Empathy in Relationships

 I wanted to write a bit today on relationships, and how important they are to enrich our lives. And while relationships are important and great to have its no big secret that they can be difficult to cultivate and maintain for the long term. With social media making the world a smaller place it’s easy to connect with new people, but ultimately, we need and often crave the interpersonal intimacy that strong relationships can provide. Without relationships in our lives we are left alone to our own devices, with no one to share our struggles and successes with. Loneliness is one of the primary factors in mental and emotional deterioration, and while there is solace to be found in solitude, truly we are wired for community, to be surrounded by people who love, support, encourage and inspire us.   

In today’s world of short attention spans, toxic has become a buzz word in the last few years as a way to describe relationships that have soured for whatever reason. And while it’s an unfortunate circumstance and sometimes a needed choice to make in order to protect ourselves from physical and emotional harm, I’m not here to talk about severing yourselves from toxic relationships but rather what we can do to prevent relationships from becoming toxic in the first place. 

In my 45 years people have moved in and out of my life, and I’ve moved in and out of other peoples’ lives. As these relationships have risen and ebbed much like the tides, some have remained even at a distance and others have wistfully vanished, but they’ve all left their impressions. What I have found as the most important trait in maintaining and cultivating strong, deep relationships is open and honest communication that is centered around putting the other person first. 

When we approach relationships putting ourselves first, our own wants and needs above the other’s, we will eventually fail at developing trust and intimacy within the relationship, which can ultimately lead to the erosion of the relationship altogether. When we demand someone listen to us, instead of coming first from a place of softness and openness, we create a firewall in the relationship that hardens hearts, shuts down vulnerability, dissolves trust, and further distances two people from one another.  

But if we take a soft approach, thinking first of the other person and what they may be going through, we instead cultivate trust and strengthen the relationship. In 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey instructed us to seek first to understand before being understood. In other words, if we truly care about the other person in the relationship, we must take time to listen to them, and understand why they feel the way they do, before demanding we be heard. And that often requires us to ask questions about their feelings, their wants, needs, and fears as well as their struggles and successes. When we take time to truly listen with an open heart and mind, we provide a safe space where the other person can open their heart and allow themselves to be vulnerable. This allows for empathy on the listener’s part and creates an opportunity for the relationship to grow where both people gain a better understanding and deeper appreciation of one another, ultimately building a stronger connection and richer relationship for the long term. And the more often we practice this, the easier it gets in each, and every relationship we encounter. 

So today I encourage you, that if you have someone in your life whom you value your relationship with, to reach out to them with an open mind and a soft heart. Ask them how they’re feeling, seek to understand what they’re going through, and listen to them empathetically, letting them know that you truly care about them, cherish them, and appreciate your moments in time together.   

Thank you kindly for reading; I know your time is valuable to you and I truly appreciate you giving me your time today. If you enjoyed this short article, and feel other people would enjoy it as well, finding value within it, please like it and share it so others may have the opportunity to read these words and learn to develop richer, deeper relationships in their lives. 

Thank you again, and please remember to always listen with a fully open heart.