Empathy in Conflict

?? Why is Empathy so Hard? ??

Usually, I talk about Self-Empathy, which is genuinely tough. Thanks to the Judge, our own busy inner critic, we spend a lifetime tearing ourselves down—criticizing every aspect of ourselves, thinking it’s part of self-improvement. (Spoiler alert: It just makes us miserable, not better!)

But here’s the paradox: All that self-directed judgment and criticism make it incredibly challenging to empathize with others during conflicts or when we feel hurt.

When we dismantle ourselves, we instinctively do the same to others. Lowering them to our level becomes the goal. Oddly enough, we find pleasure in thinking they’re not as good as us—digging through mental files for evidence of their “wrongness.”

Think about your last argument with a partner or friend. Nasty judgments likely swirled in your head—how their way of thinking, or being, their actions, or habits paled in comparison to yours.

Now, here’s the twist: To be empathetic, we must first see the other person in the conflict as fellow vulnerable humans—imperfect, mistake-prone, yet worthy of love. We relinquish our grievances, our sense of rightness, our superiority—the very things we cling to during conflict.

And when we leap into that perspective, magic happens. We truly listen. We hear their pain, heartbreak, and confusion. And they, in turn, offer the same to us.

Simple? Yes. Easy? No! But Positive Intelligence provides effective strategies for conflict resolution and relationship improvement. And how to reach for your own power of Empathy even when it's hard.

If you’re navigating relationship conflicts, consider an introductory coaching session. Scroll to the bottom of the page to request one: Next Chapter Coaching. Next Chapter Coaching - Mental Fitness Coaching (nancybeachamcoach.com)

Let’s choose empathy—it changes us and the other person in our conflict as well. ??

Your turn. Anything sound familiar here? Can you think of a time when you were so mad at someone, you just couldn’t see their pain?

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