Empathy is Honesty

When you see someone make a mistake or behave badly; what's your initial reaction?

Honest answers only.

Do you get judgmental? Do you look down on them? Do you think of the myriad of ways they went wrong and how you would have done things better or differently?

If so, you're being dishonest with yourself.

Being judgmental is being dishonest. When we judge others, we compare their behavior and actions to our aspirational self. The best version of ourselves. The version of ourselves that does everything right. The version of ourselves that would NEVER make that same mistake or behave that way.

A version of ourselves that does not even exist.

We judge from a place of objectivity, safety, and distance. We're out of range of the action. We think have all the facts.

However, when we show empathy, we acknowledge that given the same exact set of circumstances, we may have behaved the same exact way. We acknowledge the we too are fallible, and from time to time...we screw up.

When we are empathetic, we are honest.

When we see someone make a mistake we shouldn't judge them on how they should have done it differently, but instead reflect for a moment on how we might have done it the same...or even worse.

Judging others is easy. It's safe. It's the path of least resistance. It allows us to deceive ourselves and pretend that we're above this kind of behavior.

Empathy, on the other hand, is hard. It forces us to acknowledge that we are NOT perfect. We have made mistakes. We have behaved badly. And we will do it again and again, over and over. Because we are human and that's what humans do. All of us. None of us are immune to imperfection.

We're not alone in being judgmental. Even the Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote in his private journal (which we now know as Meditations) reminding himself to stop being judgmental and start being empathetic. To be HONEST with himself.

“When faced with people's bad behavior, turn around and ask when you have acted like that.”

So, the next time you encounter someone who made a mistake or behaved badly, take a moment to ask yourself:

"Have I acted this way before, or am I capable of acting this way?"

The answer is most likely, "yes,"

Maybe you caught them at a bad moment. Maybe they're not always this way. Give them the benefit of the doubt. The same benefit of the doubt you would want to receive when you make a mistake.

Don't lie to yourself that you're above such behavior.

Be empathetic instead of judgmental.

Be honest with yourself.