The empathy of opt-out: Supporting grief through marketing

For the third time this week, I got an email from a brand I like asking me if I wanted to opt out of their communications. Now granted, it wasn’t ALL communications, but, as one brand put it, they “recognize that Father’s Day can be a really difficult time for some. If you’d rather not get Father’s Day emails from [them] this year, opt-out, we got you.” Now, these types of Hallmark-esque holidays have always sat weird with me, and, full transparency, some of them I have my own personal struggles with. However, no matter your position on Father’s Day or Mother’s Day or comparable holidays, the fact that a brand has the EQ to understand that these days can be complicated, messy, painful, difficult, or avoided completely, a simple offer (in this case, opting out of the ‘holiday’ communications) not only delivers utility for those looking to avoid an inbox barrage of Father’s Day content, but also shows the brand understands life (and their consumers) are complicated, and want to be of service (not just sell you a service).

This week I also listened to the latest NPR Life Kit podcast on the importance of mourning losses (even when they seem small). This concept in particular stuck with me, coined by Dr. Kenneth Doka: “disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that's not openly acknowledged, socially mourned or publicly supported…disenfranchised grief could also refer to other losses that aren't acknowledged - a pet dying, losing a job or missing out on milestone events like prom or a 50th birthday.” We’ve all experienced some form of disenfranchised grief between 2020 and 2021: Canceling your 50th birthday vacation in 2020, not getting to meet your first grandchild or nephew for the first year of their lives, missing going to your high school prom. Personally, I never got to take what would inevitably be my last visit to Florida to see my grandfather. I also missed throwing my youngest kid both a 1st and 2nd birthday party with family & friends (the themed paper plates still haunt me every day tucked away in my home office, and I stubbornly refuse to NOT not use them for his 3rd birthday party – which you’re all invited to as it’ll be a blowout). While obviously both on very far ends of the spectrum, this is only the tip of the iceberg, and for the most part, pretty surface level compared to the grief, both disenfranchised or other, that you, your colleagues, your employees, your friends, your family, and your consumers have experienced over the last year or so.

While we’re also supposedly entering the ‘new roaring twenties’, not taking the time to find ways to acknowledge and grieve any form of grief - or providing the tools to help consumers do so- doesn’t quite pay respect to the various levels of struggles we’ve all had, the losses we’ve seen and experienced, and the mental health toll grief – in all forms – has taken. 

For inspiration, think about what grief counselor and therapist David Defoe shares about working through it when he explains “grief is a condition of the heart. The grief that is associated with loss has to be dealt with on the emotional and the heart level. You can't think your way into better grief….the way we normalize it is to, one, recognize that it's universal. It happens to us all. And it takes a little bit of courage. It takes a little bit of courage. It takes a little bit of authenticity.”

That authenticity, that courage, that relatability and empathy is what consumers consistently seek from us and our brands already, whether it’s via transparency in a product’s ingredients (and its sourcing), in the product development process, in the promises made through messaging, etc. As Defoe explains when it comes to closure, “conclusionary rituals have taught us is that there's sort of a power and an impact of community, getting together with other people who may understand, who can share stories, who have an understanding of what you're going through.”

So, whether or not you decide to offer opt outs to marketing messages surrounding potentially triggering holidays like Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc., recognizing and empathizing that certain days, dates, and holidays may be anticipated in very different ways layered by various types of grief – disenfranchised or not – it’s understanding the behavioral signals and EQ-driven nuances a consumer may display in ways that traditional datapoints may not pick up that can help inform your communications when going to market (or, in some cases, pulling back communications), potentially reframing them or restructuring them to feel inclusive, accepting, and empathic to your consumers on all ends of the grieving spectrum.