Empathy's Many Faces: Not Just a Smile

As I gear up for my TED Talk at Morehouse College on March 22, titled "What a Pimp Taught Me About Empathy," a friend recently told me I "do not sound like empathy," suggesting I should smile more while speaking. This advice, while humorous in its simplicity, shines a light on the deeper societal expectations placed on women to constantly appear warm and approachable—essentially, to always be seen with a smile.

This observation isn't just about me or my upcoming talk. It taps into a broader conversation about how empathy is perceived and the subtle pressures women face to conform to certain emotional expressions. The comment made me chuckle, not because the advice wasn't valuable, but because it highlighted the amusing irony of such expectations. After all, Brad, the empathetic pimp I discuss, and Chris Voss, the renowned hostage negotiator who coined "tactical empathy," probably don't spend much time worrying about smiling during their negotiations. Yet, they are demonstratively masters of empathy in their respective fields.

Empathy, as I've learned, wears many faces. Sometimes it's a listening ear, other times it's a supportive silence, and yes, sometimes it even comes with a smile. But to confine empathy to a single expression—especially a smile—is to overlook its depth and complexity. My TED Talk aims to explore this multifaceted nature of empathy, from the streets to the negotiation table, showing that understanding and connecting with others goes far beyond facial expressions.

So, while I appreciate my friend's feedback and will indeed aim to smile more (because, let's face it, it was probably good advice), my talk will underscore the importance of recognizing empathy in all its forms. We should challenge ourselves to delve beyond the surface and appreciate the diverse ways empathy can manifest, even when it doesn't fit the traditional mold of a beaming smile.

And yes, in the spirit of addressing and laughing at the double standard, I promise to flash a few smiles during my talk at Morehouse College. After all, if there's one thing empathy and humor share, it's their ability to connect us on a human level, smiles or no smiles. Let me know if you think you'll watch a TEDMorehouse talk titled "What a Pimp Taught Me About Empathy" because the title alone would move me.