Empathy is hard, but don't be afraid...

Welcome to the latest edition of the Leading with Empathy Newsletter. It has been a whirlwind few weeks and with another 20+ flights booked before September, I'm fortunate enough to be speaking to many diverse people in the coming months. Hope to see you somewhere in there too!

Empathy is hard...

This might be a little controversial, but humans are not really designed to live and work in large diverse groups.

That's not to say that we shouldn't, living in diverse groups has highlighted our ability to adapt, learn and grow. I believe we are better as a species when we can live in large, diverse groups as it is helping us face the complex challenges of today. Now more than ever we need to build more diverse, high-performing teams.

Diversity in teams provides incredible opportunities for collaborative genius and breakthrough innovation. Seeing the same problem through different eyes provides immense opportunity and allows teams to unlock ideas that are invisible to their homogenous rivals. I believe it will be your ability as a leader to engage a diverse range of people that will determine your long-term success. What I want to point out here is, your brain isn’t really designed to do it, leading diverse teams isn't particularly ‘natural’.

Humans instinctively like and trust people to whom we can relate, people who are familiar or like us in some way. We gravitate to people who share our ideas and beliefs, people who play by the same rules, believe what we believe, and sing from the same hymn sheet. For most of human history, we stayed pretty close to people who shared our customs, culture, and DNA.?

So naturally, when we look to build a team, we often seek out people to whom we can relate easily. At a party, you ask a stranger where they are from or what they do for work. When their answer is the same as ours, we get excited and step in. If we share a contact, a connection, or an interest, things feel easier. In a work interview, we describe it as a “cultural fit”, but what we really mean is: “Are you enough like us that you will fit in comfortably”.? We ascribe greater weight to features that we like. The Halo Effect, or more correctly named Halo Error, means that this thread of familiarity can provide the brain with a broad predisposition towards the person.?

We develop a sense of positivity, predictability, and fondness in the person, our brains do not feel as uncertain or as threatened when we are around people we feel are like us, this leads to chemicals flooding the brain and you feel at ease. Studies have shown the impact of this on interviews, classrooms, and even in courtrooms. Conversely, a sense of unfamiliarity can lead us to feel uncertainty, suspicion and develop a negative impression of the person. Equally unfounded in any evidence, it can lead to devastating and unjust impacts. Whenever we have to make a subjective judgment, we are susceptible to cognitive bias and the familiar is an ancient bias we need to be aware of.

Finding people like us, kinfolk, our tribe, is hardwired deep in our brains. We search for it constantly as for thousands of years it was a sure sign of safety. This is partly why the Red Zhao people of northern Vietnam wear elaborate ruby cloth and the Black Mhung wear dark bands and cylindrical caps. They know instantly if you are one of them or not. They use dress to signal definitively who they are. In medieval Europe, Flagmen, and insignia were important for armies to know who was on their team and who was against them. We wear our footy team's colours on a Saturday and give a gentle, comforting nod to strangers wearing a matching kits in the street. We listen for our language and our accent. We like to know if the people around us are likely to share our view on how the world is, or not.?

Doing so makes sense. When we share ideas, thoughts, and mental models, things are more efficient, easier, and predictable. Teams of like minds are great at working together seamlessly and predictably. But they are also less dynamic, and less able to change, adapt and innovate quickly. Their shared set of beliefs and experiences make it easy to get along but also constrain the possibilities of thought. Their thoughts naturally converge, creating a soothing consistency. Sadly, this resounding echo chamber we so often seek lacks the divergence needed for new ideas or space for the type of constructive conflict needed in a complex world. We like to surround ourselves with people who agree and in doing so, reinforce the group thinking that constrains our creative possibilities.

The beauty, and the greatest opportunity, of today, is that we can now access millions of innovative and different thoughts and ideas from incredibly diverse brains. We are able to connect, collaborate and partner with ‘them’ if we choose to and understand better how to. Technology makes it possible to instantly collaborate across the traditional barriers of geography, language, and timezones. We can connect designers in Montreal speaking in French with German manufacturers in Berlin and Chinese coders in Shenzhen to discuss products in ways that 100 years ago would have been nearly impossible.

But this is also our greatest challenge: how do we successfully communicate with, engage, disagree, argue, and then resolve when other people are so different from ourselves? How do we work together in large diverse teams? How do we recruit, lead and motivate people who see the world so differently? The barriers that hold us back exist deep in our minds, so how do we develop the skills to overcome these mental biases?

The answer is #empathy. Being an Empathic Leader is critical for dealing with the diverse and complex modern world. That is why it is my passion!

Empathy in the Workplace

My keynote on Empathy in the Workplace helps audiences of different types to better appreciate the constraints, blockers and natural functions of our brain that hold us back from empathy. We explore simple yet powerful models and metaphors that make empathy accessible, learnable and practical, even for the most analytical types.

From accountants to miners, government workers to not-for-profits, school administrators to sales professionals, this keynote has helped thousands of people to understand empathy in a whole new way.

If you need a boost of empathy, reach out [email protected]

How great is Fiji! Why you need to go...

I had the amazing pleasure to speak at the #FICACongress2023 recently. The Fijian Institute of Chartered Accountants hosted the conference at the beautiful Shangri-la in Fiji and it was spectacular.

I was fortunate enough to receive such warm and generous feedback from the audience (and even sold out of books I was selling after). The experience really highlighted the importance of a warm smile and genuine care.

I saw this most of all in the amazing people who entertained and played with my daughter. My wife and daughter were able to come with me and it was such a pleasure to see how happy it made them to be in Fiji. We had some amazing time together and I fully appreciate that few parents have the opportunity for their family to join them on work trips to such incredible places.

Thank you once again to the people who made it all happen: Tarlochan Singh , Salote Madanavosa , Daljeet Maharaj and the entire team at FICA. Also to Michael A. , Cressida Askew and the Encore Speakers crew who I can always rely on.

Please, if you are looking for a holiday, visit beautiful Fiji. Bula!

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Thanks for reading, I appreciate you!

Daniel

[email protected]