Emotions in the Bottle

Imagine a shelf full of bottles, different in color, size, and shape. Some are filled to the brim; some are empty, and some are half-full.

For whatever reason, I end up referring to my emotions as whatever fills the bottles. My happiness in one, sadness in another, empathy, anger, fear—you name it... all the emotions humanly possible.

We all manage our bottles on the shelf, deciding which to polish, fill, or discard. But what drives our choices?

Today, I chose to show you my anger-bottle (Red Bottle). It is the one of the few with a lid—not a privilege, but a necessity. Over the past five years, my anger has grown since the loss of a loved one. I had heard that grief changes you a lot, but I wasn’t sure what it meant until I went through it.

As a child, I was cheerful, personable, and easily made good first impressions. Anger and its associated behaviors are new yet feel disturbingly innate.

One of the reasons I decided to look at my emotion-shelf is because I have been pouring from the red bottle more frequently than I should. For someone who always believed I had my emotions in check, this is quite surprising, and hence why the emotion search crept in.

For every emotion we try to bury—especially negative ones—it surfaces twice fold. I have been suppressing my anger triggers, thinking with time it will be better. External factors—colleagues who are intolerable, a manager who monopolizes every conversation leaving no room for feedback, the heat (this one is probably exaggerated, lol)—but you get it—I get irritated and let it slide.

For every first intolerable conversation, comment, or reference made, I was piling up unnecessary anger and some reasonable ones towards the person, the situation, and myself. This and everything else in life wasn’t getting easy on my precious brain; I was losing the sense of purpose, why I do the things I do, why I chose to endure the hurdles.

So, staring at the shelf, I stood still, reminding myself it wasn’t worth losing everything beautiful about me, my brain - because I chose not to address issues when they arise. I am the only caretaker who can re-arrange, fill, or empty my bottles, and that is a strong position to be—in emotionally, mentally, and physically.

For whatever reason, if you choose to let some unworthy comment, suggestion, or mere negativity towards you left ignored, let this be a reminder—don’t.

Address it while you can before you lose the power to balance your shelf. Someone's selfish and ignorant behavior is not your burden to carry.