Empathy Evangelist

I have been on several client calls over the last couple of weeks and the #1 thing I hear on repeat is “Empathy” – those who have it, those who don’t and how it is showing up in our daily lives personally and professionally.  

Empathy by definition is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Seems easy, is it? Empathy is a leadership competency that significantly impacts others by being able to understand another’s experience and frame of reference. 

Recently, many leaders globally have had to make heart wrenching decisions followed by harsh criticism and even bullying regardless the decision. Whether we agree or not the act of empathy is to seek to understand another’s experience and frame of reference outside of your own.  

My grandmother used to tell me “walk a mile in their shoes” before you voice your opinion -that’s right “my opinion” my point of view – I was encouraged to think of others perspectives before word vomiting over myself. Wise woman, my Nana! 

Guiding tips to help you find your inner empathy evangelist:

1. Be self-aware – This is a crucial step! How are you feeling personally (emotionally/physically), what is your environment like today, are you under more stress than normal, is your mind wandering, are you upset, angry, sad, happy, focused? How are you showing up today? Your experience and frame of reference is yours – own it! 

 2. Intentionally connect with people – Be purposeful in your connection. Regardless of how you connect – in person, video chat, phone, text, Marco Polo, Linked-In, Twitter, Snapchat, the list goes on... bring your authentic self, anything less is disingenuous and will do you no favors. 

3. Be present – our time is precious, if you are connecting be present – it is respectful and allows you to be the best version of you. We have all had that instant message pop up and for a split minute or brain shifts – guess what? The person whom we are connecting with is directly impacted by our lack of presence. If you’re not able to be fully present provide your connection upfront awareness – examples: Forgive me, I have a bit of a head cold today, I’m expecting a call from my doctor – I may need to drop, etc. Remember we are all humans at the end of the day “do on to others as you would have them do onto you!” 

4. Stop, look & listen for cues – when connecting, listen for cues – how is the persons tone? What type of language are they using? Listen for their words, inflection, and pauses. If you are in person or video chat – how is the person’s posture? What type of environment are they in? How are they feeling? Text/email – don’t read tone, assume the best intentions – when in doubt “pick up the phone.” If you listen – they will tell you, but its up to you to understand their experience and frame of reference. 

5. Breathe – it is not rocket science; take a breath, count to 10, go on a walk, connect with your thoughts and be mindful of other perspectives

6. Reflect – Once you have connected reflect on the conversation, were you authentic? What did you hear them say (verbally/non-verbally)? How can you help? Is there an action you can take? What is your follow up?

As a mother of an autistic spectrum young adult, there is nothing more honorable than meeting someone where they are and showing up as your authentic self! It is my hope that your interactions will leave you and your connections better for it!