Yourself: I was fortunate to learn this early on. Document interactions and don’t let everything slide. You don’t deserve to be bullied or undervalued by your organization. Keep track of your work and any work-related interactions with colleagues.
- Keep Privacy Outside of Your Department: This might sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people overshare meeting summaries. Toxic colleagues collect information from all departments to use it for their benefit or to appear more influential. Most of the time, it’s recycled information shared by different colleagues.
- Don’t Take It Personally: Insecurity is a strong illness. Some people think less of themselves and experience severe anxieties related to their job security. Understand that their behavior has nothing to do with you. They are just scared and can’t see the damage they cause to other people and the company.
- Don’t Blame Colleagues Who Were Swayed: Some colleagues will unfortunately succumb to the dynamics of office politics and toxicity. Forgive them, and reflect on your behavior. If something you did or said bothered them, try to have an open conversation. Nothing scares office bullies more than positive connections between people because they can’t control that.
- Do Something About It: You don’t have to accept being bullied at work—the place where you spend the majority of your time. Speak up to your Human Resources department or direct manager. Remember that you were hired to do a job, and it’s in the company’s best interest that you can function well.
- Build Positive Relationships: Interact more with colleagues who have a positive, productive, and proactive mindset. Find your crowd—even if it’s just one person, that’s more than enough.
Start your days with a smile, distance your personal life from work, don’t date in the office, and only get close to people you trust. Avoid gossip and don’t spread rumors. Lastly, don’t let the negativity of a few people bring you down. Stay focused, professional, and committed to cultivating a positive lifestyle—whatever percentage of it is within your control.
Finally, remember that it’s okay not to be liked by everyone; your self-worth shouldn’t come from other people. What have you learned from your past experiences? Feel free to share any tips or reflections in the comments.
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