Empowering the next generation of professional women to choose their own path

Welcome to Swag-HER!: Your Career, Your Way, a newsletter for professional women and their allies! We’ll explore how to break through the barriers to your success, making space for the career - and life -? you want.

I’m so glad you’re here. If this is our first time meeting, you can learn more about me and the work I do here. Make sure you never miss an issue by clicking the "Subscribe" button in the upper right corner of the page!

Just a few weeks ago, my younger daughter, Katie, graduated from college. It was such a wonderful day, so joyful and so full of promise. This was a group of proud graduates, and their smiles and cheers said it all.?

The class of 2024 has not walked an easy path. They missed their high school graduation. They missed parties and games and class trips and prom. Still, these resilient young adults all took the chance of starting college in a terrifying time. They wore masks and socially distanced, and attended outdoor orientations in scorching temps. They had courage (as did their parents!). I recall being given just two hours for only one parent to move Katie into her dorm to limit the number of people in the building. When she got Covid, she had to isolate in a separate dorm room, all alone. It was tough.

But things got better, and she blossomed.?

Words can’t express how amazing it is to see your child develop into who they are going to be. Katie is at that sheer potential stage. And even though I know your twenties (and your first job) are notoriously challenging, her college experience prepared her to start her job in July. She is surrounded by strength and support from her family and the lifelong friends she has made.?

I want this remarkable young woman to have whatever she wants for her life, her career, her family, her friendships. That’s why it was so difficult to hear the commencement speech Chiefs’ kicker Harrison Butker gave that same weekend at Benedictine College.

“Diabolical lies”

I was so disappointed in his inability to understand the moment in these new graduates’ lives, and in the US. He made the speech about himself, not these new graduates, he took their day as his platform. I absolutely support everyone’s right to free speech, but freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from criticism.

In case you haven’t had the chance to watch or read the speech, here’s just a little snippet, and you can read it in full here. ?

“For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives. I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.

I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I’m on the stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation… All of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker.”

As you imagine, he’s received considerable backlash for his comments (including from an order of nuns affiliated with Benedictine College). Butker went after a number of different groups and issues, but this week I want to talk about the part of his speech he directed at women.?

Boxed in

While there are many shared experiences among women, we are very diverse. Our beliefs vary widely, and each woman has her own set of goals, wants, and needs for her own life (just like men do). Women are already put into a box of expectations. We should be nice, look good, think of others, be pleasant and acquiescing. When we step out of that box in any way, it makes some people uncomfortable . The box is already small enough, but Butker’s prescription for us reduces the box even further.?

About a quarter of mothers currently stay at hom e, for reasons that vary from woman to woman. Some women choose to stay home because they want to, but it’s more complicated than that. While Isabelle Butker can certainly afford to stay at home on her husband’s NFL salary, that is an option that’s out of reach for many. The rising cost of living means that many simply can’t afford to stay at home. Others stay home not because they want to, but because the lack of affordable childcare — a major issue for young professional women (and men) — forced them to make a difficult decision. Butker also seems to forget about the over 15 million single mothers in the United States. Every family’s situation is different.?

Butker’s speech tells us that he thinks he knows better about what matters to women, adding his voice to a growing chorus of people who think a woman's place is truly only in the home. It’s disheartening to hear, when we reflect on women’s hard-won ability to even attend school in the first place. Internationally, nearly 120 million girls are out of school, and the right to education isn’t a guarantee in the United States. If families take his words to heart, will they be reluctant to send their daughters to college??

Butker’s words reinforce what’s on the line for women in this country: limit after limit on women’s decisions about our lives.?

Leading the change

As infuriating as all this is, I want to deliver some good news. As a mother of two Gen Z daughters and as someone who teaches at a university, I can assure you: these women won’t tolerate this nonsense the way my generation did.?

And isn’t that wonderful??

The women of this generation are incredibly ambitious ; 9 in 10 women ages 30 and under want to be promoted to the next level and three 3 in 4 aspire to become senior leaders. Well over half say professional advancement has become more important to them in the past two years. The majority of young professional women I coach, counsel, and converse with want to lead, make an impact , and gain bigger opportunities than are currently coming their way. They want meaningful work and purpose, and they want a life, too. For some that includes a partner and children, for some it doesn’t. It is of their choosing.?

From pay equity to work-life balance to improved diversity initiatives, Gen Z is positively changing the way we work in a way that benefits us all. In a world where women still experience workplace bias and where people like Harrison Butker hold a worldview that limits us, their influence is a welcome change.

“It’s not about you, it’s about me.”

I want to take the moment to talk directly to the young professional women who may be reading this. I truly believe that you will change the world.?

I want the same for you as I do for my own daughter; the autonomy to live the life of your choosing. Along the way, there will be people like Butker and his ilk who think they know better than you do about what you want. They want to make your personal and professional life about them. Don’t let them.?

Whether you graduated this month or 10 years ago, I want you to say to yourself: “It’s not about you, it’s about me.”

The best title I ever received was mom. I can’t imagine life without my daughters. I also can’t imagine my life without my work.? And through it all, I’ve found a way to fit both into my life in varying ways to be good, not perfect, at both. I wouldn’t be the mom I am without the satisfaction I’ve received through my work, and I think I’m a better leader as a result of being a mom. We’ve struggled to move the myths and biases that assume women will quit when they are pregnant, like my mom was forced to do, or that we can’t hold down the big jobs once we have kids. And if we don’t want to have kids or a relationship, we have to undo that bias, too.

Like my daughter’s bravery to go to college in a mask, we can all tap our courage to unmask the biases and make choices that are best for us. No matter what generation you belong to, you are part of carving a path and lighting the way for all the women who aspire to what men have had for centuries.?

When my daughter graduated, I gave my 10 Tips I Wish I Knew Earlier in My Career to her and her friends. Now I’m passing this free resource on to you.?

The Mirrored Door: Break Through the Hidden Barrier that Locks Successful Women in Place is now available! Winner of the 2023 NYC Big Book award, it's the perfect gift for the professional woman in your life. Click here to get your copy!?

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