Empowering Leadership Starts From "Don't Be a Little B*tch"

It may sound blunt, but empowering others—whether as a leader, parent, or mentor—often starts with this tough-love mindset. The phrase "Don't be a little b*tch", popularized by Grant Cardone, is a stark reminder that real growth doesn't come from sympathy or hand-holding, but from encouraging people to face their problems head-on. It’s about breaking free from a culture of self-pity and victimhood, replacing it with responsibility, resilience, and self-reliance.

Sympathy vs. Empowerment

Sympathy, by definition, is "feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune." When we sympathize, we’re essentially telling someone, “You’re in a bad situation, and I feel sorry for you.” While this can feel like the right response, it often does more harm than good. Sympathy fosters dependence, making the person feel incapable of handling their own problems. When leaders or parents swoop in to fix everything, they unintentionally communicate, “You can’t do this on your own.”

Empowerment, on the other hand, means to "give someone the authority or power to do something." Empowering others isn’t about being harsh or unkind—it’s about giving them the tools, confidence, and encouragement to solve their own problems. Instead of feeling sorry for someone, you help them recognize their own strength. This is the key to real growth, both in the workplace and at home.

The Problem with Sympathy: Fostering Weakness

When people are constantly met with sympathy, they can start to adopt a mindset of helplessness. This creates a cycle where they avoid responsibility and seek validation in their struggles rather than working to overcome them. Sympathy tells them, “It’s okay to stay stuck,” which ultimately prevents progress. Over time, individuals may begin to feel entitled to help, expecting others to solve their problems for them.

In leadership, this can result in employees who are incapable of independent problem-solving. In parenting, it leads to children who lack the resilience to navigate life’s inevitable challenges. Sympathy, while seemingly kind, perpetuates weakness.

Empowering Through Tough Love

Empowerment, by contrast, pushes people to own their problems. When a leader or parent says, “What do you plan to do about it?” instead of stepping in to fix the issue, they force the individual to think critically and take responsibility. This isn’t about being cruel or unsupportive; it’s about helping them build the confidence and ability to stand on their own.

At the core of empowerment is the belief that people are capable of much more than they realize. By not allowing someone to act like a “little b*tch” (meaning playing the victim or giving in to self-pity), you show them that they are stronger than they think. This tough-love approach strengthens character, builds problem-solving skills, and creates a mindset of resilience.

The Temptation to Fix Everything

Leaders and parents often fall into the trap of solving problems for others because it feels like the compassionate thing to do. In the short term, it’s easier to step in and take control. But this approach is ultimately short-sighted. Each time you solve a problem for someone else, you strip them of the opportunity to learn and grow from it.

The challenge is to resist this temptation, even when faced with long communication lag, silence, rebuttal or complaints. Instead of swooping in, ask questions that encourage independent thinking. Questions like “What’s your plan?” or “How do you intend to fix this?” shift the responsibility back onto the individual and promote growth. And then follow up with, “Well, is that a solution?” "Will it work?” “Tell me or show me how it would work.”

Self-Pity: The True Enemy of Empowerment

One of the biggest barriers to empowerment is self-pity. Self-pity is addictive because it provides an easy out: “I’m a victim of my circumstances, so I don’t need to take responsibility.” It allows people to avoid confronting challenges and remain stuck in a cycle of inaction. The truth is, self-pity is the real enemy of empowerment. It keeps individuals from ever reaching their full potential.

Sympathy only feeds this addiction. By constantly rescuing someone from their problems, you reinforce the belief that they can’t handle life’s challenges on their own. The result is a person who becomes dependent, helpless, and unwilling to take control of their situation.

Fostering Responsibility and Growth

Empowerment starts with setting clear boundaries and expectations. Leaders and parents must be willing to push people out of their comfort zones and challenge them to step up. This doesn’t mean abandoning them, but rather giving them the support and tools to figure things out for themselves. The result is a culture of responsibility and accountability, where people aren’t afraid to face difficulties because they know they can handle it.

This tough-love approach not only helps individuals grow but also strengthens teams and families. When people are empowered, they contribute more effectively, think more critically, and handle challenges with confidence.

Conclusion: Stop the Sympathy, Start the Empowerment

Real empowerment starts when we stop indulging in sympathy and start encouraging responsibility. It may not be easy, and it may not always feel compassionate, but it’s the only way to truly help people grow. By refusing to let someone be a “little b*tch,” you’re helping them realize their own strength.

So the next time someone comes to you with a problem, resist the urge to solve it for them. Instead, ask, “What do you plan to do about it?” and watch them rise to the challenge. Empowerment creates stronger, more capable individuals—and that’s the ultimate act of leadership.