Empathy is Not Just for Oprah

Empathy is the simple but powerful act of a human being trying to walk in another’s shoes.

It is something we expect from our parents, our friends, a therapist, and Oprah. But what about a CEO, a coach or a general?

It isn’t necessarily the first word that comes to mind, but it should be. Because empathy is a leadership super power that builds the unbreakable bonds of trust and loyalty that are essential to every well-functioning organization.

 I’ve always thought empathy was critical to being a good leader. But now, after our society has been racked by a pandemic, by racial injustice and with so much fear and anxiety, it is clear empathy has become an absolutely essential trait of effective and enlightened leadership. 

Becoming a more empathetic leader is a journey that never ends, because there is no point at which you should stop being interested, engaged, and invested in the lived experience of our fellow humans.

Your capacity for empathy is a function both of what you learn and what you live through. The first is the easiest. If you’re intellectually curious, if you’re mindful about taking in different kinds of books and movies and cultivating a more diverse group of friends and perspectives, you can more naturally see the world from a point of view outside your own.

But there is no replacement for lived experience, and if you’ve been through pain, hardship or struggle, I think you are often more inclined to be empathetic.

I was reminded of this when I spoke recently with one of the most amazing leaders at Facebook, Fidji Simo, as part of my regular Conversation with C series. Fidji heads up the Facebook App, which means she is responsible for just about everything you interact with when you access Facebook on your phone.

She was born in a small fishing village in France, and after joining Facebook in 2011 in a junior marketing position and has since worked her way to becoming the Head of Facebook app and a leader across our company. We both started at Facebook around the same time, and have become good friends.

If you didn’t know Fidji and saw her walk into a room, you’d know within five minutes that 1) she’s a total boss, and 2) she always has the best shoes. What you would not know: Fidji has struggled with chronic health conditions that at one point put her in a wheelchair for six months, and that she endured a grueling pregnancy that had her on bed rest for five months.

In her own willingness to be vulnerable in front of others during trying times, she made it clear that others should give themselves the permission to do the same – own your vulnerability. Fidji’s colleagues and friends know we can open up to her about our own challenges and be met with an empathetic and sympathetic ear.

Fidji’s empathy—which she said is grounded in being from a Spanish-Italian family in which everyone felt safe to express their emotions—hasn’t just made her a better leader. It’s why she’s so good at her job developing and innovating the Facebook app.

Fidji is managing an app used by billions of people, but if you listen to my conversation with her, you’ll hear her explain how one story about one nurse using Facebook on her break to help put on a happy face for her patients so strongly influences Fidji’s product decisions.

That’s empathy in action. Facebook is meant to be a place where you can do more together than alone. And it’s through the lens of empathy that Fidji and her teams build products to make the world a better place. It means taking someone’s individual experiences from wherever they are in the world and building the best possible product for them.

I hope you’ll get a chance to see why so many admire Fidji Simo so much by listening to our full conversation about empathy here.