This morning, my mentor asked me a thought-provoking question: “Yengyee, how can you be more selfish? I am not worried about your work. I am concerned about you.” I understand that embracing a balanced form of ‘self-interest’ isn’t about neglecting others—it’s about honoring me while still respecting those around me.
Do you struggle with this, too? My mentor’s gentle reminder gave me an opportunity to recenter and think about how I can better honor myself.
The word “selfish” first appeared in English around the early 17th century and has typically carried a negative connotation, reflecting behavior that is seen as lacking consideration for others. However, if we break the term apart, “selfish” originates from the English word “self,” which refers to an individual’s own person or identity. The suffix “-ish” can mean “having the character or nature of” or “belonging to.” So if we belong to ourselves, are we really self-interested/selfish or self-whole and one with ourselves? ??
I will leave that for you to ponder while thinking about the benefits of honoring yourself and belonging more to you:
- Strengthens Personal Integrity: Prioritizing your own interests fosters self-respect and reinforces your authenticity. This self-alignment enhances your personal integrity and empowers you to live true to your values.
- Enhances Collective Well-being: When we are fulfilled and content, we contribute more positively to our relationships and communities. A happy individual adds to the happiness of those around them.
- Promotes Mutual Respect: Asserting your own needs while considering others cultivates mutual respect, which is foundational for healthy, balanced relationships. We can’t truly respect others until we can respect ourselves, and others can only respect us as deeply as we respect ourselves.
Strategies for Honoring Yourself Compassionately:
- Communicate Openly: Effectively express your needs and listen to those of others. Balancing these conversations ensures that all voices are heard and valued. It took me a long time and is still a work in progress to communicate openly about my needs and wants, mostly because I am accommodating and flexible and don’t take things definitively (black and white). I now have a limit to being workable.
- Allocate Time Intentionally: Dedicate time to pursuits that resonate with your passions and values. Equally, make time to support and uplift others, ensuring a balance that enriches both your life and the lives of those around you. Being a single mom and being the mom and leader I want to be and teach, I don’t negotiate my time with my kids. That means it is a NO to almost everything and anything that does not involve them.
- Embrace Negotiation: Look for win-win solutions in situations involving multiple interests. Compromise allows for everyone’s needs to be met, fostering an environment of cooperation and respect. I give a lot in work because it aligns with who I am, at the same time, I won’t do anything to undermine my worth.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: Define clear boundaries that protect your time and energy. These boundaries allow you to commit fully to your chosen activities and relationships without overextending yourself. I don’t do things that drain me, take me out of my values-based character, or are not grounded in my heart. ??
Today, I am reignited in Belonging to Myself. What steps can you take this week to better honor your interests while contributing positively to the greater good? ?? #SelfEmpowerment #CompassionateLiving #CommunityEngagement #PersonalGrowth
