Empathy – The Secret Ingredient to Leadership Effectiveness

November 29th, 2022

There have been many discussions and literatures on the subject of empathy in recent times.?It is becoming increasingly important to demonstrate a good degree of empathy in leading today’s workforce and engagements with people. ?There is hardly a training in the Equity Diversity and Inclusion (EDI) space and on Inclusive Leadership training where empathy does not feature as a core pillar. ?Leaders who demonstrate a higher degree of empathy are proving to be more effective in motivating their followers for action and change. ?In today’s short article I will share with you why empathy is so important to have and a few basic tips on how to demonstrate it better.

Oxford Languages defines empathy as, “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”?A question I am often asked by people is whether empathy is hereditary and a trait exhibited only by a gifted few, or is it a skill that can be learned and mastered? ?While there is some evidence that there is a genetic predisposition with people who empathize naturally and that it is embedded into their personalities, it is also a skill that can be learnt and sharpened. It simply requires awareness, focus and genuine intent. ?The vast majority of people in this world have the ability to empathize with others, baring narcissist or sociopaths, who are generally unable to understand or relate to other people’s emotions and feelings. ?

When we talk about leadership and influence, and your ability to get others to move towards achieving a certain goal, or even if you are pitching a product or a service to a group of investors or decision makers, there are usually two key components to executing such an objective: Logic and Emotion.?Logic is what so many of us are used to, whereby we use intellect and analytics to make logical arguments for where we want to go or what we are selling. This can also be referred to as the “pull” side of the equation. It is about galvanizing followship based on a rational argument and facts. However, what is often forgotten is the emotional side of the formula, which we often do not think is that important. It is the part that appeals to the heart of the audience, and it is absolutely essential to the theme of motivating others towards action.?It is the so called “push” side of this equation; and one’s ability to empathize effectively is central to this process.

I would also like to briefly touch upon the subject of trust. ?We all know that establishing trust is essential in leadership, in business, and in relationships.?Although trust is often given at the outset of a relationship or a business deal based on reputation or a so called “gut feel,” real and deeper trust is something that can only be earned over time.?Out of the four key components of trust – competence, reliability, sincerity, and care – it is the last one, care, that is the most powerful. Care includes empathy and that notion that you have the best interest of your audience at heart.?It is usually competence, reliability and sincerity that keep you in the circle of trust but is it care and empathy that get you into the circle in the first place.?

So, if you are not that naturally warm empathetic leader, who has queues of people at his/her door for one-on-one discussions, what are a few simple ways to improve your empathy??

1.?Smile: There is a saying that my father and mother used to say to me while growing up, smile at the world and the world will smile back at you. This actually has deeper meaning than I first thought. ?Smiling is contagious and releasees feel good chemicals in the brain, and generally puts those in front of you at ease. ?

2.??Listen: Listen deeply, not only to what is being said, but to the emotions and feelings expressed behind the words. Avoid distractions like looking at your phone or watch and clear your mind to only focus on the individual(s) in front of you. Avoid using listening time to formulate your response and next question.

3.??Suspend Judgment: Try to fully absorb what is being said in an objective way as possible. Particularly with people whose views and beliefs are different from your own. Say things like, “that is very interesting, can you please explain more.”

4.??Give Appreciation: Recognizing someone’s achievements or actions, no matter how small, is a wonderful way to create warmth and motivation. Like smiling, this tends to have a ripple effect, and will build a connection with the praise giver, you. ???

Most importantly, the above suggestions must be done with sincerity and authenticity. If those are lacking, it’s a non-starter from the onset.

I would like to close with a Harvard Business Review article, Connect, Then Lead, which was published almost ten years ago by Amy J.C. Cuddy, Matthew Kohut, and John Neffinger. ?The piece focuses on the key question on whether it is better to be feared or loved, and they argue that the best way to gain influence is to combine both strength and warmth. ?Their research suggests that the two most important traits for leaders are competence (strength) and empathy (warmth), but the order matters. Empathy comes first, and trumps competence. ?“Before people decide what they think of your message, they decide what they think of?YOU.”

-- Assaf AlQuraishi