Empathy Lessons from Our Four-Legged Friends

Empathy is a powerful, transformative force that shapes our interactions and our relationships. I'm dog-sitting this week for my best friend. Being with Mr Oakley prompted me to research dogs and empathy. It turns out that dogs are not only capable of understanding and sharing emotions but also act on empathy, much like humans. This insight got me thinking—if dogs can flex their empathy muscles, certainly, we humans can too.

Research shows that dogs exhibit a type of empathy known as "affective empathy," allowing them to pick up on emotions in other dogs, but also in humans. They can differentiate between positive and negative feelings and often act on this understanding. For example, dogs may pay more attention to a person who is pretending to cry than to someone who is laughing, even attempting to comfort the person in distress. This behavior is akin to "emotional contagion," where they share and respond to our feelings.

Dr. Jamil Zaki distinguishes between two types of empathy: emotional and mental. Emotional empathy is the primal, visceral ability to feel what others feel—something we share with many other species, not just dogs. Mental empathy, on the other hand, involves the cognitive detective work of understanding what’s going on in someone else’s mind, especially when their experiences differ from ours.

Flexing Our Empathy Muscles

Empathy, like any skill, can be developed and strengthened. Here are a few ways we can learn from our furry friends and enhance our own empathetic abilities:

1. Be Present and Observant: Dogs are masters of this. They are attuned to our body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions in order to gauge our emotions. We can do the same by paying close attention to the people around us, noticing the subtle cues that indicate how they might be feeling.

2. Practice Emotional Contagion: Allow yourself to truly feel what others are experiencing. This doesn’t mean losing yourself in their emotions, but rather acknowledging and sharing their feelings. It creates a deep sense of connection and understanding.

3. Engage in Mental Empathy: Take the time to understand the context and experiences of others. Ask questions, actively listen, and avoid assuming that others feel the same way you do about a shared experience. This cognitive approach helps bridge gaps in understanding and fosters genuine empathy.

In my TEDx talk, "What a Pimp Taught Me About Empathy," I encouraged tapping into various forms of empathy. I think we, as humans, have the cognitive advantage to do this more effectively than dogs. By combining emotional and mental empathy, we can navigate the world with greater compassion and understanding.

The Empathy Revolution

I’m reminded of the simple yet profound lessons our pets teach us. Empathy is not just an inherent trait—it's a skill we can cultivate. Dogs demonstrate for us that empathy is about being present, feeling with others, and understanding their unique perspectives. So, let’s take a cue from our four-legged friends and unleash the power of those empathy muscles.

Learn more about empathy in the book, Spark the Heart: Engineering Empathy in Your Organization