Empowered or Enabled: Are You Training Your Employees to Be Accountable or Entitled?

Let’s face it, we live in a culture of perceived entitlement these days. It seems like less and less leaders are taking real accountability, and that more and more people seem to think it’s all about them.?

And, it’s not just the leaders of big businesses or elected officials in our government, the sense of entitlement seems to be a collective energy.?

Whether with the organizations I work with, at the grocery story, or driving on the roads, it seems we’ve shifted into a prevalent “what’s in it for me” and “me first” mindset versus a “how may I serve?” mentality.?

For example, I hear so many leaders complain about the younger generations, and how their people seem to be so entitled. They complain about how employees are no longer loyal or that they are quietly quitting.

This leads me to wonder: Is there a bigger issue going on? Is this discovery a function of their upbringing or a function of the company’s culture.?

Maybe it’s both.?

For the sake of this discussion, I’m going to focus on culture.?

There are trends I am seeing that are unsettling, to say the least, that I feel are lending to a bigger issue and root cause of what’s really going on. And, I also think it’s a wake up call for many organizations to reassess just how they are creating their cultures?… for, it’s not what they think.?

Culture is a reflection of an organization’s mission, vision, and core values. It’s a function of belief put into action. Regardless of what leaders say they value, culture is the demonstration and execution of the beliefs, ideals, expectations, pillars, and level of commitment put into real action and carried out by the organizations’ people, top down to bottom up.?

It’s where the rubber meets the road.?

And, for many organizations, the culture they profess is not the same culture actually evident and present within their company. Many leaders are most definitely not walking their talk.?

I’ve seen and heard far too many organizations spout that their culture is this or that, only to engage with their teams closely to find out that what they preach is not anything close to the reality of what’s going on.?

In digging deeper into the nuances of these cultures, I find the culture often is one that appears to be one thing on a surface level, only to be something much different when you actually peel back the layers.?

I often see an massive imbalanced power equation inside many of these organizations, with a lot of “yes” people, a lack of emotional intelligence, a myriad of sacred cows, and far too much micromanaging.?

As a result, I experience cultures devoid of a sense of psychological safety where employees feel safe to truly be seen, heard, valued and respected.?

When assessing various organizational cultures, I see common themes that are becoming prevalent. I have broken these down into five categories:

#1: Sympathy vs.?Empathy

One of the fundamental misses in most organizations is understanding the difference between sympathy and empathy. There is a huge distinction that most leaders lose sight of or forget to acknowledge.?

Sympathy is a feeling of pity or sorrow on the behalf of another. It keeps us removed as a bystander, holding a sense of relief that whatever the situation is we are not the ones faced with that plight.?

Empathy, on the other hand, is the ability to feel with someone, and to offer compassion and fuel deeper connection. It’s the acknowledgement of someone’s feelings, with understanding.?

Sympathy often prompts a path of enablement, as it tends to excuse repeat behavior and allows room for excuses in the workplace. It’s tends to be a space where we avoid conflict, and want to make everything flow smoothly again. Instead of addressing issues directly, we often jump to the rescue trying to fix others when in that energy of sympathy.?

Whereas, empathy is an energy driven by accountability. It says: “I can feel with you and still hold you accountable, at the same time, to the task or expectation.” Because when you come from a place of compassion, you seek to understand. You lean in and listen. You look for ways to support, but not fix or rescue. You offer new solutions to guide people forward.?

Too many cultures are living in an energy of sympathy and enablement. We avoid real conflict and the hard conversations. Empathy, however, lets us lean in. Sympathy often has people feeling as if they are a victim, who then are not really seen or heard. Empathy creates a shared experience, and fosters deeper peer accountability and teamwork.?

With empathy, leaders can discern when to provide understanding and space for people to grieve or process emotions, and when to reset and hold them accountable to re-engaging with their work. It fosters an environment to take personal responsibility.?

When leaders practice empathy, they are more likely to lean in and lift those around them, thus creating greater trust and space for teamwork and collaboration. Rather than simply fixing or taking over, they work with their peers and colleagues to accomplish the work. It plays into the notion that “a rising tide lifts all boats.” People lean in and work together.?

Simply put, sympathy is lip service and separates. Empathy is action and unifies. Sympathy elicits isolation. Empathy fosters connection.

?

#2: Obligation vs. Opportunity

So many people operate in the energy of obligation. They tell themselves things such as they “have to, need to, should, or got to” when it comes to the work they engage in or how they view their life.?

Everything is a heavy, dense obligation that feels as you have no control over your life or circumstances. That you have no choice. You are simply abiding by the rules, expectations, conditioning, and programming of how you are expected to function, operate, and show up in the world.?

What we miss inside of this is our own sovereignty.

For we all have agency of choice. Aside from being born and dying, there is nothing you “have to” do in this life. Everything, including eating, drinking water, and paying taxes, is a choice. Anything that has a consequence or outcome based on a decision we make is ultimately a choice.?

Now, we have been taught to believe that many of our daily life decisions are out of our control. That is truly not the case. You are making decisions, usually unconsciously, based on programming that keeps you thinking and believing you don’t have the power to choose what you decide.

When you recognize that you do have agency of choice, you then begin to see that everything is opportunity. An opportunity to say “yes” when something feels right and aligned for you, and the opportunity to say “no” when it doesn’t. The point is, you “get to” decide.?

Obligation is a function of handing your power over for others to decide for you. Whereas, living from a mindset of opportunity, you reclaim your personal power and take responsibility for the choices you make.?

Opportunity affords you space to tap in to the infinite realm of possibilities and potential. It’s lets you stand in your power. And, it is a deliberate practice of gratitude that raises both your vibration and consciousness.?

When we recognize that everything is an opportunity, a choice, we give ourselves room to lead ourselves first, thus being able to inspire, influence, and lead others for more meaningful impact, as well.?

?

#3: I Can’t vs. How Can?I

This is a big driver in a culture of entitlement. I hear this so often, “I can’t do that” or “that’s not my job.”?

Being part of a team means we need to lean in and support each other.?

I’m not implying there aren’t times where you truly are unable to do something, or you are ill-equipped to take on a specific task. However, there is a different way to approach those incidences versus simply rebutting the request with a blatant, “I can’t.”

The energy of “I can’t” suggests that we are either unwilling, incapable, and usually not a team player.?

Instead, when we pause to ask, “How can I?” we create a richer and more connected dynamic between us and our colleagues or team. We stop to ask the meaningful questions, as a result. We seek clarity and to better understand the issues or dilemma. We lean in and look for ways to create better solutions. We choose to connect and collaborate.?

Cultures driven by a “how can I” or “how can we” mindset are the cultures that develop deeper levels of trust. These are the teams that feel they truly have each others’ backs. They rise to occasion rather than shrink. They bring out the best in each other and challenge each other for more.?

High-performing teams and cultures are the ones they look for solutions and who look to accomplish the impossible by leaning in together.?

?

#4: Micromanaging vs. Autonomy

Oooh, this is a big one. Bluntly, let me say, “stop micromanaging your people.” It’s honestly that simple. When you trust that you have hired grown-ass adults who are competent to their job, stop telling them how.

If you are hiring the right who’s, you shouldn’t need to micromanage their every move. Instead, you should give them the autonomy, freedom, and space to their job?… and, to figure out the how.?

The amount of micromanaging going on in almost every organization is laughable. And, highly disturbing. We treat employees as if they are 2-year old children who need to be both spoon-fed and hand-held.?

Which considering, most kids at that age start to fed themselves and take risks to test out their own limits and abilities. We often give our children more autnomy than we do our own team members and employees.?

When you micromanage, it speaks more about your leadership than the people you hired. It illuminates and highlights your insecurities as a leader. It exposes where imposter syndrome is taking you down.?

I hear far too many leaders state that their people need to earn their trust. This is backward thinking. You, as a leader, need to demonstrate trust first.?

You need to show that you trust the people you hired to do the work you hired them for. By offering them space to learn, stretch, fail, falter, and grow, you give them a sense of purpose and ownership.?

Everyone has learning curves. The biggest way I see organizations create cultures of entitlement is when people are stripped of their ability to take risks and be held accountable. It’s why so many companies have sacred cows (you know, those individuals who violate aspects of your values, or who truly don’t fit the culture, that you continue to make excuses for or justify their behaviors for one reason or another).

Micromanaging people screams that you don’t trust them, or yourself as a leader. It is the root of many toxic cultures. In fact, to take that a step further, “leading from fear” is not a real thing.?

Leadership, real leadership, comes from a place of love. It stems from a place of trust, compassion, empathy, and accountability. Anything else is not really leadership. It is a fear-driven, scarcity mindset, at best.?

For, micromanaging is not leadership. It’s an unhealthy power play.?

?

#5: Yeah, But vs. Yes,?And

We shut down conversations before they really have room to start. Our listening skills, as a collective society, are highly lacking. Most people listen to respond, usually in order to inject their own agenda or need to be right.?

Real listening builds bridges.?

It is a means to create deeper understanding and access greater clarity.?

Listening is the pathway for connection.?

However, we live in a culture that lives and dies by the mighty “yeah, but.” We have this huge “but” that constantly gets in our way and shuts down any hope of meaningful connection and opportunities for real conversations.?

For when we inject the mighty “yeah, but” (even if it’s just something we are thinking), we shut any chance of meaningful conversation and connection down. We negate the other person in doing so.?

“Yeah, but” implies “I heard you and I’m not really listening. I am more concerned about what I want to say and making sure I am heard. I only care that I am right, you are wrong, and that we can move beyond this quickly as I have other things to do.”

It is the fastest way to shut someone down, and to close the conversation.?

Of course, this is one of the biggest drivers and feeders of the entitlement that is birthed and continues to grow within your culture, as well.?

When you choose the language of “yes, and” versus that of “yeah, but” you establish a conduit, or bridge, to open up the conversation.?

You invite in healthy conflict and debate. By saying, “yes, and” you offer a space that invites someone in as a way to learn from them, seek deeper understanding, and listen beyond just their words.?

You drop your agenda, as a result.

Instead, you seek to find better solutions and resolution to issues. You offer compassion, and when you disagree, you lean in further rather than try to simply shut someone else down. You extend space for vulnerability, expansion, transparency, compassion, and grace.?

Trust is built on our ability to build bridges.?

Through our demonstration and willingness to listen, really listen, we lose our egos and need to be right along the way. We seek to understand first.?

?

If you truly want to create a culture where people feel empowered, you must first take stock of the truth you may not be so readily willing to face. If you sense your culture has an air of entitlement, you must be willing to look in the mirror first. Are you walking your own talk?

Empowerment is an intrinsic choice we all have agency to make.?

It’s not something you can do for anyone else. You can create environments that feel open, expansive, and safe for people. You also can demonstrate your own ability to be vulnerable and stand in a more deliberate space of leadership. You set the tone for what your culture becomes.?

When people feel they will be supported in bringing the fullness of who they are into the workplace, or into their culture, they then will choose to tap into their own empowerment, too.

Empowered people lean in.?

They lead by example, and seek to raise others in their leadership, as well. They are team players, who seek to be part of something bigger than themselves, and to know that the work they do in valuable and impactful.?

When your people feel empowered, your culture then becomes one of high trust, high performance, and high accountability.?

Leadership is ultimately a choice. It’s everyone’s opportunity, and a team sport. It starts at the top. And, it starts with you.?

Be sure to get your copy of my FREE resource guide:?

How to Be a More Effective Leader