Emotions: Packing and Unpacking

This is a tool I designed for an orientation programme for high school international students which I have been working on for a while. I call it 'The Map of Packing and Unpacking ? Lin Zhang 2023'.

The idea was inspired by a story from a friend I met when I first came to Dunedin and a story from a participant in my research.

First story, the friend. I met this friend in a summer school paper in Otago. She told me that she came to Dunedin during her foundation year. She recalled the memory of the day when she arrived. She remembered that she was happy to come here, the travel was all good, and the homestay family looked alright. But the moment she was alone in her room unpacking the luggage, she said to me, "我的眼泪水哗地就下来了。我不明白我为什么哭。(My tears flooded down my face. I didn't know why I was crying)."

Her emotions escaped the 'grip', burst from heart.

Second story, the participant. This research participant came to Auckland during high school, later moved to Dunedin for foundation year and uni. When I interviewed her, she was in her last year of uni. I asked her how her parents decided to send her to study in New Zealand. She said, "I don't think they cared that much. They just found an agent, then sent me here." I detected a hint of pain and detachment in her voice. My participant's account was legit in her own right. But I can't help wondering if there's another side of the story. Chinese parents are often not very good at expressing their feelings, or even allowing themselves to feel it. From my own experience and what I heard from the participants in my research, some parents tended to suppressing their feelings by making themselves very busy and meticulously managing everything before their children's departure. Every time I came back to New Zealand from China, before departure, my mom will for sure become this driving-me-crazy pushy woman insisting I must take certain things in my luggage, for example half a suitcase of medical grade face masks. I was frustrated. After doing this research and talking to so many parents, I get it now. That's her way of saying "I miss you already."

The emotions unspoken.

That's why I designed 'The Map of Packing and Unpacking ? Lin Zhang 2023'.

On the one side of this map, there's a brainstorming worksheet with differentiated priorities of what to pack in the child's luggage.

Priority A: What do I need to get on the plane and cross the borders? Considering I've lost my luggage and only have this small bag with me. (Passport? Phone and phone charger? Medicine?)

Priority B: What do I need to get through the first night in New Zealand? Considering all the supermarkets and food takeaways have closed. (Maybe a pack of instand noodle? Chopsticks or a fork? Pyjamas?)

Priority C: What do I need to live a comfortable life in my first week? And thinking about what are the things I need to bring with me and what are the things I can easily purchase after arrival. (Warm clothes? Bedding? Maybe a soft toy or a pillowcase with mom's smell on it? Maybe a bracelet from my best friend?)

Priority D: I've settled. Now I need to focus on my study. Anything helpful I could bring with me? (A Calculator? Textbooks in my first language?)

Priority E: I'm in a good place now. I want to try something new. For example, surfing, tramping, playing golf and Squash. Any equipment or clothing I can get in a much lower price from my home country?

On the other side of the map, it's also a brainstorming worksheet, with four corners labelled "My Values", "My Triggers", "My Worries", and "My Contributions", and a centre labelled "Ideas of How We Live Together".

Before departure, parents can play the first side of this brainstorming game with the child and prepare the luggage together. On the one hand, they can finish the task with a mindset of the priorities set in real-life scenarios. On the other hand, I want the map to provide some sort of platform for the emotions to 'leak'. Let the 'making-myself-busy-enough' parents sit down with their little one and finally realise "my kid is leaving me in a week". If the mom or dad starts to have tears welling up in their eyes, I'll consider it a success.

After arrival, homestay parents can ask this international student if they want to unpack the luggage together. If the student is willing to do it, they can showcase how they pack the luggage with their parents, what their priorities are, what their lifestyles are, what they care in life. Homestay parents can have an understanding of this teenager who comes into their household and will become a member of their family for a while. Then the homestay parents and the student could do the other side of the map, discussing what important things are for them to live a happy life together. The Values, for example, climate change and protecting the environment. The Worries, for example, leaving the dishes over night and doing it next day, will that upset others? The Triggers, I feel very uncomfortable when people are chewing loudly besides me (that's true~), is that ok to let others know? The Contributions, I cook delicious Chinese dishes (authentic ones, not the deep-fried stuff~), would you like some? I can take you to the beach and walk the dog, would you like to come? Even the parents in the home country can join via video chat. Why not? A big family could be formed on both sides of the globe.

Teenage is a tricky age. Family relationship is a tricky topic. Transiting between educational systems and cultural environments is a confusing experience. Let the emotions flood, burst, unpack. Bond will maintain and become stronger. That bond will become the crucial 'safety net' for these young international students when they encounter challenges in this journey.

They will grow.

#StoryMatters

#HappinessAndSuccess