The Empathetic Executive: Building Connections Through 1:1 Meetings

Early in my career, 1:1s with my manager left me feeling unheard and undervalued. Drowning me in updates and deadlines, it felt more like a performance review than a genuine conversation. This, I realized, was a missed opportunity. 1:1s shouldn't be one-sided checklists; they should be transformative experiences fostering connection, growth, and empowering your team members.

In the fast-paced industries of hospitality and economic development, two industries I have thrived in, the heartbeat of success lies within empowered and motivated teams. As a senior manager with 14 years of diverse hospitality experience, and currently steering business equity initiatives for the city of Atlanta, I've learned the importance of fostering meaningful connections through well-crafted 1:1 meetings.

I have flash backs, nightmares really, of the terrible experiences I have encountered, dealing with overwhelmed, unorganized, and self conscious leadership. Need I remind you of this saying, "People quit bosses, not companies." A study suggests that the #1 reason employees leave their jobs is because they are frustrated with their manager or company leadership. Bad leaders create unhealthy work environments. Don't you forget it!

I am never one to condemn a person for their leadership behavior, ineffective communication, lack of recognition, micromanagement or poor productivity. I would much rather help them learn and grow as a leader, rather than chastise someone into losing their job. We all have room to grow!

With that being said, I wanted to share some lessons I have learned over the years. Very simple ideals that transformed me from a condescending manager driving employees out the door, into an empathetic leader who has been able to steer teams to success, lower turnover, and most importantly, facilitate team member growth.

Lesson 1: Empathy, Not Efficiency, Fuels Success

My experiences sparked a mission to reimagine 1:1s. By prioritizing regular check-ins and understanding my team's dynamics, I discovered hidden strengths and weaknesses, fostering true collaboration. This personal approach not only strengthened bonds but also set the stage for my own leadership journey. Empathy, not efficiency, became the driving force. You have no idea how many times I have contemplated firing someone on my team. Instead of becoming frustrated with them and slowly preparing notes to add to their termination paperwork, I paid more attention to them. Not to point out their flaws, but to get an understanding of what was producing poor results. I soon realized that the problem was partially my fault, and as a leader, it is always your fault.

Lesson 2: Routine 1:1s Foster Proactive Leadership

As a hotel manager, irregular 1:1s with the general manager proved detrimental. Reactive, fire-fighting sessions fueled frustration and blame. The crucial shift lies in routine 1:1s, offering a proactive temperature check and a genuine "How can I help?" This approach transforms leadership, ensuring smoother operations and a positive team dynamic. Sure you are busy, we all are, but making time to truly manage a team requires you to prioritize this part of the job just as much as your KPIs. In order to achieve this, I had to stop drowning people in work. Think of the life guard, they instruct you to stop flailing, or else you may drown us both. Rather, as leaders, we should create this 1:1 space for BOTH parties to calm down, stop panic, and start the meeting on another note; a relaxed note.

• Start by being on time, it sets the tone and importance of these meetings.
• Spend the first couple of minutes asking life questions: How are you today? How was your week/weekend? Maybe make mention of something fun you are looking forward to in your personal life (dinner plans, concert, resting), this may break the awkward, short answers. Be sure to read the room, and don't pry. The more you do this, the more comfortable the team member will be with you. Sure you are thinking, "I don't care about what they do outside of work!" And guess what? It shows. Allow this time for team members to vent if need be. But don't let this take over the meeting, but 5 minutes of banter is fine.
• WHY, you ask? Because learning what things are ailing your team members gives you the opportunity to understand what is going on, and maybe even lend your network to support. Maybe! Team members view management as a resource. You would be amazed what a kind, personal touch does to a work environment.

Lesson 3: A Little Structure is Good for the Soul

Structure your 1:1s by creating an agenda. You create this. Do not make 1:1s more work for your employee. Have some open ended check points. For instance, if your team member has been assigned some projects already, take this time to ask them how they are coming along. Allow the team member to express themselves. If things are going well, encourage them. If they say they are having trouble, inquire what they believe to be issue. Is it getting in contact with someone, getting a reply, workload, timeline, or maybe it is another team member. This is where you offer your assistance. The key to the 1:1 is to find out what is happening, how it is going, and then this question is key: How can I help? By learning from these experiences, we can reshape the narrative around 1:1s. Consistency builds trust and allows for deeper conversations. Shift the focus from project updates to individual growth and development. Embrace active listening, encourage ideas, celebrate successes, and acknowledge challenges to foster a culture of genuine connection and proactive leadership.

Here's how:

• Prioritize regular, structured 1:1s: Consistency builds trust and allows for deeper conversations.
• Shift the focus: Make it about the individual's growth and development, not just project updates.
• Embrace active listening: Ask open-ended questions, truly hear concerns, and offer support.
• Empower your team: Encourage ideas, feedback, and ownership of projects.
• Celebrate successes and acknowledge challenges: Foster a safe space for open communication.

Lesson 4: Beyond Check-Ins: A Cornerstone for Growth

Remember, impactful leadership isn't about control; it's about connection. By transforming 1:1s into spaces for growth and support, we can unlock the true potential of our teams and ourselves. Let's move beyond the traditional 1:1 model and build a culture of genuine connection, proactive leadership, and empowered individuals. Use these 1:1s to drive the individual goals of your team members. What opportunities are coming down the pipeline that you can now strategical delegate based on the strengths, goals, and weakness of your team. This is when you truly begin to shine as a leader. Play to your teams strengths, build up their weaknesses, and keep an open line of communication.

This is just the beginning, it takes time, but it pays off.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments! Let's make transformative 1:1s the norm, not the exception.

#leadership #1on1s #empathy #growthmindset #collaboration #teammindset