Empowering The Moms. Discover What Signs To Look For In Exhausted Mothers, And Support Their Mental Health With A Safe Space Toolkit.
Ready for this week’s exercise? Let’s hold a small bottle of water in our hands and follow it by stretching our arms. Easy, right? What if I ask you to keep our arms stretched for an hour or two. Not so easy now, is it? As time passes by, the weight of the water, no matter how small, will exhaust our arm muscles, making it more and more difficult to hold it.?
Now, let’s consider what is experienced by expecting mothers. Holding a small water bottle becomes heavier in the first couple of hours, even minutes. Isn’t it fascinating how these mothers are able to carry a weight of 3-4 kilos for several months? Fascinating, but definitely exhausting. So, how can we expect mothers to quickly adapt to their new environment, while recuperating their physical and mental energy?
As a community, simple steps can be taken by us to shoulder some of the stress that mothers go through. It is within our ability and necessity to care for this maternal mental well-being, providing them with the support and comfort they need to face the challenges ahead. Join us in this blog as we discover the warning signs of depleted mental health, and how to create a safe space to nurture the psychological well-being of the mothers in our society.
What to look for?
With the constant obstacles that many mothers face, they may find themselves unable to rejuvenate the mental energy they are consuming. This mental drainage is manifested in emotional and physical signs. What are these signs and what do they entail?
Persistent sadness: It’s expected that a new mother struggles with some emotional dysregulation due to hormonal imbalances. However, persistent sadness or frequent crying episodes are warning signs of deteriorated mental health.
Anhedonia: Many mothers struggle with balancing their new roles and responsibilities which may lead to burnout or exhaustion. Anhedonia, on the other hand, is when a person loses interest or pleasure, meaning that the person loses the ability to enjoy activities that were previously fun and interesting.
Expression of guilt, shame or worthlessness: The societal expectations of what it means to be a “good mother” may increase self-consciousness and lower a mother’s self-esteem. It’s important to support a mother who starts mentioning such worries and expresses feelings of self-blame regarding her ability to care for the child.
Changes in appetite and sleeping patterns: Physical and mental well-being are two faces of the same coin. Changes in appetite (overeating or not eating) and changes in sleeping patterns (inability to sleep or feel well-rested) are physical warning signs that could allude to mental strain.
Feelings of anger: We empathize with mothers who express sadness, anxiety or self-blame. However, we tend to be frustrated with mothers who express their psychological pain through anger. Intense feelings of anger and frustration are a tip of an iceberg, with feelings of overwhelmness, anxiety, disappointment and fear hidden underneath the surface.
Embrace her with warmth.
Many people talk about the warmth of a mother’s embrace. If we want to imagine a safe space, we have to imagine what it would feel like to emotionally experience this warmth. It is a space where one feels safe to be vulnerable and honest. It is a space of trust, compassion and support. Many mothers strain under the weight of maternal unpredictability and responsibilities. Many of them may grief the loss of autonomy, support and personal privacy, hindering them from genuinely enjoying the new experiences of motherhood. Not only does providing a safe space for these mothers strengthen connections and bonds, but it also offers them a needed sense of empathy and solidarity.
With these five tricks, let’s discover how a supportive conversation can turn into a trusted safe space:
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During pregnancy, a woman is one with her baby. Their support is intertwined. Caring for the mother is caring for the baby, and vice versa. After birth, family and friends are filled with warmth and welcome for the new addition, but forget to divide this care and share it with the new mother. To create a safe space for maternal mental well-being, giving them the attention they need is important since it communicates the prioritization of mothers and their needs. It also fosters feelings of acknowledgment and trust, allowing mothers to express themselves without the fear of being judged or feeling burdensome.
“I must be going crazy.”
Motherhood is a journey that is understood when experienced. It’s unpredictable, chaotic and, sometimes, messy. Yet, when mothers look around, and compare their experiences with others, self-doubt and anxiety start to grow. A safe space for mothers involves validating these emotions. Even if it is “expected” to feel such heavy emotions, it does not remove away from its pain and intensity. So, hold that mother’s hand and tell her, “It must be difficult to feel so overwhelmed that you think you’re going crazy. I’m here to listen to you.”
“Normalize” is a tricky word, isn’t it? A moment ago, we were exploring how to move beyond the narrative of predicted distress, but now I’m mentioning the word normalize. Let me give you the keywords here: non-judgemental normalization. When every maternity journey is different from the other, even predictable feelings and emotions may feel alienating. Adding to that, societal expectations of a mother’s resiliency and nurture may put overwhelming pressures to disregard pain for the sake of the children. Normalizing this struggle is simply recognizing that this pain exists, and that this weight can affect one’s functionality in many different aspects of life.
One of the most important pillars in creating a safe space for mothers is learning, understanding and respecting their boundaries. These boundaries can be as explicit as “I do not want visitors when I am overwhelmed,” and they could be more implicit, such as “I don’t think I’m comfortable talking about that.” Respecting boundaries is essential for building trust as it gives the message that a mother’s needs and preferences are important and validated. It demonstrates empathy and mutual respect which lays the foundation for meaningful open communication.
Staying informed about maternal well-being is a proactive step to nurture safe environments. Educating oneself about the unique challenges and experiences that mothers go through is a key factor for increasing empathy and honesty in supportive conversations. Having a holistic perspective and education about motherhood decreases stigma on maternal mental health and encourages openness and acceptance.
A circle of allies!
With their boundless love and limitless resilience, mothers are the unsung heroes of humanity. Beware, however, for every hero is tested through battles and challenges. It is us, the circle of allies, that can provide encouragement, assistance, and solidarity in their endeavors. By being on the lookout for warning signs of distress and creating a space of trust and empathy, we can ensure that no mother feels alone in her journey. Together, let us honor their sacrifices, celebrate their victories, and uplift their spirits.