Empathy as a Behavioural Leadership Trait

One of the major reasons that I feel so grateful to have had a chance to be a Leader is being able to get more in touch with my Emotional Intelligence.

I remember at the start of my Leadership journey, I had a direct report who confided in me that he did not want to be involved in any of the team activities, and just wanted to remain in silo. I inquired, and I remember his dejected look with his slumped shoulders as he explained to me. He said that he felt like the team had ganged up on him previously, and had said very hurtful things behind his back, and it had gone round to the department (mind you, our department has about 200 plus FTEs), and back to him. The sad thing was, he had been so excited about joining such a big-name organization, and I truly believed that his negative experience within the half year he was with us was impacting his ability to deliver up to his potential. Even though he really wanted to pursue a long term career with the company, unbeknownst to him, this negative experience combined with the continuous way he perceived his situation, meant that he had one foot out the door and there was a risk that he may not be able to gain the necessary skills and capability to remain competitive. 

As an employee, you can’t have emotional commitment to the company (a commitment to deliver above and beyond), if you feel like you are part of a very non-inclusive company culture.

From that day on, I told him about my previous challenges when I was in high school of being severely bullied and how it helped me to rise above and always be the bigger person. I told him that he cannot control what his team members said about him, but he can control his situation in terms of how he responded. I encouraged him to take charge of his development and career, adopt a positive attitude, and be kind and respectful to everyone (including those who don’t necessarily deserve it). Because if he did this, I told him, he wins, not them. At the same time, what I can do as a leader, is to embed inclusive practices within our team, but it will take time to foster a safe and inclusive team culture. 

I also looked into his eyes, extended my hand out towards him on the table (but of course, not physically touching him, but just to demonstrate genuine care), that it is not the quantity of friends that he has, it is the quality of friends that he has. 

That I promised him, that I will not just be his Leader, but I will always be a true friend to him. 

I will never forget the amazing and unforgettable transformation I saw in him. He started taking pride in his appearance (no more slumped shoulders and sad look on his face), his true authentic and friendly self (with his sense of humour) started to sparkle and emit this positive aura. His work performance also improved. His teammates started seeing this new side of him, and they started to re-establish a collaborative working relationship with him. I will always be so proud of his ability to whip his perception of the challenging events in his workplace and adopt a hopeful and positive attitude. 

When I attended a globally recognized leadership workshop called LEAD recently, I remembered sharing my experiences of building a safe and inclusive team environment and how this was key to boosting productivity and creativity. Some of the other leaders were sharing how they tried but that it did not work, and that their team was different. 

I believe that as a leader, you can’t just do a few nice things, and expect results. It takes time. Just like how it takes time for two people to fall in love and commit to each other. 

As a leader, for your team to see your genuine intentions and find out who you are, that takes time. But it doesn’t mean you should ever give up. The best things in life that you achieve, are always the ones you had to put in the highest amount of effort. One of the reasons I opted to join my current organization as my first job, was because it was the hardest assessment that I needed to get through. The other companies who offered me a job after I graduated from University, I didn’t want it as bad because maybe I felt like I didn’t really deserve it. 

So it took so much time, but after a year, through resilience and also because I genuinely cared so much for my big team, my efforts to demonstrate empathy paid off!  It is hard to say, and it feels so sappy, but it is true, I was starting to accept the good and the flaws of each team member. I had some of them come and tell me, “Ruzanna, you are so caring and sweet, I didn’t know that you have such a soft heart”. 

Only recently, do I feel like I deserved to be appointed in this Leadership position, after I gained the trust from my team. 

And what I did that I believe set me apart from other managers, is that I treated them how I would have wanted to be treated, and then I did 4 times more on top of that. If you ever know me in real life, you would see that I don’t have to fake anything. I believe in always being myself. Being a leader pushed me to up my empathy levels. For my female team members, when they would come back from compassionate leave after their relative passed away, I would pull them in a hug and tell them that everything is going to be okay, and that they are going to get through this. To let me know how I can make the transition back to work easier for them during this difficult time. These direct reports later on told me, that none of their previous Managers had hugged them after they suffered a personal challenge. 

On another time, I also visited a direct report when she got hospitalized, and she was a foreigner in Malaysia, hence she did not have much family and friends here, so I thought it is important that I visited her in the hospital to show support, as I did not want her to feel so alone. I know this meant a lot to her. 

At the end of the day, every direct report that a Leader has wants to feel special.

Only when you treat them with genuine care and kindness, do they come back to office with a boost in morale and a willingness to go that extra mile in work delivery. 

And lastly, I diagnosed that one of the root causes of why my team was sometimes lacking in proactiveness in engaging in calls with employees (and giving them a personalized experience, instead of a robotic one), and also speaking up during team meetings or conference call meetings with our Middle East stakeholders was because of their self-belief that they had a poor grasp of the English language. They were brought up in environments where they always spoke the national language, which is Malay, and this would be good if they were working in a work environment that supported a clientele that spoke mostly Malay, but this was not the case. Our Middle East stakeholders had the highest proficiency in the English language. I could as a Leader, have just accepted this as a matter of fact, or I could do something about it. Back in High School, College and University, I would render help to my classmates who wanted to improve in their English speaking, listening and writing skills. I always helped them for free, because heck, why not. Not everyone can afford to enrol themselves in English Language courses. 

So, I decided to do something about it.

For a number of months now, I developed this after work hours English classes. I would try to make the sessions as engaging, interactive and fun as possible. I have to thank the internet, because the resources are just amazing. We would have a class where the aim was to improve our listening skills, and we would listen to an audio file where we have to listen intently and write notes (I wrote notes along with my team members haha), and then recall to each other what were the important points mentioned. Over time, it was observed by myself and others, how my team members took charge and accountability to improve their English language skills, started speaking up more in English (instead of defaulting to their comfort zone of speaking the Malay language), and became more confident. I was so proud of them. No other Manager in my HR department was doing what I did. And there could be valid reasons why they are not doing this, for example, managing escalations, not having the time to create their own resources, or maybe they don’t think it is part of their Job Description to have after work English language classes for their team members. And that is fine, that is their own outlook, and I respect their opinion.

But one thing about me, I don’t believe in accepting the status quo, especially when I see an opportunity to put in time and effort that will obviously push the organization forward. Why should I aim to be an ordinary, common Leader, when I can, day by day, have a continuous growth mindset, to build up my credibility to be a one of a kind, exceptional Leader? 

I can see now that my team is not faking it when they ask me how I am, and how they can help me. There is genuine care in their eyes and body language. I feel my heart fill with love right up to the brim, and I am enveloped in comfort, knowing that not only do I care about my team, but they have started to care for me as well.

And isn’t that what being a leader is all about? 

Below are some memories where I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to work with the most amazing team ever!

Written by:

Ruzanna Rashid

Important Note: The above views are written in my own personal capacity, and are my own views. They are not representative or reflective of the Organization that I am employed by.