The Emotionally Intelligent Way to Lead Yourself into the New Year

If you had to place your reaction on the continuum of excited to dejected, where would it be?

What's the Root Cause?

Whatever your reaction, if you dig a little, you’ll unearth some insights.

If more towards enthused, what’s causing that excitement?

Did you make resolutions last year and succeed in achieving a good proportion of them? Perhaps that’s motivating you to move ahead with more. Or maybe you didn’t, and you are excited about this annual reminder to have another go.

If you’re more dejected than enthused – what’s behind that?

Perhaps you made resolutions last year and didn’t keep (m)any. Or maybe you have a strong aversion to change being expected at the same time every year. You might even feel a little anxious about embarking on a whole new year and the real or perceived need to change it brings with it.

(Maybe you’re also aware of the data. According to Inc., 90% of people fail to achieve their New Year resolutions. Indeed according to Statistica, the top three resolutions from 2019 to 2022 in the US and UK included: Exercise more, lose weight and eat more healthily.*

What to Do?

Recognizing your reaction – and the reason for it - is the start of leading yourself into the New Year (and pretty much into anything) with emotional intelligence.

Then be a little curious.

• Do you need to change anything?

If yes, then answer honestly:

• What exactly do you want for yourself?
• What is the new routine you need to follow to get there and what will motivate you to keep at it?
• What are the precise situations where you need to ‘do’ or ‘be’ this change?
• Why is now a good time to begin the change?
• How committed are you to this?
• Who will keep you on track and encourage you? (Who will do the opposite and how will you manage yourself around them?)
• How can you make your environment supportive of this change? (If you want to be healthier, can you remove the chocolate from the cupboards, set the alarm to get you out of bed and place your training shoes by the bed, schedule meditation and screen breaks?

There’s no wrong or right response or choice here – just a consideration of what’s best for you.

Being emotionally intelligent is about using your feeling and thinking skills to determine the best course of action for you.

• It’s about leading yourself, knowing your bigger sense of purpose and positively acting in alignment with it. What's the truly deeply meaningful reason for this change?
• It’s about managing yourself for success, knowing your goals and the action and attitude required to achieve them, and knowing your triggers and how to best anticipate and handle them. You'll be tempted to revert to your previous behaviours - how are you going to stay the course?
• It’s about being aware of yourself and others, moment by moment - and with every moment, you have a choice.

Emotional intelligence is knowing that you can make change happen at a time that makes sense for you.

And If You Really Want to Succeed at Change

• Be measured. Know how much change you can handle at any one time and act accordingly.
• Be clear. What exactly is the goal and what are the specific, routine actions that will get you there?
• Start small. It’s a marathon. Build up to bigger goals with small actions.
• Reflect. How did you do when you had the opportunities to showcase the change action? Why did you do well, why didn’t you, and what can you tweak to improve your performance?
• Recruit your supporters. Ask people to help you and encourage you – better still, work with people who want to achieve the same change as you.
• Create the space. Block your calendar. Set alerts. Create the physical space you need. Prepare yourself mentally.
• Start. Stop the overthinking and start the practicing.

And most importantly, it’s not all or nothing, it’s continuous effort over time. If you drop off the change wagon along the way, it’s not the end of the world, just get back on.

If you don't believe me, take 9 minutes to listen to Nwal Hadaki sharing Phillippa Lally's study on creating new habits.

And if you've got 45 minutes, you can listen to Phillipa Lally herself go into more detail about habit formation.

Whatever you decide about whether you want to make changes and when you want to make them, here's wishing you a wonderful New Year and 2023.

*Whether it's the same people making these resolutions or a new bunch of people, they are similarly failing.