The Emotions Story: Pain (Part 1)

#theemotionsstory 

“Sunset?” Fight watched the usually calm realm turn orange. She waited under the tree as a blue light flashed before the host was standing there. She was escaping into this area more the last few days. A decision she was worried about. Fight nuzzled against the host, her wolf eyes gazing beyond the horizon to where knowledge was tormenting poor Wisdom.

Her thoughts were cut when the host slumped down and buried her head into the massive wolf fair “Stay like this for a bit” Her voice was shaking. This is the only place she felt safe enough to be herself as she allowed for a wail to come out of her mouth.

“It’s not FAIR!” She was wailing “Why make a decision so one sided and then ask me for my opinion! It’s already been made” She was slumping down as she sighed. “It’s not fair. And then ….. I’m told I don’t make up my own decisions. And when I make it I’m being ‘influenced’ if it’s against their opinion”

Fight remained quiet, she knew what the host was talking about. Wisdom knows how many times both knowledge and wisdom held down the wolf who wanted to lash out at the world. She hated to see the host so harsh on herself, so down. It was one step forward, 20 steps backward. And the other day really egged her. How can you find solace in putting a human being through such an agonizing mental stress and then dismiss the whole thing with “You’re wrong, it’s all in your head” as though the host was nothing.

No wonder the host was here more than anyone liked. For here she was not judged, she was not demeaned, she was not belittled. She was their beloved. Their creator and they wanted her to be fine. And she was not fine. The sunset was evident as the clouds began to form.

“Darling…let it all out” Fight spoke in a soft tone. She wanted to beat the crap out of the people who hurt their host. But their host was a pacifist, and in that pacifism was were even fight admitted the host was strong. Stronger than a few words. “Let it all out” She saw the clouds forming, it was going to rain, wasn’t it. She was going to bottle it up like she normally did as Fight sighed.

“Please, be kind to yourself” She was holding her own emotions as the host looked up with blood-shot eyes. “I’m tired of being me” She finally spoke, “I’m tired of being this weak, I can’t even walk up to them and tell them what’s truly going through my mind.”

It was not the first time the host said those words. Not the first time the wolf heard the words I'm tired of being me. Fight understood the pain of such words all too well. The host was tired and there was nothing anyone can do.

"Human are cruel beings"

"Are they?" She looked to the clouds “Is it not true that because I’m me, that’s what I deserve?”

“Absolutely” The glitched voice came as Fight stood protective of the host. The ground beneath them began to shift and morph as a masterpiece of beauty stood before them. She was beyond breathtaking, but her voice gave way of who she was.

“Pain” The wolf snarled

“Pleasure meeting you too, Fight” She giggled, her oceanic blue eyes following the host. “But you’re correct. They did say things are going very well and it’s all in your head. I mean, you can’t be right when everyone else is saying the opposite”

“Leave me alone” The host cowered behind the wolf. She did not want to deal with the beauty before her. “Please, I can’t handle you” She was whimpering as the wolf spoke in a soft, threatening voice: “Back off”

“Why? Am I not speaking the truth we both know? She is weak, too kind for her own good, and never fights back, and when she finally lets you lose, she always apologizes like the coward she is” Anger seeped through the words. Pain was not going to back off.

“I’m sorry….I’m sorry….I’m sorry….I’m sorry… please, leave me alone…please….I’m sorry, I’m sorry” She was whimpering, the host was definitely not ready for the pain.

Cold, there was a strange cold front that came toward them as the childish voice of Knowledge cracked through. The child’s hair was ice, her eyes wandering from the host to the being known as Pain.

“I acknowledge your existence, however distasteful you are” The child spoke as she stood in front of the host: “You’re weak” She spoke matter of fact “But you’re not as weak as you think yourself are. You refuse to engage in a fight because you’re too damn kind to want to hurt other’s feeling even when they belittle and degrade your very existence. You are allowing them to walk all over you because of the loneliness you feel and you refuse to acknowledge that.” Knowledge was being cruel as she continued her conversation: “That what you have convinced yourself you are” Her hair was starting to cackle, she looked back toward Fight as she continued: “You are strength, you are endurance, and you are more than you believe you are. You are what our host strives to be. But you are Anger, you are disappointment and you are also destructive in nature. And you should be.”

“I’m sorry” The host spoke, she was taking deep breaths. They could tell she was trying to contain the emotions as the clouds began to darken and the sky itself was darkening. She was keeping the facade of happiness even though the world was breaking down. Knowledge’s hair was disappearing. She scooted toward the host as she sighed: “I know you’re hurting, I know you’re facing despair. You feel like the whole world is closing in on you and there is no one to go to. You are all alone” She sighed and pointed to Pain: “She is hurting as much as you. As much as you feel it, she feels it. She wants you to acknowledge that pain is part of life. Yes, sometimes it’s too much for us to handle but you know what? It’s ok. Just… embrace it.”

She spoke in a soft tone. She knew the psyche of the host was not the best. After all, it was just getting worse and worse.

“I’m sorry” The host whimpered.

“Stop being sorry” Pain spoke in her glitch-ing angelic voice. She can getting angrier by the minute “For once in your miserable existence, get angry! Get sad! Just be emotional. You are too pathetic you cannot just tell people to go screw themselves!” She stomped the ground, a small crater forming beneath her.

“And no one ever changes. Kind people will always remain kind because they are too damn broken to want to see others in this place” Knowledge answered. “The broken can never be fixed. People never understand that, because everyone thinks they have the mother-lode of problems and there is no way anyone is in a worse situation than them that they ignore those who genuinely are in a bad place. It is human nature to always compete. Whether in positive or negative. It’s why our host just shuts down because no one, not even she, can understand her” Knowledge looked at Pain. “And you are a reminder that she will never find peace”

Pain stood back, eyes narrowing on Knowledge “Accept there will always be pain, because you are still alive! Don’t go dying on me because you can’t handle reality”

“And that’s where you’re warped, Pain, where you’re warping our creators perspective” Knowledge spoke more earnestly, thunder rumbling in the distance, the host was really bottling up her emotions. “See, we are blessed with things other people dream off. Yet, because of messed up humans, we cannot see that. Because we always see ourselves as less than others. Less than our counters if we just look past the fog and darkness, we will see that we are loved. Don’t you get it, pain? We hate ourselves because we never experienced the kind of love that clears the sky except from our family. Everyone else is just there to use us as their pawn and we know it. That’s why we can’t see the bright horizon.”

“I-if only” The host muttered “I-if only someone can just hug me, tell me everything is going to be fine. That I’m worth being with, that…that I’m not a nobody. I’m not forgotten. I’m not a shadow…if only…” She looked up, she was calmer inside but the storm was still brewing “I don’t understand, Pain, why can’t anyone just love me? Am I not that smart? I know I’m not a sight to look at, but…I know I’m smart. I hope I’m smart…so why? Why doesn’t anyone just notice me?” She was tearing up again, “I am tired of being forgotten. I move from one point to the other, like a passing shadow that no one cares, I change lives yet no one remembers. I’m tired…I’m tired of being me. Why? Why Pain?! Why doesn’t anyone love me?” She screamed finally as she looked to the sky. “I’m not important, that’s why? Isn’t that true, Knowledge, it’s why no one gives two cents about me. I’m just a pawn, that’s all, nothing more or less”

SLAP!

Fight had morphed back into her human form as her hands stuck the host’s cheek. She could not contain her anger anymore as she grabbed the host by the collar and brought her face close to the other.

“Stop it! Stop beating yourself up over useless humans! They’re nothing! Do you hear me! They are nothing! They are not worth your time or effort, let them burn! You sacrificed too much for just a shot at being noticed and you are, but not around those cruel creatures! Not around them. Look around, you created us, you created this world. In a million years there is no one who can have such vividness to allow for us to come to existence and still maintain their sanity!” She looked at Pain and sighed: “I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt her but I couldn’t allow it anymore. You need to be there for us. To remind us we are alive and breathing. Yes, sucks to be us but you know what, screw them! Screw them all!”

Pain sighed, it was obvious this was not going to be resolved in a sitting as she spoke again to the host, her hands on Fight’s urging her to let go as she scooted down to the host: “Please, I implore you to just for once, just for once, accept the flaws of this world and let go of your ideals. You’ll feel so much better”

The host nodded to her, but there was more to come.

To be continued...