Empowering women through career coaching

In my day-to-day work as a career coach, I empower women, as well as men, to become better versions of themselves.

Every woman who approaches me has a need that she believes I am capable to satisfy. Reaching out for me is proof that she believes it is possible for her to make some sort of change. And this is all that I need to be willing to help her fill the gap between who she is and who she wants to become.

In this article, I will highlight 6 major ways in which I empower aspiring women to thrive in professional life.

1/ Creating a safe space

D.L came to me in complete disorder. Speaking about how others are harsh and unrespectful towards her, and how this is affecting her appetite for work and life. She broke into tears when reporting the last time she considered a new opportunity and how her husband ridiculized her and recalled her past failures.

Even though she came to ask for help, what she needed most was a safe space to share her feelings and thoughts. Putting down any social mask, she was allowed to tell all the story. She has an opportunity to listen to THE story that she kept telling herself all the last years. My role was to occasionally ask some questions to make her more aware of this story.

Once she felt better, we started creating distance between her and the story. And identifying what she wants to keep, and what she needs to change, or immediately get id off.

No judging.

No blaming.

No feeling of guilt.

No advice.

Here is the situation laid in front of you, dear. What do you, YOU, choose to do about it.

I just offer her a safe space to put weights off her shoulders, take again control of the situation, and decide what she wants to do about it.

2/ Listening versus lecturing

In the first meeting with clients, they tend to write some lines about the problem. This naturally triggers my thoughts towards the solution. My ego shouts "I know how to solve this!".

Most of the time the real problem isn't what they reported. 

I'm not intelligent enough to (fill in the blanc) but I really feel like to do it. I love this field but have no ability to start creating work samples because it needs a high QI. Would you please help on that?

Apparently, my client struggles with intellectual abilities, and then my help would be to help her develop them.

But the reality is that she doesn't love this field. People that she is dependant to, do. And she just seeks their respect and approval.

Her real need is to be connected to her TRUE self.

I have a set of questions that I use for that goal. It takes few minutes before I start feeling the kid inside of her showing up. This kid has an energetic smile and tone of voice.

She starts understanding her real need, the real field or job she needs to join in order to be the happiest on earth.

I don't lecture.

I don't advise.

I tell stories.

I ask specific questions.

She, most of the time, ends up making the conclusion of the discussion and saying with a wonderful smile and a confident tone:

I know what to do now.

  3/ She is no exception

A big number of my clients especially abused women, think of their problems as a shame. That's why they rarely speak about it in detail. They try to hide it from others and swallow bitterness in silence.

When I come across that, an easy way to make a woman more safe and secure is to share short and real stories about successful women who had been through the same, or even worse conditions.

The details that I state identifies with what she thought was shameful and she couldn't share.

Most of the time it wasn't her fault. She wasn't responsible for what happened, so why should she pay the price?

When telling those abused women stories, I give her the opportunity to witness that it wasn't their fault. And by explaining how some of them took the decision to make a change whereas others chose to hide behind the shame, I send a clear message to her:

Now you know you are not an exception, which type of woman do you choose to become?

4/ Leading with example

When I carried my research in the software testing field, I met a huge number of testers who can't speak about their selves.

Women, as well as men, can't take control of their work. Instead, they copy what others believe is sound. 

Thus, they frequently asked me "How can you be so confident, share what you think, and challenge experts?"

I actually had a living role model of whom I want to become: my mentor James Bach. 

We have an infinity of differences, yet we are both buccaneer scholars who don't accept to be fed knowledge, but rather make sense of things for their selves.

For a woman to succeed, she needs a role model. It can be me, a manager, someone in her family, in history, or in media.

She needs someone to embody the success she aspires to. Does this make her a copy of someone else?

It looks like that for outsiders. But a woman with a role model is guided but doesn't become a copy of the guide.

Can she exceed them? yes, most of the time.

Is it possible for her to change her role model? true, whenever she feels the need to do that depending on the stage needs.

The most important advantage of having a role model is knowing that what one aspires to already exists, there is a living example of it. The question I ask to find out that is:

Who do you dream to become like?

and this empowers her to identify what attitude and habits she needs to have in order to bridge the gap to best self.

5/ The 4 steps strategy

1- Identifying the goal

2- Determining the plan

3- Taking action

4- Adapting to change

Those are the 4 steps of any achievement. Skipping one of them will delay the success or cancel it.

M.B aspired to become a software tester. She shared how she enjoys testing a lot but doesn't have a degree or a certification

in the field. Her background was social work. I told her this is possible because I know a number of successful testers

with the same background. Once she connected with a number of them, she knew it is possible to achieve her dream.

She became enthusiastic to prepare a plan for the transition. One of her role models did it with her. But he was very nusy to coach her every week.

So she had to take action alone. As testing is a known field for me I taught her how to seek feedback

and whom to approach to discuss her results. One of the people she contacted for feedback felt her enthusiasm for the job and 

suggested to her to join his friend's team working mostly on Jest. She didn't know Jest a lot, so she had to learn something

different from the testing I presented to her. And she got the job."

It may look different than what it was intended to be. But the work done will never be worthless. It just has to not get in the way of adapting to change and seizing opportunities. 

6/ Success is more frightening than failure

Most women think that failure will break them. But they know nothing about how success can fire back.

Emily did all the expected work and started a new role as a copywriting freelancer. But she didn't feel well. She started 

sabotaging herself by delivering less than the quality she is capabale of. And this thritten the sustainabilty of her success.

I asked some questions and find out that she links succeeding even more to becoming a selfish person who doesn't care about others. Her cousins used to support her in her misery, now that she started earning well she no more will need their support.

Oh yes, success has a price. Acquiring a new selfish self.

By selfish I mean someone who will love himself and protect her.

Once you take action something will change, and change has a price: you will not please some people anymore. You will remind them continuously that they are responsible for what is happening in their lives.

Not everyone will accept to pay the prince to succeed, and then the price of staying successful. It frightens the most courageous among us, human creatures, to stick to success.

Do you know what success feels like? IT feels cold, lonely and uncomfortable.

By acknowledging this, I help my client to accept and support her new self, actually from the day we fixed the goal.

But she needs always, once she reaches the top, some kind of top, to remember that success is more frightening than failure.