The Emotions Story: Loneliness (Pain Arc 2)

“To this world and back,

To the fighters and survivors,

To the horizon of tomorrow,

We never want to see you again,

To the emotions within,

To the environment outside,

Please leave me alone,

Please leave me alone.

I’m so exhausted”

The host sang beneath the barren cherry blossom tree. Her eyes showed the exhaustion she was feeling and in truth, she truly did not want to deal with anything or anyone… She kept humming to herself more.

“Round and round, we fight for nothing,

Round and round we wish to be seen,

But invisible we are, fight we must go on,

Never coming back,

Never… coming back.”

She hugged herself as she buried her head into her legs. All she could do was sing her song, she was indeed exhausted. She could not go on, just tired.

“To you within me, I am sorry,

Hear my song and weep, for we are no longer alive,

Never coming back, never coming back.

Let me breathe,

Let me try one more time,

I know I’ll never come back again,

I know I’ll never be coming back. “

She began to cry as she finished the final verse of her song.

“I weep one more time,

As I lay in this barren land,

Never wanting to feel again,

Never wanting to see outside again,

Never wishing for this,

Never asking for this

I don’t want to be alone,

But I am all alone, please save me.”

Taking a deep breath, she stood up as she watched the barren land. It mattered not what this land used to be, what life brimmed into this area. She was all alone once more and she just felt exhausted. She was hurt, over and over she was always shunned by the outside world as she continued to cry.

You need to let go

She heard the whisper of Pain in her head as she held her head and buried I deeper between her legs.

“Shut up…”

You can’t keep running away like this, I will only grow

“Shut up…”

You are not alone

“Shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP!” The host screamed to no one as she covered her ears. A defensive mechanism she could not help it.

Please, just listen to me.

“Why should I? Why should I care anymore? I always get abandoned in the end? No one cares, Pain, no one gives a damn about what I do. Just leave me alone.” She was crying again; the host could not help it as she began to speak through sobs: “it’s best to be alone. That way, no one will ever hurt me again…no one cares. …. Why was I abandoned again?”

Fur wrapped around her, the host was crying as she nestled against Fight. She was tired.

“I can’t help you this time” Fight coughed. She looked worst from anytime the host has seen her before but she nuzzled against her.

“Why am I alone…” She kept repeating it over and over again. She was abandoned again and it hurt so badly. She did not want to be alone but she could do nothing about it as the world began to grow dark. Fight could not move; she could do nothing as she merely wrapped the host in her fur. It was hard to fight, and in truth, even she had given up. It was useless to fight anymore. The host was tired of being used like that. Fight was broken. The host was broken. Her heart was broken.

“You know, it’s not a good thing to bottle things up like that” The voice was strange for the host. Golden eyes, azure blue hat on white hair. The man was handsome and the host could not help but wonder, who was he? The sadness in his eyes was unlike those of Sadness herself but it seemed.

“Loneliness?” Fight was asking as the host nodded to herself. Loneliness, that’s why she could not place her finger onto the emotion. The feeling of being abandoned. The feeling of forever being alone. Loneliness. That’s what she was feeling.

“Pain is important. Without pain, you will lose the joy of life. It teaches you to be alive. Perhaps in a different world, a parallel universe, you can see better through your fog, but would you be you? The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile the brightest, the most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do. And you are all that. Pain is not there to see you suffer but to give you the strength to move on, little one. It teaches you to never do the action again, and yet you are full of love and hope that you allow yourself to go through the same vicious cycle over and over again. You are afraid to be happy because you’ve suffered for so long and because you were abandoned over and over you feel as though you deserve no one” The host listened to the angelic voice resonating from Loneliness.

It made… sense. Loneliness was right, she was broken, she was in pain, she was sad and damaged and all of those things.

It was why she was wise, she was kind and she smiled the brightest because she had seen the rest of the emotions.

“Let me sing you a lullaby, little one” Loneliness spoke as he began to sing.

Falling from the heaven's above,

Leaving trails of flowers all around.

A gift...a blessing in disguise.

Sleep little ancient one

Sleep and dream of tomorrow

Loneliness doesn't know you yet,

But you are no longer alone.

Fading, fleeting feelings come and go,

Passion, kindness and motherly instincts come to you.

A little... Just a little more

A little time can change everything.

So sleep little ancient one

Sleep and dream of a better life.

Worry not little one,

I will always be there.

The host indeed slept, her eyes shutting down as he continued to sing to her. Loneliness spoke to fight in a soft tone: “You cannot solve everything. The mind needs to sometimes wallow in the negative just to be able to understand things better.”

“But remaining in such a state doesn’t do well to the body”

“True, but keeping a strong front is hard to keep for a very long time”

“And it’s not like the world is being kind to her”

“That’s why I’m here. You should rest as well. I’ll take over a little bit.”

--------

She has been hugging her knees as she allowed for the tears to drop. The phone illuminating as she dragged herself to the phone. She really did not want to deal with any human lately. Such cruel creature they were.

“Are you ok?” The message read

Through tears, she typed “I’m fine, sorry to worry you”

“Of course I’ll worry about you, you’re my best friend”

“Heh…you really stuck through the worst of me…”

“What happened, you shut down your social media and the groups. Are you all right?”

“Can I…call you?”

The phone rang as she smiled softly and held the phone to her ears “Hi…” She tried to mask her voice but not to him. “I’m all ears…”

She took a deep breath as she allowed the tears to flow down. He made her feel safe. They have been friends for two decades and he’s seen her at her worst and still stuck through with her. She chuckled at the thought as she told him how she was being bullied off of social media. She was constantly mocked and belittled and her self-esteem was to the ground again. And then the cherry on the top was she was ghosted again. He listened to her as she sobbed into the phone. She was there for him when he was at his worst. He knew the feelings she was going through as he spoke softly to her. “Assholes” She laughed that beautiful laughter of hers as he could hear her nodding. “Hey…thank you for sticking with me. I know I’m a Debby downer”

“Shhhhhh, don’t sweat it, dear” He smiled through the phone. If only she understood the loneliness he felt before she came into his life. It was so dark and haunting and he hated the feeling. But she was the bright light in his world. She allowed him to be himself and through that, he became who he was today. Yet, she never once abandoned him. She never once left him and he, in return. Was always going to be there for her.

=The End=