Empathy at the DMV

An all-day seminar detailing the new tax code. A trip to the dentist office for a complex root canal. Prison. These are all places I would rather go than the Maryland Department of Motor Vehicles.

Yet there I was Friday morning, desperately trying to register and title my new (to me) car. Let's just say it didn't go smoothly. Missing signatures. Inspection snafus. Technical glitches. What should have been a 30-minute errand turned into a 3-hour ordeal!

And the atmosphere didn't help my general mood. The dim lighting. The general smell of body odor and Lysol. The constant buzzing of the queue system ("Now serving, G22!") which never seemed to call my number. I was slowly drifting toward Dante's ninth, and final, circle of hell.

On my fourth run through the queue, they eventually called my number. I wearily trudged up to the counter, already beaten down and broken by the system. The apathetic clerk took my paperwork and immediately starting pecking into his computer. After a few minutes, with no dialogue, he peered up from his screen and told me I didn't have what I needed. I would have to come back another day.

"Excuse me?", I blurted out.

He callously stared right through me and screamed "Next!"

And that lack of care or concern finally launched me into full meltdown mode. My one eyeball spun to the right. My other eyeball spun to the left. Smoke blasted out of both ears. And just as I was about to unleash the fury, another clerk next to him jumped in to the rescue.

"Sir, I've noticed you have been through this line several times. I don't blame you for being frustrated. Hand me your paperwork and I promise I'll have you out of here in no time."

Meltdown averted.

She apologized for all the mishaps. She showed genuine concern and empathy for my plight. The frustration and hopelessness quickly exited my body. Within minutes, I was out the door with a new set of license plates and a title.

In desperate times, a little empathy goes a long way. And that is a good thing to remember in our personal and professional lives.

Everyone Faces Some Type of Struggle

The stress at work can become overwhelming.   The salesperson struggling to make their number. The leader of a new division dealing with increased competition. The teacher failing to connect with the students. The coach in the middle of a losing streak.   None of it easy. But sometimes we get so caught up in our own issue that we fail to see the suffering around us.

We are not the only ones facing pressure. We are not the only ones laboring through our day. We all need a little encouragement when facing our breaking point. So why not show a little empathy toward our co-workers and colleagues? They may be struggling more than us!

Empathy is a Two-Way Street

The same is true in our personal lives. Every spouse is facing some kind of pressure. Every child can have a bad day. Every family member has their own cross to bear. Every friend faces his or her own demons. It is very easy to lose our temper or become frustrated with those closest to us. It is very easy to judge. But how often do we step outside our own bubble and consider someone else's plight?

Our family and friends need our empathy. These people are the bedrock of our existence. We can't make it without them. And just as we need their support, they need ours in return. Empathy is a two-way street.

Empathy Breeds Resilience

But empathy is not easy. It takes incredible strength to see past our own problems. It takes incredible vision to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. And this is especially true when we are going through our own difficult time. Self-focus is a strong defense mechanism. In times of struggle, we tend to curl into a ball and look within.

But if we can dig deep and demonstrate true empathy, the payoff in huge. Not just for others. But for us.  If we can help someone in their time of need, it puts our own struggles in perspective. It brings joy to our own lives. It makes our own issues less daunting.

Empathy is a key driver for resilience. And we all need a little resilience to make it in this world.

We Are All Capable of Helping Others

The lady at the DMV did not have to step in and help me. I was just another number (C18!) and she had her hands full with other disgruntled customers. But that little bit of extra care and concern saved my day.  That small display of empathy averted an almost certain meltdown. It was such a simple act. But I am sure it was not easy.

We are all capable of similar acts of empathy. We are all capable of helping others in their time of need. We are all capable of stepping outside of our own bubble and focusing outward.

And if we do, we are all capable of bringing relief and joy to our little corner of the world. Even in the dark corners of the DMV.

Rob Clark is a motivational speaker and author. For more on resiliency, sign up for his weekly blog, The Resilient Worker.