Empathy. Meeting people where they are at without judgment. Imagine that kind of workplace......

“Empathy. Meeting people where they are at without judgment.”

This is my definition of Empathy. Let’s unpack that for a second.?

“Meeting people” means you have to connect with people, which means either actually meeting them or virtually meeting them with your camera turned on. This is about human connection.?

“Where they are at” means you need to listen and learn, seek to understand, and tailor your approach. It’s not about your needs, but their needs.?

“Without judgment” means using the interpersonal connection you form when you listen and learn about others to cut through the broad stroke assumptions, biases, and judgments that we tend to levy against others when we don’t know enough about them.??

Imagine a world where this happened naturally. Where everyone takes time to engage those around them. Where they take the time to build relationships and human connection. A world where people are curious to learn about each other and understand how their experiences contributed to the human they are today. People being present in the moment, sincere in their questions and graceful in their replies.

?Imagine a world without judgment.

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We judge others because our brain is an assumption-making machine. It’s a selfish robot that is working hard to keep you alive.?For 278,000 years we have been hunter-gathers. Our brains are primarily designed to keep us alive. To do that effectively, our brains have formed shortcuts called heuristics. If we were to process all of the stimuli our brains take in consciously, our heads would explode. When these shortcuts result in an inaccurate outcome, we call it a bias. Currently, we have documented over?165 cognitive biases?in the human brain. These are brain shortcuts that preserve power and resources that the brain can use to focus on scanning for threats and keeping you alive. While those threats have changed from Sabretooth tigers to bosses, it’s still designed to focus on your own well-being. It's processing about 11 million bits of information per second. WOW. To do that, it really does need to make a lot of assumptions. When we don’t take control of those assumptions, it can lead to some unfortunate outcomes.

Ever been on the receiving end of being miss judged by someone else? Not a good feeling.?

Take the unprecedented talent shortage and multiply that with the exponential increase in technology adoption/innovation. What do you have? A BIG urgency to upskill the workforce.

We are entering the?“The great re-skill”.?

Employee retention is more critical than ever. Focusing on employee development improves retention. Whenever we lose someone on our team, the knowledge and skill they developed over their time in their position go with them, and we must start from square one. The time and effort required to upskill someone else to that level can take years. And it can detract from that team’s overall resilience, increase burnout, and suck resources from the rest of the team.?

Remember, Empathy is meeting people where they are at without judgment. Empathy is about human connection. Shouldn’t we focus on re-skilling what robots can’t replace at this pivotal point? We have a chance to do what is right.?

I would go so far as to say that Empathy IS what makes us human.?

We are born with Empathy for survival purposes. Research shows that newborn babies will cry in response to other babies crying (Geangu, 2010). Mirror neurons treat other people’s stimuli as if it was our own so that if we see a person in pain, then the area of the brain that would light up when we are in pain is activated. When other people smile, we tend to smile. This has become the foundation of tribes, teams, communities, etc. There is an inherent physiological connection between people, and it’s what we need more of in our organizations. Mirror neurons help us become more empathetic because they help us see someone else’s perspective and understand how they feel. That’s how we meet people where they are at.

More and more leaders are failing at this. At DX, we call this the “rise of conversational narcissism.” Next time you are with your friends or in a meeting at work, listen and see how everyone is just waiting for their turn to talk. We aren’t listening, just waiting for our turn to talk. Rather than dial-up Empathy, we are in a vicious circle of a chase of the empathy gap.

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Not only is Empathy essential for humanity, but it’s also great for business.?

?The Center of Creative Leadership did a study to determine if Empathy influences a manager’s job performance. They analyzed data from 6,731 managers in 38 countries. The leaders in the study were rated on their level of Empathy, as measured by a 360. The results are documented in?their white paper, and they found that?Empathy in the workplace is positively related to job performance.

Managers who practice empathetic leadership toward their direct reports are viewed as better performers in their jobs by their bosses.?

In this?Forbes article,?Empathy Contributes to Positive business Outcomes.?A new study of 889 employees by?Catalyst?found Empathy has some significant constructive effects:

Innovation. When people reported their leaders were empathetic, they were more likely to say they were able to be innovative—61% of employees compared to only 13% of employees with less empathetic leaders.

Engagement. 76% of people who experienced Empathy from their leaders reported they were engaged, compared with only 32% who experienced less Empathy.

Retention. 57% of white women and 62% of women of color said they were unlikely to think of leaving their companies when they felt their life circumstances were respected and valued by their companies. However, when they didn’t feel that level of value or respect for their life circumstances, only 14% and 30% of white women and women of color said they were unlikely to consider leaving.

Inclusivity. 50% of people with empathetic leaders reported their workplace was inclusive, compared with only 17% of those with less empathetic leadership.

Work-Life. When people felt their leaders were more empathetic, 86% reported they can navigate the demands of their work and life—successfully juggling their personal, family, and work

Empathy may also be a crucial ingredient in mitigating bias and systemic racism.?Jason Okonofua, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, has found that teachers are more likely to employ severe discipline with Black students—and that they’re more likely to label Black students as “troublemakers” (Psychological Science, Vol. 26, No. 5, 2015).

“These labels, Okonofua said, can shape how teachers interpret behavior, forging a path toward students’ school failure and incarceration. Those labels are the judgments we talked about earlier, and there the brain goes making assumptions again. This one is explicitly related to confirmation bias, where we emphasize evidence that supports our beliefs and dismisses information that contradicts it.?

When Okonofua and his colleagues created an intervention to help teachers build positive relationships with students and value their perspectives, their increased Empathy reduced punitive discipline (PNAS, Vol. 113, No. 19, 2016). Empathy. Meeting people where they are at without judgment.?

Psychological research suggests Empathy may be the umbrella trait required to develop great cultures. As empathy researcher and Stanford University psychologist Jamil Zaki, Ph.D., describes it, Empathy is the “psychological ‘superglue’ that connects people and undergirds cooperation and kindness” (The Economist, June 7, 2019). It’s the pre-cursor to anything good at work or home and our best-laid plans to create great cultures can not be sustained without it. We are wasting billions on culture and DEI efforts, as without Empathy as a soft skill adopted by managers from top to bottom, then the aspired values will not be witnessed by the general populous.?

Empathy doesn’t come naturally, but research suggests people can cultivate it—and hopefully improve society as a result. It’s not a fixed trait.?Empathetic leadership can be learned.?If given enough time and support, leaders can develop and enhance their empathy skills through effective training.

Here are some key actions you can do to better demonstrate Empathy for those you serve:

- Be different. Expose yourself to differences. Keep pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone. To imagine another’s perspective, the more context, the better.?Shereen Naser, PhD, a professor of psychology at Cleveland State University, said consuming diverse media—for example, a White person reading books or watching movies with a non-White protagonist—and even directly participating in someone else’s culture can provide a backdrop against which to adopt someone else’s perspective.

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- Be curious. Stop talking and start listening. Stop trying to be interesting and being liked. Start being interested in others. Ask more and tell less.?Alexandra Main, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Merced, said curiosity and interest can also be an important component of Empathy. “Mind reading isn’t always the way Empathy works in everyday life. It’s more about actively trying to appreciate someone’s point of view,” she said.

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- Be fully present. “Paying attention to other people allows you to be moved by their experiences,” said?Sara Hodges, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Oregon. “Whether you are actively perspective-taking or not, if you just pay more attention to other people, you’re likely to feel more concerned for them and become more involved in their experiences.” Walk and talks are effective here. It’s the only time you can be fully present as you have no other distractions. If you are thinking of something else, talking to someone else, emailing someone else, or multitasking you are not listening.?

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By knowing, you are not assuming.

Assumptions are where judgments come from and the dark side kicks in. But assumptions make an ass out of you and me. We are all biased and remember we have over 165 cognitive biases that are designed to make you an assumption-making machine. Don’t be selfish and let those assumptions get the better of your Empathy. Be self-less, and the great leader you can be by slowing down and remembering to be different; be curious; be present

Empathy leads to equity and inclusiveness. Inclusiveness leads to a sense of belonging, that will eventually lead to psychological safety. Psychological safety enables people to be their true authentic selves and to speak up about important matters. That enables a diversity of thought and mindset, which will ultimately lead to diversity.?

Empathy. Nothing matters more.?

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I started DX to wipe out bad leadership. Empathy is an effective weapon in the war against assholes. We wipe out 1000’s each year. Feel free to reach out to learn how and support the people-first movement.??

Our CARE model and portfolio of leadership training programs are built to motivate and arm leaders with empathetic and inclusive leadership habits, re-wiring our natural selfish style, with a selfless and servant leadership style. More info here: https://www.dx-learning.com/

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