Empathy Matters

Empathy matters. This is true in life. It’s also true in work.?

I’m not talking about a pseudo empathy that’s actually just feeling sorry for somebody or showing sympathy. We’re talking the true and deep, willing to climb into a hole together, Brené Brown-type empathy.

Empathy matters. Empathy with yourself. Empathy with your teammates. Empathy for your boss and even your boss’s boss. Empathy for those you lead. Empathy for your constituents. Focusing on empathy also helps to ensure that we’re not slipping into a mindset of toxic positivity that ignores the struggles of reality.

Understanding the perspective of others may be a soft skill but it’s frankly pretty hard for many of us. These thoughts about the essential role of empathy have been swirling around my mind and heart for awhile…. In fact, I started these musings last fall. I had to check myself to ensure I wasn’t just acting with a bias toward Empathy. Full Disclosure: Empathy is one of my CliftonStrengths Top 5. It’s something that I live and breathe naturally AND, yet, I still think that it’s a foundational element of life and not just for those with Empathy in their Top 5...?

Having empathy doesn’t mean you’re unaware of the reality of what needs to be done. It might mean you evaluate many options before making a decision and you recognize the impact these decisions may have on others on your team. It doesn’t mean that you’re always going to like the perspectives of others or that you’re going to stop moving forward or taking the action that’s necessary. It also doesn’t mean that others will appreciate your perspectives. It simply means you’re aware and considering. You’re conscientious of the voices and perspectives and experiences of those around you.

Empathy with yourself. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. You matter. Your thoughts, feelings, and perspectives matter. Your past or current stressors matter. The past sometimes makes your current reactions even stronger because you are not just responding to what is happening in the room. You are responding to things you have internally connected to the past. The old wounds start vibrating again when they sense current situations. I sometimes feel like a broken record when I say things like that but it’s something that I feel and have experienced -- both personally/professionally and as a trained counselor -- at a deep level.?

Adam Grant’s NYT article from last summer on Languishing connects as well. We are a society full of individuals who are languishing. We are corporately languishing. If you are languishing or depressed, it’s harder to react to your current stressors in a vacuum. Each word is made stronger because of what you’ve experienced before. Each reaction is heightened because it’s built on that foundation. Give yourself grace. Give yourself peace. Work toward health and healing. Practice self-care. Take a walk, take a nap, or read a book -- whatever would give you a little peace in the moment.

Empathy with your colleagues. It is important to be able to look at the world beyond just our own personal perspectives. Imagining the experiences of others helps us to better understand their perspectives as well as be able to give broader support and encouragement to others. If you don’t naturally recognize it, sometimes asking questions and being curious can help you support each other. Remember it’s not your role to judge. Sometimes we forget that very important role of non-judgement and unconditional positive regard. We’re here to enter in and understand -- not tell somebody how we would have done something differently or claim that if they would just do xyz then they wouldn’t experience that problem either.

Empathy for your boss and your boss’ boss. There are stressors across industries right now. The stressors we feel are not exclusive to us. As much as we feel is on our plates, we can only imagine how that is spread throughout all people and industries. How can you help support your supervisor? How can you do your job in different and more strategic ways to align with the institutional goals and needs of your organization? Can you step back from the current stress you’re feeling and ask how your boss is feeling? Or, ask about what you could do to help support the efforts toward which that your boss is striving? Try asking your supervisors what their current goals are and how you could could?help support and realize those goals.

Empathy for those you lead/supervise. Leading without empathy isn’t good for your team and it isn’t good for you. Ignoring how your team is feeling or what they’re experiencing won’t help to unify you as a team. In fact, it’ll also negatively impact the work of your team. People aren’t machines. If we’re stressed or overwhelmed, it can affect output. Again, it doesn’t mean that expectations are forgotten about or that we cease to have high standards (Maximizer is also in my Top 10 and you’ll rarely hear me utter the phrase, “It’s good enough…,” I’m usually striving for much more.). We can effectively hold in tension supporting others through their challenges while also striving toward goals together.??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

We talked a lot about “servant leadership” when I was in college. A concept that is still relevant today. True leadership isn’t a power trip. It’s about supporting and caring for people and leading by example.

Empathy for your constituents. Caring about and assessing the needs of your constituents necessarily dictates a fresh and dynamic perspective. Not recognizing the struggles/issues that your constituents are facing is bad for business. If your services/offerings are based on the current needs of your community/clients, relying on what worked in the past will leave you floundering. If you’re not assessing the real and felt needs of your constituents, the service/resource that you’re providing won’t connect. Consider the perspectives of your constituents - what’s most important to them right now? How can you/your services connect with their greatest needs? Intentionally seek out and learn from the perspective and experiences of others.?

The corporate stress cycle has continued…. Supervisors have a unique role in supporting and fostering healthy dynamics within their team. My Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and past work as a counselor has significantly informed my work as a team member and supervisor. Harvard Business Review had an article last fall with tips for “New Managers” on how to support their team members but it seems relevant for managers who’ve supervised for a long time as well.

Unfortunately, leaders can’t wave a wand and magically fix all of the struggles in this world, but, if we’re seeking to support and serve our team with humility and attempt to understand their perspectives, we’re on our way to creating a healthier environment.

What do you think? Have I missed additional areas that are important to have empathy? Is this something that feels especially easy/hard for you? What do you think contributes to that struggle/ease? What other ways can we support/connect with the needs of our team, our community, our world??

Will you join me in the affirmation and integration of empathy? I think our world would be all the better for it… Empathy matters and YOU MATTER!!

-Sarah