Empathy, courage, and privilege

Empathy is a dwindling resource. It’s hard to maintain empathy in organizations as they scale. But when it’s there, with you, there is massive potential for transformation. Have you felt this recently? The cold part of you thaws, revealing a real person beneath that frost. Often times, it’s empathy that helps you “immediately get” some important matter. But then it passes. Those that are marginalized, that are treated badly - they and others have felt that treatment in their bones, unimaginable to others unless you, or someone you care about, have had it happen to them. Before breakthrough progress has ever occurred, it was preceded by someone saying “this is not right.” An article in the news about a tragedy often passes us by. For others, it sparks a sense of injustice - often because they saw something that reminded them of their personal life, their family, their childhood. And that story burned something inside them that they couldn’t extinguish. 

Courage, on the other hand, is not dwindling - it’s simply rare. The wiring or circumstances - or whatever must be present for it - spectral gold underneath all of us; hard to find. Hard for us as an individual to be courageous in the day. We all just want to go home, safe, at the end of the day. Imagine the person who is shaken, outraged - and then is courageous enough to do something about it. And then that ghost was still present beside them the next day, and the next. Haunting them. And soon they are at a podium. Or at a leadership meeting, clearing their throat, about to put their career on the line. Sacrificing. Empathy and courage, guiding someone. Empathy and courage, in combination. I’ve been in awe of this, the rare few times I’ve seen it.

In the workplace, empathy and courage get dressed up in a disguise where, for eg., a corporation changes their logo to a rainbow flag for a month - then is silent on LGTBQ advocacy the rest of the year. Nothing really put on the line. Or a CEO says they are “doing good by our staff” by making solid financial decisions, or tiredly nodding in approval of a cause someone else is advocating for. In your corporation, the courageous and empathetic person is currently not being supported. They are alone, at this very moment. They are female, or non-binary, or under-represented. The change agent is being ignored or, worse, being sidelined to their own career detriment. A prosocial bystander likely spoke up recently and not a single privileged white male chimed in to back them up. They are carrying a torch and just need one person to back them up.

The privileged person (like me) is currently dressed up in positivity. Being viewed as one with answers that others will default listen to. The privileged person doesn’t need to be empathetic or courageous. Possibly, the privileged person has one of the above. There is the privileged & empathetic person, for eg. That person who deeply feels for the situation and says “let me know how I can help” - and then is nowhere to be found when it matters. The privileged & courageous person is fighting hard to make money at great personal risk! More money than is needed. And then they’re saying “I am helping people. I’m a good person.” They are forgettable. A chapter no one will write. 

The privileged person who is also empathetic and courageous has the ability to change the trajectory of the lives of the immensely deserving. Here’s the rub: the privileged, empathetic, and courageous person would read that and be saying “this isn’t me.” You don’t know it. You don’t know it’s you. 

For your organization, progress can’t solely rest on the female, non-binary, and underrepresented individuals. They’ve been courageous. They’ve been empathetic. Progress will need the courageous and empathetic privileged individuals to step up. To put something on the line (their time, their comfort zone, their privilege). When they do, it’ll feel to them like they are encountering resistance, or that they are making some mistake. At that point, you’ll know you’re on the right track. Continue.