Emotionalism supercharges conflict

Definition of emotionalism

1: a tendency to regard things emotionally

2: undue indulgence in or display of emotion

Emotionalism is used to manipulate opinion. It is designed to create a sense of emotion (i.e. guilt, shame, outrage, compassion etc.) in someone else so that individual will support the position of the person expressing the emotion. It is a tool used by many people to get what they want by obscuring the facts of an argument in favor of how the argument makes them feel. It is also used to displace blame for a situation from the appropriate person onto other parties.

Unfortunately today, emotionalism is used continuously in media, politics and public life to shape narratives. Tone of voice and word choice are designed to create belief patterns. The consistency with which the various media outlets all repeat the same phrases leads one to believe that there is a coordinated effort to create and shape opinions.

Emotionalism in conflict

Emotionalism is used by individuals in conflicts as well. When parties are engaged in a conflict one or more may resort to ignoring facts and focusing on how they feel about the conflict. If the parties are not willing to engage in understanding the facts of a situation (either in support or against their emotional argument) they are not actually working on resolving the conflict. Instead, they are trying to manipulate the other party to give in or apologize for the way they "made me feel". In conflict resolutions it is actually good to address emotions — but a good mediator will not allow parties to use emotions to manipulate the discussion.

What does it look like?

When someone is trying to use emotionalism to shape an argument:

•  They may use inflammatory language like racist, -phobic, misogynistic, etc. These are words designed to create a defensive, emotional reaction in people. 
• The tone of voice will be one of disdain, shaming, or disbelief that anyone could hold such opinions (making people feel like they are the only ones who hold an opinion is a great way to pressure people to change their opinion.)
• The expressions (if faces are visible such as on video or in person) will be shock, horror, outrage, shaking ones' head, and disgust. 
• They demand an apology for how they have been "made to feel'.

All of these things combine together to create a profound sense of emotional debt. It is very difficult to combat the rising feeling of defensiveness, and the desire to prove that you are NOT all those things, and that you DO care. Many people get sucked into emotionalism arguments and forget that there are facts to address.

How do you combat it?

You must directly label the fact that the individual is using emotionalism to try to influence the argument versus actually dealing with facts. There are several keys to remember:

• Inflammatory language: If someone called you a purple elephant, would you in fact be a purple elephant? No. Just because someone calls you something doesn't mean you ARE that thing. You would never get defensive and try to prove you were NOT a purple elephant would you? No — that would be ridiculous. Remember when people resort to inflammatory language they actually have no facts or legitimate argument!  They are merely trying to drag you into an emotional state where it is easier for them to manipulate you. 
• Tone of voice: First of all, if you are watching a video, turn it off and read the transcript. The human brain can identify the traps of emotionalism much better when reading versus hearing. If you are in person in a conflict resolution — address the tone of voice. Suggest writing down the complaint so it can be dealt with in the absence of tone.
• Expressions: Keep in mind that the individual using emotionalism is deliberately trying to manipulate you. You are NOT responsible for how another person feels. While there may be validity to an argument of facts and actions, feelings are solely the responsibility of the person experiencing them. 
• Demands for an apology: IF you have actually done something wrong that has a factual basis, AND you are actually sorry — than by all means apologize. An apology has to be sincere for it to be believed. And if the other party is acting in good faith, they will accept the apology and move on. If they are ignoring facts and using emotionalism to manipulate the discussion do not give in to the pressure to apologize. Rarely will someone who is using emotionalism accept an apology — they will just view it as an admission of guilt and weakness and continue to pressure you for more.

Emotionalism is a manipulative tool that loses its' effectiveness when called out and subsequently ignored. Stick to the facts. Everyone is responsible for their own feelings and choosing how to respond to situations. You cannot control how someone chooses to use emotionalism but you do not have to participate.  

For more articles about conflict and conflict resolution go to https://ktbeckenterprisesllc.com/blog