Emotions, how intelligent are you?

The Dreaded “E” word…..

Emotions: ignore them, deny them, control them or overshare them. Whatever your stance, we all have them. But what place do they have in the workplace? Whatever your approach to managing your own emotions, chances are your team members will be different. We’ve worked with many leaders who don’t know how to handle emotions and those who are “emotional” feeling guilty and embarrassed when they display them.

Emotions are transient, they come and go. The secret is to develop your emotional vocabulary and match what you are truly feeling, recognising any physiological signs that happen when you begin to feel that emotion. The first emotion we notice will often be the mask for something deeper and this is where the emotions wheel, as initially designed by Robert Plutchick, can help.

Keep in mind, we will jump around this wheel many times throughout the day. Which emotions are present for you? What emotions would you like to feel?

Fear will often come up in coaching leaders: fear of failure but also fear of success. Understanding where the fear stems from can be a game changer – we may find ourselves being hesitant, so we don’t fail or succeed, which, if we dig deeper, fear keeps us safe: safe from putting ourselves out there, safe from judgement and safe from shame, should it go wrong. Fear can also lead to avoidance eg I won’t go for that promotion. There’s even fear of showing emotion.

Here's some tips for helping you manage your emotions:

1. Work on your emotional recognition: Pause and ask: how am I experiencing this emotion. What is it telling me? Even if you perceive it as a negative emotion, dig deep and really try to understand what’s sitting underneath it. It might be a need that not’s being met or a value that’s been tested.
2. Develop emotional control: this doesn’t mean never display them. It’s about recognising the true emotion for you and how to display it. Whether you are someone that bottles them up, think about how you can start to express them in an authentic way. If you’re an over sharer, reflect on how you can contain the emotion to ensure you get the right one that is true to what’s really going on.
3. Create emotional data: We all have them but it’s the way we interpret them that will be different. It’s your choice as to how you interpret your emotions, the meaning and significance you attach to it, the size, intensity, frequency and duration.
4. Develop emotional connections: We are responsible for our own emotions. Under pressure, this choice might not always be the most helpful emotion so look for patterns and themes of when this emotion comes up for you.
5. Recognise emotional meaning: Question the benefit you get from this emotion. Even those that you perceive as negative. For example overwhelm. Maybe it’s trying to tell you to stop and slow down, to take better care of yourself.
6. Be emotionally curious: both about your own emotions but also those in your team. Back to our old friend anger, it could be a mask for someone feeling excluded or worthless/undervalued. The person presents themselves as angry but really they just aren’t feeling respected.

Coaching can be a great place to explore your emotions. We love exploring all things emotions, mindsets and behaviours.