Empathetic Leadership is Not Weak

For most of my lifetime, empathy had no place in business, especially in retail. Blackout dates were posted with no wiggle-room. If someone needed a vacation during holiday or back-to-school, we were told that they would have to resign. Either that or their request wouldn’t be approved, and they would be scheduled. They would then miss their shifts, and they would be terminated.

Seriously. This was the direction of upper management. No one considered doing it differently because all the power resided at the top, and employees were thought of as workers and not humans.

Is this any way to run a team? Ever? Give me a break. Why would anyone want to work at a place like this? They wouldn’t. But the harsh reality is people need jobs, and this is all too common. This isn’t my way.

Not in my store. I’m done with the status quo. I’ve thrown all those previous expectations out the window, and I view everyone on my team as an equal partner. Guess what? I have a retention rate and a re-hire rate (seasonal employees/college kids) through the roof. Associates can’t wait to return and work at my store because they are treated like they matter.

During downtime, we chat about coffee, crypto, and college credits. Everyone contributes and has fun. Everyone feels like they are an essential part of the team — because they are.

Empathy — the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner also: the capacity for this.

Someone we re-hired (who said he had no vacations) submitted a laundry list of time off requests. It was almost a page long — I’m not kidding. My eyes got huge as I read it — Bugs Bunny eyes. I had to ask the other managers if this was correct. Should I tell him to quit? We are headed into our busiest month. I wasn’t sure. The requests were extensive.

We decided, as a leadership team, to think about it. He was doing really well. I wasn’t going to tell him the day before Thanksgiving that he had to quit (see: empathy), so we gave it some time.

Empathy begins with time to think and process what you’re dealing with. It may require you to include others as a sounding board.

We concluded to approve the time off and let him stay. Why? Because he is a ray of sunshine. He is happy and productive during every shift. He is genuine and excited to help people. He loves musical theater, and he began singing along to the holiday music in the store while ringing someone up one day — I mean, come on. He’s great!

Rules are meant to be broken. Ask a rebel Gen X-er with tenure (me). This kid deserves all the time off because he shows up as his true self every day and kills it. He puts me in a better mood. What more could you ask for?

Empathetic leadership means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. I do what’s best for the business; what’s best for the business is to protect the physical and mental health of my staff. Nothing is more important.

For far too long, employees were viewed as replaceable. I’ve seen it. “Coach them up or coach them out.” This is a saying that was used in retail A LOT. People were dismissed and written off schedules because managers thought everyone could be replaced. It was true for a while (in theory), but we have entered a new era, and hourly workers are demanding better for good reason.

Unsympathetic managers have no flexibility, and they over-work talented people. Don’t burn people out and then wonder why they want to quit. (it’s because of you, you tyrant).

Every person on your staff needs something different. It’s our job as leaders to meet them halfway. Be creative with our solutions.

Another associate needed a day off that was a severe struggle for me. It was a huge challenge to give her that day off but guess what? I figured out how to do it. She is beyond happy at every shift. She’s quick, and she works all the time. Customers love her. She needed a day off for her mom’s birthday, so I figured it out. When you do this for people, and you make them an equal contributor — when you give them visibility into the business — they will become even more dedicated.

This doesn’t make me a pushover, and it doesn’t make me weak. This makes me a partner. It shows my team that I care about them and their lives outside of the four walls in which we work.

Being the boss isn’t about power, and it isn’t about denying requests. My ideas are no better than my team’s. I’m the store manager because I have the experience. Experience brings a more global view and the ability to see that one day off for someone may mean the world to them. It may also minimally affect the overall business. Consider that a success.

Living life is a struggle. It’s hard to juggle all the demands of family, school, passion projects, and downtime. How do we fit it all in? We have to be strategic, and we also need to find a leader that leaves the door open for us to communicate what we need to be happy. That’s what helps us be successful.

If businesses want to continue to thrive, they need to take an honest look at their practices. Empathy is not a fad. It’s not a buzzword that’s going to fade away in a year. The way we lead teams is evolving rapidly, and companies that aren’t willing to keep up will be left behind.

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