In coaching, the greatest impact comes from focusing on who the client truly is—understanding their core beliefs, values, and emotional drivers—rather than just addressing what they do. This aligns with the International Coach Federation (ICF) competencies, which emphasize client-centered coaching and the importance of understanding the whole person. It’s not just about the actions clients take, but about connecting with who they are at their core. By looking beyond stories or technical details, we create a space where clients can reconnect with their authentic selves, unlocking transformative insights rooted in their deepest beliefs and values. Here’s how to approach coaching with a focus on the WHO of the client, grounded in ICF competencies:
1. Partner with the Client in a Safe, Supportive Space
Focusing on who the client truly is starts with creating an environment where they feel comfortable and secure. When clients trust that they won’t be judged, they’re more likely to reveal their authentic selves. This sense of safety is foundational to uncovering the deeper beliefs, values, and emotions that shape who they are. Here’s how to build that safe space:
- Start with Empathy and Active Listening: Genuine interest in the client’s experiences and emotions is at the heart of effective coaching. By listening with curiosity to learn about the client—without interrupting or making assumptions—we create a space where they feel truly valued and heard from the very beginning. This natural openness encourages clients to share more freely, setting the foundation for a trusting and impactful coaching relationship.
- Use Open, Non-Judgmental Language: Choose words that invite openness by avoiding terms like “should” or “must,” which can come across as judgmental. Instead, use supportive phrases like “I hear you” or “Tell me more about that.” This approach helps clients feel safe to share freely, without fear of being judged.
- Respect Their Pace: Allow clients to open up gradually. Trust-building takes time, and going at their comfort level shows respect for their boundaries, helping them feel safe in the process.
- Acknowledge Their Experiences and Emotions: Simple affirmations, such as “It sounds like this has been challenging for you,” let clients know they’re understood. Feeling acknowledged helps clients feel more secure, encouraging them to open up further.
- Maintain Confidentiality: Reinforce that their thoughts and feelings are private, fostering a sense of security that allows for honest sharing.
- Be Consistent and Reliable: Show up on time, follow through on commitments, and be fully present. This consistency reassures clients they can depend on you, which strengthens trust and deepens the connection.
2. Honor the Client’s Whole Self
Each client is a blend of beliefs, values, experiences, talents, and perspectives. To truly connect with who they are, acknowledge that client is already whole and resourceful, even if they reveal only parts of themselves at first. By building trust, we can create a space that invites clients to gradually reveal their deeper, authentic selves. Here’s how to foster that connection:
- Show Patience and Curiosity: Allow clients to open up at their own pace. By giving them space and showing genuine curiosity, they feel safe to gradually share deeper parts of themselves.
- Acknowledge Small Revelations: Recognize and validate even small insights or personal details they offer. For instance, if they share something meaningful, respond with, “That sounds really important to you.” This helps clients feel seen and valued, encouraging them to go deeper.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions to explore themselves: Invite clients to explore more of their identity with questions like, “What matters most to you right now?” or “How do you feel about this experience?” These open-ended prompts allow them to share layers of their beliefs, values, and perspectives.
- Listen Without imposing an Agenda: Allow clients to guide the flow of the conversation within the context of the coaching objectives. While it’s important to stay focused on the client-designed topics and desired outcomes, giving clients the freedom to express themselves ensures they feel in control of the process. This approach encourages openness, allowing them to share more freely and authentically.
- Reflect on Key Themes Over Time: Revisit values or themes they’ve shared in previous sessions to reinforce understanding and trust. This lets clients know they are seen and understood, encouraging them to share even more deeply.
3. Appreciate the Client’s Layers and Unique Style
A client’s full identity is rarely revealed in just one or two sessions. To understand who they are, we must take the time to appreciate the unique layers they bring—their experiences, strengths, perspectives, and personal style. Each client has their way of processing and sharing, and discovering their true self requires patience and sensitivity. Here’s how to uncover and honor these unique layers:
- Observe and Adapt to Their Communication Style: Notice whether a client is more reflective, action-oriented, or expressive, and adapt your approach accordingly. Adapting the coaching conversation to align with their natural style fosters trust and encourages them to share more deeply, creating a more effective and supportive environment.
- Encourage Reflection on Personal Insights: Allow clients the space to reflect on their own experiences. Asking open-ended questions like, “What does this mean to you?” or “How does this fit with what you value?” can help reveal their authentic self.
- Acknowledge Subtle Shifts Over Time: Recognize small changes in the way they communicate or express themselves as the relationship develops. This attentiveness signals respect for their pace and comfort.
- Revisit Key Themes as Trust Grows: As clients share more, partner with them to reflect on themes or values they’ve mentioned before. This builds continuity and helps them connect the layers of their story, allowing deeper parts of themselves to emerge.
- Support Self-Discovery Gradually: Rather than rushing for full openness, create an environment that supports gradual self-discovery. This patient approach shows clients that you honor their unique journey and are there to understand them fully.
4. Ask Insightful Questions to Deepen Self-Awareness
To truly understand who the client is, ask questions that help them explore their core beliefs, values, and emotional drivers. These questions should invite deep reflection, guiding clients to uncover what’s truly motivating them beneath the surface. Here are some questions that can lead to meaningful insights:
- Explore Beliefs: “What belief might be shaping your perspective here?” or “Is there a long-held belief that might be influencing your actions?”
- Reveal Core Values: “Which values feel most important in this situation?” or “Is there a value you feel is being challenged?”
- Identify Emotional Patterns: “What emotions do you notice recurring in this context?” or “Are there certain feelings that seem to drive your decisions?”
- Limiting belief: “How might this belief be holding you back from reaching your goals?”
5. Observe Subtle Shifts for Deeper Understanding
To truly connect with who the client is, pay attention to non-verbal cues that often reveal more than words alone. Subtle shifts in tone, body language, or pauses can indicate deeper emotions or thoughts. Here’s how to effectively respond to these cues and encourage clients to share more of their authentic self:
- Pause and Reflect: When you notice a hesitation or change in tone, pause briefly. This moment of stillness shows the client that you’re fully present and gives them space to expand on what they’re feeling.
- Gently Inquire About the Change: Use a soft, open question to invite the client to explore their reaction. You might say, “I noticed you paused—what’s on your mind?” or “I sensed a shift in your tone just now; would you like to talk about it?” This approach respects their pace and encourages self-reflection.
- Name Observations Without Judgment: Reflect back what you observe in a neutral way. For example, “I noticed your expression changed as you mentioned that,” or “I sense some hesitation; does this feel challenging to discuss?” Naming observations without labeling them helps clients feel seen without feeling evaluated.
- Encourage Reflection on Feelings: If you notice a change in body language, such as crossing arms or leaning back, gently explore this. You might say, “I noticed your posture shifted; does this bring up any particular feelings?” This invites clients to connect more closely with their inner experience, helping them share deeper emotions.
- Stay Present and Patient: Non-verbal cues can unfold gradually, so maintain patience and presence. If a client shows subtle discomfort, give them time and avoid rushing forward. Silence and attentive presence can encourage clients to bring forward insights at their own pace.
6. Reflect Observations Thoughtfully to Encourage Self-Discovery
Thoughtful reflection in coaching goes beyond echoing words; it’s about holding up a mirror so clients can see their shifts, reactions, and emotions more clearly. Here’s how to reflect observations with care, intuition, and curiosity to bring the client’s authentic self to light:
- Identify Shifts with Neutral Language: Describe observations in a natural, non-judgmental way. Instead of saying, “You seem upset,” try, “I noticed a softness in your tone when we touched on that—what’s coming up for you?” This gentle reflection encourages clients to explore their reactions without feeling labeled.
- Trust Your Intuition and Use Open-Ended Questions: When intuition picks up on subtle shifts, follow up with open-ended questions like, “I noticed you took a pause there—what’s on your mind?” or “You leaned forward as we discussed that; is there something important here for you?” These prompts invite clients to explore their own inner reactions more deeply.
- Acknowledge Emotions Without Assumptions: If you notice a shift in mood or body language, acknowledge it without assuming meaning. For example, “I sensed some intensity in your voice; would you like to share more about that?” This approach shows you’re attuned to their feelings while giving them space to define their emotions in their own words.
- Stay Curious, Not Solution-Oriented: Reflecting is about fostering self-awareness, not providing answers. If a client seems uncertain or emotional, you could say, “It feels like this is important to you. How does it feel to talk about it?” Maintaining a curious tone lets clients explore insights without feeling pressured to act immediately.
- Support Exploration of Patterns Over Time: If certain behaviors or reactions appear consistently, gently reflect these patterns back. For instance, “I’ve noticed you often pause when we discuss about your relationships. Is there something specific about this area that feels challenging?” Recognizing patterns can help clients uncover deeper beliefs or emotions that shape their sense of self.
Conclusion: Focusing on the WHO of the Client for Lasting Transformation
By focusing on the WHO of the client, we create a coaching experience that honors their complete self, builds trust, and facilitates real growth, uncovering potential in alignment with ICF competencies. Embracing the client’s full identity, building a safe space, and practicing empathy turns coaching into a journey of self-discovery and lasting transformation.
When we coach from a place of genuine curiosity about who the client is, beyond their actions, we unlock the potential for meaningful change that reflects their core self. This ICF-driven approach fosters a coaching relationship that goes beyond techniques and tasks, creating an environment where clients can gain insights, make impactful decisions, and move forward with clarity and confidence.
