Empactive Listening - Newsletter & Video

First, I want to get this out of the way – yes, I realize “empactive” is not a recognized word today. “Blog” wasn’t added to the dictionary until the 1990’s and it’s hard to imagine not having that word in our collective lexicon today, so I hope this is the start of a new trend and that 30 years from now, we struggle to remember what life was like before discussing “empactive listening.”

When I speak at colleges and universities as well as corporate events discussing “The Four Forms of Communication,” after asking the crowd what the four forms are, the first three come relatively easily. Verbal is usually the first, Non-verbal following shortly thereafter. Written is usually mentioned next, leaving only Listening unidentified.

If there is no correct answer within a moment (after all, I’m not paid by the hour), I’ll often share an American Football analogy. Even with a room of participants who aren’t big football fans, when I ask what the most important position in American Football is, “the quarterback” is the universal – and correct – answer. The quarterback will hold the ball and either hand it off or throw it, depending on the nature of the play being attempted. I will then ask who the quarterback depends on when they hand off or throw the ball (aside from the offensive line seeking to ensure that QB has time to do it,) and they identify the wide receiver and running back as important to the process as well. “What happens if the quarterback throws the ball and nobody is there to catch it, or the person who is supposed to catch it is unprepared or disinterested in the pass being thrown? Are any yards gained? Are any points scored?” Of course not.

Such is the case with communication. You could have the best quarterback in the world, someone who throws the ball with the speed and accuracy necessary to deliver perfectly, but if the person intended to receive the ball doesn’t do their job, then the pass falls flat, or worse, is intercepted by the other team.

In the case of a communication exchange, the receiver is the listener or the reader, which brings us to listening as the fourth – and perhaps the most critical – form of communication. We may not think of it immediately, because we equate communication to what we do outwardly, but what makes listening so unique and critical is how we take it in. As has often been said, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Experts on the topics of listening and communication have many terms to describe listening techniques, with “Active Listening” being among the most often used. Active listening requires a concentrated effort on the part of the listener(s)/reader(s) to be entirely invested in the speaker(s)/writer(s). What do we need to do to be an active listener?

• Listen to understand, not to hear.
• If something is unclear, ask for clarification.
• If you understand and want to confirm your understanding, while also demonstrating to the other party that you understand, paraphrase.
• Don’t wait for your chance to interrupt or worry about when it will be your turn to speak.

We can also utilize non-verbal listening techniques, such as:

• Maintaining healthy eye contact
• Keeping attentive posture
• Nodding when you understand or empathize with what the other party is saying
• If you disagree with the other party, don’t retreat into a defensive posture
• Don’t worry about looking at your phone unless you are getting a potentially important call.
• Don’t check the time unless you honestly have someplace to be, at which time you should make sure the other party is aware of your hard stop.
• If something happens that requires your immediate attention, let the other party know and ask if they can pick up as soon as you’ve attended to this, because you value what they are telling you.

THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS, especially in the modern world when we have no shortage of distractions. Our attention spans are shorter – the 24-hour news cycle and constant stream of content on social media has seen to that. The most powerful distillation of this in modern times, in my opinion, came from America’s Teacher, Mr. George Feeny, who reminded Corey, Shawn, and Topanga on Boy Meets World: “Gutenberg’s generation thirsted for a new book every six months! Your generation gets a new web page every six seconds. And how do you use this technology? To try and beat King Koopa, and rescue the Princess.”

Another form of listening is “Empathetic” or “Empathic” listening. Empathic listening requires all of the same techniques of active listening, but with an additional focus on understanding the emotions of the other party, not just the logic or the facts. Instead of active listening to understand what is happening and why, with empathic listening we are focusing on how this makes the other party feel and why. This is a major tenant of “social awareness,” one of the pillars of Emotional Intelligence, and it requires one of the most critical personal, professional, and leadership skills we can ever possess – EMPATHY. Empathic listening is also a critical skill in the quest for allyship, in which we seek to support and empower others around us, especially those who come from historically marginalized groups. Author and speaker Ray Arata speaks about Empathic listening and empathy in his outstanding book “Showing Up,” which I highly recommend.

Impactful listening is a less common term in which the listener seeks to make a difference in some way, seeking action items and providing immediate feedback and coaching. It still requires many of the same techniques of active or empathic listening, but with the additional focus of being asked to act with the information being provided. It’s important to know whether the other party is seeking action from you, or if they want to vent and to be understood as they seek support in their situation. The goal of impactful listening is to allow the other party to feel as though they have an ally and a friend in their journey.

On a recent flight to beautiful Buffalo, NY to visit the 美国纽约州立大学布法罗分校 , I compared these listening techniques and asked the question “are any of them mutually exclusive,” meaning, if you were to do one, would that preclude you from any of the others? I do not believe so, and as such, I present to you “Empactive Listening,” the act of listening to another with a heightened and intentional focus on listening actively, being in tune with both logic AND emotion, and seeking a mutual goal with the other party as to how you can best support them.

As an Empactive Listener, you commit to:

·??????Being present in the moment with the other party

·??????Acknowledging the feelings and emotions of the other party

·??????Seeking actionable items to provide coaching or support

·??????Being free from distractions

·??????Being aware of your own biases and not allowing them to influence how you listen to the other party

Empactive listening can empower us all to do our jobs better and to lessen the impact of confirmation biases or similarity biases. It equips us with the skills to free ourselves from a world of distractions and become more closely connected with our fellow humans. It allows for safe cultures in which authenticity is celebrated and supported, lowering barriers and driving creativity and innovation.?

Thoughts or questions on Empactive Listening? Share in the comments and let’s keep the dialogue going! Check out the video on YouTube, subscribe, share, and as always, thank you for spending time with me!

Chris Fitzpatrick (he/him/his) is a Human Resources Professional with 16+ years of experience in Talent Acquisition, Talent Development, and Diversity & Inclusion. Chris is proud to be the Sr. Manager, Talent Development at Crestron Electronics, an industry leader in the AV Industry with an amazing team around him. Chris speaks professionally, loves hosting game shows, and golfs (poorly) for charity.

Chris can be found on Facebook and Instagram at?ChrisFitzpatrickSpeaks and coming soon via a new website at www.chrisfitzpatrickspeaks.com!

#emotionalintelligence ?#empactivelistening ?#communication ?#writtencommunication ?#nonverbalcommunication ?#verbalcommunication ?#listening ?#network ?#networking ?#quality ?#professionaldevelopment ?#professionalspeaker ?#selfawareness ?#selfmanagement ?#socialawareness ?#socialmanagement ?#socialskills ?#career ?#interview ?#interviewing ?#interviewtips ?#interviewskills ?#professionalism ?#professional ?#attire ?#empathy ?#DiversityandInclusion ?#activelistening #empathy #empathicleadership #empatheticleadership #listeningskills ?LinkedIn