There is No Empathy Filter on Zoom

I knew I was in trouble…

…when I realized I was grinding my teeth as the conversation continued.

Perhaps you can relate. I was having one of those Zoom reconnecting conversations with a friend I had not seen in a while… and politics came up. uh oh.

Believe it or not, I was not so concerned about whether or not we agreed because we were friends already. Of course, I wanted us to agree, but I usually have enough curiosity to want to know what people think and why they think that way, even if it’s not my POV.

I know – that’s a little bit unusual – but it’s part of my “personality type” and it often works to my advantage, so we continued on…

This friend started saying many things about the state of our country that I fully embrace… but then he applied those thoughts and feelings to an interpretation of recent events that was completely opposite of the reality that I saw. Ugh.

When empathy and curiosity go out the window

While this was jarring on a number of levels, what I became aware of was how unable I was to empathize with him and to stay curious. It felt like one of my superpowers had been zapped. I suddenly felt… vulnerable (and really angry)!?

I became aware that I was suddenly less focused on who he was and much more on what he said. For me, this person became a position. And I felt especially frustrated because I had this experience with a friend!

So why is this a thing?

B2B has always been personal. Does this happen to you? Does this happen in business conversations? What do you do? How do you handle the situation?

An African friend recently reminded me about a Zulu greeting (“Sawubona”) that literally means “I see you,” implying that you are important to me and I value you. In my eyes, my real friend had disappeared and been replaced with a stereotype. I could no longer see him.

Yeah, but why is this in a business blog?

I believe empathy is core to our success as marketers. Here’s why… the most important marketing question a company faces is how and why its prospects buy (or don’t). And really knowing how and why people do anything requires really knowing them.

Of course, all companies “know” this on some level. But usually this “knowledge” is general or simplistic platitudes (“it’s our service!” or “we’re the best product out there!”). And that’s why so many struggle to attract good prospects who are looking to buy. What many companies lack is a true appreciation of how and why their prospects buy that is:

• Real: Not based on anecdote. Not just what the sales team says. But based on what prospects themselves say and do.?
• Fundamental: Not a simple reflection of the product (“we are value-priced… because our prospects are looking for value!) But reflecting the buyer’s values, goals, and obstacles… even before they encounter the trigger for considering your product.
• Actionable: Not interesting observations about who your prospects are, but insights that can be turned into targeting, messaging, and pricing strategies that serve the market better than before.

Knowing the truth about how and why prospects buy is the key to health, growth, and profitability. Not knowing is corporate death.

How is empathy connected with selling??

Empathy is not (just) a feeling. In fact, it gets its power from the cognitive understanding of another person or situation. It’s from that common understanding (not agreement) that an emotional link is formed.

In fact, there are five elements to empathy, reflecting the work of consumer researcher Rob Volpe:

1. Neutrality: Step away from the need to judge. Step into the need to learn and understand.
2. Questions: Ask open, exploratory questions rather than closed survey questions which include the unspoken assumption that you know the questions to ask??
3. Listening: Actively listen a person’s energy, clarity, and priorities, hearing both what they say and what they don’t
4. Synthesis: Integrate learning into a coherent, other-centric understanding to develop a worldview that can predict the future, not just report the past
5. Imagination: Create new frameworks based on what you now understand

Now think about how you market or sell something. How well do you think you can write or speak with someone you don’t understand… or care about. My point exactly.

Is empathy in your repertoire?

How empathic are you feeling these days… especially with those people whose worldview you do not completely understand… or care about? Yes, I really do want to know!

If you’re feeling less empathetic these days, you’re not alone. A University of Michigan study found that even students have 40% less empathy these days than students did before 2000.

It’s not just personal… it’s business.

Who you are at home is not really different from who you are at work (and that has never been clearer than in the COVID-era WFH world)! Companies are communities of people that happens to have an economic core. In fact, the word “company” means to share bread together (Latin: “cum pane” meaning “with bread”)

Next week: A tool to build buyer empathy in your company.

******

But enough about me. How about you?

We’d like to gear this newsletter to what’s on your mind, your issues, priorities. Either put a comment on LinkedIn, or get to me directly – [email protected].

"These days we are most looking to (rank 1/2/3):?

• Engage with more senior / strategic buyers
• Increase our win rate
• Avoid stalled opportunities / shorten sales cycle?
• Enter a new market (enterprise, healthcare, China, etc.)
• Improve our retention rate / revenue per customer
• Increase alignment with sales / message consistency

This is not sales, promise.

Please:

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Thank you!

Wayne Cerullo

This is the first in a series of explorations into the hidden importance of “buyer empathy” in the communities we call companies.