Empathy vs Kindness, are they the same?

Amid huge amount of stress laid on Empathy at Work, it is easy for many of us to slip into the common mistake of replacing Empathy with Kindness.

While kindness is one of the sub-components of empathy, it is not same as Empathy. If used interchangeably, this may lead to crash of excellence culture in any organization or department.

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I go back to the simplest of definitions for Empathy that I came across:

“An ability to step into the shoes of another person, aiming to understand their feelings and perspectives, and to use that understanding to guide our actions.”

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Frequently in my professional experience, I've observed a tendency to diminish the significance of empathy to mere acts of short-term kindness. This tendency becomes more pronounced in challenging discussions or evaluations. For instance, during performance reviews, when a manager is addressing the underperformance of a team member who has excelled in the past, there's a tendency to assign a high rating based on historical achievements. This might be done to please the individual, prevent them from losing incentives, or avoid the discomfort of discussing their current low performance.

Similarly, in crucial conversations with business partners of limited value, whose actions have negatively impacted our interests, there's a risk of accepting terms that might be tolerable in the short term. However, such concessions could establish a lower benchmark for performance in the future.

It is human tendency to run away from situations of conflict. However, in such situations, kindness isn’t the best approach. Future cost of short-term kindness can be very high, and it can slip the entire team or business into low levels of performance and motivation.

Kindness isn’t the best approach. Especially in high-stakes conversations or when your courageous feedback could literally change someone’s perspective – often about themselves…..Guy Kawasaki

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In such scenarios, it is crucial to stay true to oneself and prioritize the interests of one's organization. This aligns with the qualities of a leader with Empathy who, while acknowledging and understanding the situation and thought process of the other party, doesn't necessarily have to agree with them. Instead, the leader guides the discussion towards a conclusion that is mutually beneficial.

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True empathy stands out as a pivotal behavioral trait that should permeate all aspects of our professional and personal lives. It is the harmonious blend of a discerning mind and a compassionate heart that builds happy & successful work environments.